Written on June 14, 2007 10:02 PM
Isn’t it funny how kids seem to make developmental leaps when you’re least expecting it? In fact, they often make these leaps when you’d really rather they hadn’t.
Six months ago, Benny was incapable of following orders in a class-like setting. This was abundantly clear when we took him to his friend’s third birthday party being held in a kid’s gym in Tribeca. The party included a half an hour gym lesson and the other kids, who were either a. older or b. wiser than Benny, followed every instruction issued to them to the letter. Meanwhile, Benny spent the entire class running in the exact opposite direction, jumping on the trampolines when he wasn’t supposed to, and flailing in the sponge pit when he should have been heading off for birthday cake.
Even six weeks ago, when I took him to a soccer class, he spent most of the time a. hugging the ball in his lap, b. trying to bounce it like a basketball, or c. abandoning the soccer field altogether to play with some toy trucks he’d spotted.
However, last night, Benny finally grasped the idea of following instructions. Great news, you might say. Alas, not so great. You see, Benny reached this new milestone during a lesson on tantric sex and orgasmic breathing!
Okay, okay, I’ll back up here. I don’t usually take Benny to talks on tantric sex – or sex in general, for that matter. Not that I’m a prude, I just know that three year old’s have a penchant to parrot things they hear and I’m not sure if other mothers in the playground would appreciate sex talk being relayed by my Benny.
Anyway, it was all quite innocent. I was at a local bookstore last night to hear a reading from a new book called “Let’s Get Primitive: An Urban Girl’s Guide to Camping.” It sounded like a fun premise and I was in the mood for a reading.
Because of tying and re-tying Benny’s shoe laces three times on the way to the bookstore, unfortunately we ran a little late and so missed most of the reading. However, I decided, since we’d come this far, I’d stay and listen to the next reading which turned out to be Barbara Carella with her book, “Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twentieth First Century.” Benny was busying himself with some toys and picture books he’d retrieved from the kids section, so I figured he was suitably occupied and I could stick around.
Carella followed a short reading from her book with some tantra breathing tips – for “better sex and a better life.” She then encouraged the audience to join with her and try them out. Amused and engrossed with Carella’s display, I wasn’t paying much attention to Benny. However, when I noticed a few people around me smirking and/or frowning bemusedly in my direction, I finally caught on and turned to see Benny panting and puffing beside me. With his gaze fixed on Carella, he was perfectly enacting the slow in-out breaths which she was demonstrating up at the lectern. Before I knew what was happening, Carella had moved onto fast-paced orgasmic breaths and Benny had quickly upped his pace too. He accompanied his breathing with the high pitched sighs just like Carella’s.
His performance was flawless. Meg Ryan would have been proud.
I, on the other hand, was a tad embarrassed and while Carella wrapped up her reading, I whisked Benny from the bookstore before anyone could ask what the hell I was thinking.
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