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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    117

    HELP! My husband wants me to give it up..

    I am so sad. I have found my passion and am excited about this new venture of art and creativity.
    But, I haven't been able to share it with my husband. He does not support it. He thinks it's a waste of time. He agrees I am talented, but feels that I am not spending my time wisely.
    I am keeping house, kids, and him up the same as I did before. I just have found this great outlet to release my creativeness and now I feel like it's all for nothing.
    My mom, gma, and sis all think it's the best thing ever and are so supportive, but I feel like if I don't have my husbands 'blessings' I will be living in a hell around here.
    We discussed it last night and definetly didn't come to a solution. He disconnected my paypal account and is saying he will disconnect the internet, which is a life line for me and this punkinpie biz. I don't know of a single store or friend around here that will be helpful in this aspect.

    I don't know what to do. My heart does NOT want to give this up, I love what I am doing. My husband doesn't get it.
    Help!! I feel like I'm drowning..

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  3. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    spokane, washington
    Posts
    9
    darling, i am so sorry!!!! i don't even know what to say. there must be some compromise... you should be able to do what you need/want to. i am soo sorry to hear that. i wish i had some great advice for you. but alas i don't. all i can say is DONT let him take away your outlet!!!!! DONT let him do it!!!!

    sorry hun, hopefully someone else will have better advice.
    take care. good luck. be strong!

  4. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    446
    wow, you sound awful! i'm so sorry you're dealing with so much aggression from your husband over this.

    you may want to check out this thread, husband vs. crafts, to hear some other people's experiences.
    http://www.getcrafty.com/viewtopic.php?t=2985

    in the meantime, it sounds like you desperately need a marriage counselor or 3rd party mediator to help negotiate a solution to this marital crisis. your husband disconnecting your pay pal account, and threatening to turn off the internet sounds like a bully or parent coming down hard on their 8 yr old. it is nothing i would ever expect in a marriage of equals. a trained counselor can help you both through this, please don't wait to call.

  5. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    697
    That is just awful, I'm so sorry. What are the specific issues he has with it? Is it anything concrete, like the financial investment in your projects, or is it purely emotional? If the issues are concrete and rational, perhaps you could come up with a "business plan" to explain to your husband how much you plan to "invest" in your crafty life, and how you'll do it. For example, if you plan to sell your crafts, you can show him how you can recoup the material costs.

    If the issues are emotional-- i.e. he just can't stand you having anything important in your life that doesn't involve him, I'd say Athos' suggestion of counseling is the way to go.

  6. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    2,021
    i completely agree with Athos. you need to seek counseling, and if your husband won't see a counselor with you, you might even want to see one on your own.

    it is not acceptable behavior for your husband to treat you like a naughty child and "take away" things that are important to you. he's supposed to be your partner, not your manipulator.

  7. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    phildelphia
    Posts
    365
    I'd withhold sex... and let all his socks and undies get dirty... tell him you disconnected the washing machine because cleaning clothes is not a wise use of your time....

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    upstate ny
    Posts
    65
    Oh my, I am just so sorry to hear this!

    Nobody has the right to take the things you love away. Especially when it's for no apparent reason. He is being cruel.

    Maybe he's jealous of your crafting? You found something really fulfilling and he's worried he can't compete? I don't know, his actions sound extremely childish to me.

  9. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    811
    First give us a little idea of what he's asking you to give up. Some things just may not be acceptable to him because of convention or maybe safety around you and your kids. Or maybe he sees it as a money pit.

    For instance, if you present bliss is making angels at home from kits you have to buy and then you have to market them, he may recognize it as a scam where you won't be able to sell, or your products will all be rejected no matter how perfect.

    If it's using lead based glazes or other hazardous materials, that could be his issue. Or any very expensive materials that he can't see how you could make it back. Like I knew a guy who was laid off and his wife thought he was unreasonable in asking her to put her 'career' on hold. She was a bit actress, but had to take voice, dance, modelling lessons, work with a trainer and have a fresh portfolio all the time, yet she seldom had paying work. It cost more for her to have a career than it did in car payments for the two of them.

    He sounds a little autocratic, but we don't know what kinds of discussions you two have had up until now on this.

    Maybe if you presented him with a business plan that details the costs of materials, the amount of time, the expected market and expected return with realistic research into these things and licensing to stay within the law, he'd be more supportive.

  10. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    117

    I here and making it...

    Here are some more details in case your interested. You do deserve to know. I drug you into this in the first place.

    First, paypal is up and running and the internet is still intact.
    Second, I did let him know exactly how I feel about this love of mine.
    Third, we are still working on all of this.

    So, to answer some of the above:
    All of my materials are paid for: I hand craft greeting cards using fabrics, ribbons, threads, assorted papers, wire etc.
    I have all of this from a crafty grandma who loves me.
    I have a sewing machine that I asked for Christmas 3 years ago.
    I have all of my paper cutting supplies due to one mistake I made in our first year of marriage trying to sell a "scrapbook company" goods.
    I have to buy very little right now, and I currently have my wares in 2 stores in 2 other states.
    I think the bottom line is jealousy of my time and competition for him.
    I love this it isn't a fling, it's a great thing I've built up for a year. It started as gifts and is growing. He'll just have to see it as I see it.
    ps - check out my pictures and let me know what you think!*
    Thanks for your help.. I need all of you right now!!

  11. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    down by the bay
    Posts
    767
    Having sales in other states seems like you're doing pretty well!

    What activities did you do together before the business that perhaps he misses doing? Can you do your crafting while he's at work and spend time with him when he's at home? Maybe he needs a project of his own - it's hard to be jealous of someone's craft when you've got one of your own :) Or maybe he can help you!

    Can you send him out for bowling or something? Spending the rest of your life together doesn't mean spending all possible time together - it's stifling to personal growth.

    As someone who is still struggling with codependency, I might be too quick to label him as codependent, but it seems the signs are there.


 
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