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Thread: marital sex question

  1. #51
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    Oh god, I should not be reading this seeing as I'm only engaged and won't be married for at least a few years. I did have a question and instead of starting a new thread, I thought I'd ask it here (even though it's not *quite* on topic.)
    Like I said, I'm engaged and I'm nineteen (young, blah blah blah) and I love my fiance so much, but I have low libido problems. My fiance, on the other hand, seems to have... a rather high sex drive, and the combination of the two is quite sad and confusing and frustrating for both of us at times. It's not that I'm not attracted to him or that I don't love being with him or that we have other problems (aside from "normal" stuff) I just... have a hard time getting in the mood. I can partially blame the Pill, since I've read a lot about hormonal BC decreasing libido, but it still drives me insane.
    So anyway, has anyone else suffered from this low sex drive, especially at such a young age? I know women's sex drive supposedly doesn't "peak" til the 30's but jesus, I'm supposed to be one of those crazy hormonal young women!
    If not, I can just go on my merry (or not-so-much) way...

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  3. #52
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    I read about a product a few years back called "Niagra" that is a drink that seems to boost a woman's labito. It's a drink with a variety of herbs that may or may not have aphrodisiac properties. I don't know if it will help but you could try.

    Tomico

  4. #53
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    It is amazing how many couples get together with such drastic libido differences. It usually doesn't get any better. You either learn to live with the differences and frustration it causes now and then, or you decide it's too great a difference.

  5. #54
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    I've beensaying for years there 3 things people look for in a partner and there is a fourth that is the chaos factor from hell. We seek looks, intellegence, and personality. Usually of the three, you are lucky to get two out of the three. You can get a smart, pretty boy that is a jerk, a smart great guy that isn't as nice to look at or a lovely looking sweetyheart that is a dumb as a post.

    The Chaos factor is sexual compadibility. Besides frequency issues, there is time of day, and kink tolerance / desire / preferences. Even when both parters are equally kinky the parners may have different kink tastes. "I'm into S&M but I will not submit." "But hey, why not? I just want to humiliate you, but I don't want to hurt you." "You can smell my shoes and lick my feet but don't even think about tickling me!"

    Sorry, needed to lighten things up a bit.

    Tomico

  6. #55
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    A great liberation for me was reading recently that researchers divide the sex drive into three parts: libido, arousal and climax. I have very little libido, but am aroused and climax easily. (My husband, OTOH, has quite the libido.) Now that I understand this about myself I don't worry about my libido part. I just say Yes, get somewhat naked and let nature take its course; I don't get anxious about the first stage, as I know once I'm in the middle of it I will be just fine. I also observe my husband, and if he is getting cranky from lack of It, I can get him to bed - even if I don't have the need myself - and make us both happy.

  7. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrs_stroozi
    I also observe my husband, and if he is getting cranky from lack of It, I can get him to bed - even if I don't have the need myself - and make us both happy.
    I wish you were my husband :-)

  8. #57
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    ~~~chuckle~~~

    Ms. Lady, for what it's worth, I know where Port Matilda/ State College is. I went to college not far south of Penn State.

  9. #58
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    Then you know how slim the pickins are around here :)

  10. #59
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    Ah, the complaint of my friends who stayed there!

  11. #60
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    Kateastrophe, my husband and I have very different libidos as well. We've been together for 6 1/2 years and the last 5 have been very unsatisfactory for him in the sex department. I'm only 28 years old and have no major health problems, so I have no idea why my libido is so low. I've talked to doctors about fatigue/low libido, they just give me the generic "you have a lot of stress" response yet they offer no solutions. I do think that working shift work in a high stress job, with irregular sleep patterns due to same, and I'm the primary "bread-winner"/bill payer may have something to do with it. I don't mind making more money than DH, and I love him for not making it an issue between us, but he just got a better paying job and I hope that will take the edge off just a little. At the end of the day, having sex is often just one more thing I have to do before I can go to sleep at night. At one point it had been 2 months since we had sex and he threatened to leave. I talked with my best friend who's in med school and she suggested the pill change. I researched a few different ones and decided to switch from Marvelon to Alesse. It has helped, but I find I have to say "yes" more than I want to. It's not that I want to deny him intimacy, but it would be nice if when we lay down for a cuddle, sometimes, we could just cuddle.
    Like Mrs. Stroozi I have no problem cumming. In fact I usually do 3-4 times a session. But I cum quickly then I'm done. And he wants to "enjoy" it so he holds back and we keep going for awhile, which leaves me irritated physically ( I dry out) and emotionally. He's a marathon man and I'm a sprinter.

    So, recently I decided to buy us a sex toy. I bought one of those soft/pliable cock rings (god knows he doesn't need the tight variety!) that has a small vibrator in it. Even the act of buying made me feel sexy and adventurous! So far we're up to once a week. But I'm also using it once or twice a week when he's not home. And I'm making a conscious effort to masturbate ( I read in Ask Aunt Betty in BUST mag that masturbation is good for a low libido---> I love that mag...). Oh yeah and a nice water-based sugar-free lubricant makes those longer sessions much more enjoyable.

    I don't know if anything I've written here will help you. But seriously, if you really love him it's worth it keep trying until you find something that works. Now when I tell DH how hot he looks and plant a kiss behind his ear he smiles like he means it. He doesn't shake his head and roll his eyes like he used to.

    Sorry for the super long post!!!


 
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