marital sex question

[fairgreenlady]

What is the longest you'd go without sex from your husband? In that, I mean that you want it and he is not interested. How long until you pull your hair out, have a fling, or divorce him?

[Craft Forums]

[kindarana]

Two months after the marriage counselors and sex therapists give up. Either there's a problem with the brain between the legs (where the urologists and sex therapists help) or there's a problem with the brain above the shoulders, where the marriage counselor can help.

(No, I'm not yet married, but that's just a legal distinction in our case.)

[neuroticdawg]

Never had that problem with DH, but I never could stay with a guy who wouldn't put out. Call me a pig, but if I'm going to have to scratch my own itch, why do I need some guy and his laundry and his Monday night football blaring all over the house?

So yeah, it would drive me crazy if DH wouldn't give me any. He's the love of my life, so I'd definitely be trying to help him figure out what the problem was. I'd want to work it out as long as he did. But if he just wasn't attracted to me anymore or if there was someone else, I couldn't get past that. I can't say how long I'd stay, it would depend on the reason.

[illybang]

Never had that problem with DH, but I never could stay with a guy who wouldn't put out. Call me a pig, but if I'm going to have to scratch my own itch, why do I need some guy and his laundry and his Monday night football blaring all over the house?

you put it so well
made me giggle, too
:D

[Chelsea]

There is no way for me to say how long. I would obviously try to figure out the problem. And then go from there. It would just depend on when I get sick of it...if I ever did.

I don't put up with his wrestling belts and handmade horror movie masks for JUST sex...although it is nice ;)

[Sewlittletime]

Well...let's see. I've already gotten past that point!! LOL! My husband has depression, so he wasn't terribly interested before medication. And now he's not terribly interested after medication. The meds DO kill that urge, as I was told by a friend who has experienced the effects of depression meds after being the horniest chick on the block.
So, yup...I've done the long-term fling thing. I gotta get MY urges out somehow, and since men never listen to us, I never had any luck w/ getting my hubby to try switching to wellbutrin. So PHHHHT! to him!
Well, that would explain why our sons are 7 yrs. apart!
Anyway, I just ended things w/ my "fling"...he was making me too po'd. So I dunno what I'm gonna do now. SIGH.....

[fairgreenlady]

So did your hub KNOW about the fling? B/c the lying and sceheming and finding a babysitter for daytime fun is wearing me out :-O

[kissmyknitz]

Ladies! I'm shocked! (Rock on, sistas!)

But what if the shoe was on the other proverbial foot? How long would you want him to stay with you if suddenly you just lost your libido? Mr. Kiss and I have been together for 14 yrs and I can tell you its been both ways... and we've never cheated (at least I haven't) and haven't split up either (tho it has been mentioned , sometimes several times a day... kidding...)

If you have a good relationship, hang tough... There's more to it than sex. If nothing else is going well, bail. And if you've had enough of late night Cinemax by yourself, and you don't think it would absolutly kill him, go ahead and fling! According to this forum 2 out of 7 women do!

[Sewlittletime]

Did he KNOW? Not that I know of...he never said anything to me 'bout anything. BUT when I was hyper-thyroid and my emotions were all out of whack, I did "warn" him that this was not how I could live within the marriage. I've tried several different methods over the years to get him to see how damaging it is to my self-esteem and our relationship, but since I can never fully understand the depression thing, I guess I'll never fully understand his mind-set on this subject. He SAYS he's interested in sex, but I kinds gave up after a while b/c it was way too frustrating for me to ALWAYS be the one who initiated.
Mr Fling and I only saw each other maybe 2-3 times/year, so it wasn't really a hot 'n heavy thing. Friends w/ once in a while benefits.
That said, my DH is really a sweet guy in all other respects, and I am able to be a SAHM and take care of things around here. And he makes me laugh.
There may be more to it than the sex, but my god...we've literally gone w/o it for anywhere b/t several mos. to a year or so.

[fairgreenlady]

If you don't add up the lots and lots of times we've been 1-2 months without it, we've still been sexless for 3.5 yrs out of 7.5 yrs of marriage. Ten months, 18 months, and now 8 months and counting! His problem has been diagnosed (low testosterone). He just doesn't want to use the treatment on a regular basis. His excuses shape shift, and whenever I put an end to one excuse, he comes up with another. I'm done. He refuses counseling. Said, "I know we have a problem, I know I'm a large part of the problem, but I'm not going to change, so you need to make yourself happy." I think I'll interpret that as permission to have an affair.