View Poll Results: Did you/would you take your partner's last name?

Voters
136. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes, of course

    42 30.88%
  • No way! It is a stupid patriarchal tradition that should be phased out of society.

    47 34.56%
  • Eh, I don't really care. If it meant a lot to him/her, why not?

    47 34.56%
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  1. #21
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    May 2004
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    50
    Quote Originally Posted by cackalackie
    Well, maybe not legally, but this is the common practice.

    But - in this day and age of automation, I think you're hardly allowed more than three names (because there's no space in the computer system) --- and heaven forbid you don't go by your first name! That's all you can be, you know?!
    I guess I haven't run into that seeing that I've always been able to use my full name. I wonder if it is a regional thing?

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  3. #22
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    Apr 2005
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    Viroqua, WI
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    Creative kid-surnaming ideas?

    We were going to schmarm our names together (Neitson, which could be the the night sun, or moon), but the father inlaw was sorely disappointed to see that his part of the name would be reduced to 'son' instead of Larson.
    (Lartge has no rrrrring to it, now does it? Lisa Lart-ghe! hah!)
    Really, I had my own businees at the time, so keeping my name was perfect, even though I really have minimal connections with my dad's family line. I am really happy to not have filled out all the forms, but if I liked his name more, maybe it would have been fun!
    My question here is -- does anyone hve any creative kid-naming solutions?
    We decided for naming our kiddos though that the girls will get my name, and the boys will use his. FIL was much happier and really, so are we.
    Enjoy the planning process! It was fun to figure out as a couple what things were important to each other--yes, frustrating at times, but I'm a process person! best wishes to you!
    bitsy

  4. #23
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    Wisconsin
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    I was married May 28th, and just officially changed my name this week. I am very glad that I did it, and I see it as another way to recognize our marriage. My mother kept her name (she wasn't going to be "his" property), and hyphenated our names. I am proud of it, and I really loved it, but am ok with losing it. His name is 5 letters long, and mine was 12.

    Hyphenation sucks for kids. Kids are mean, and were always asking us why we had 2 names. Did our parents die? Were they divorced? Were they never married? I think it's an awful lot to put on a child. At 8 years old, they don't care that your mom wa a feminist in the 70's.

    It has also stunk in many other ways, having to send letters to student loan people and the IRS..."No, I didn't get married in the past year, this has always been my name." Magazine subscriptions are always wrong, doctors offices misfile your records, and as it was mentioned earlier, the computers screw things up with a long name. My name is also unique, Antonia, but with the long last name, it always turns into Ant on computer forms. I used to feel I spent half of my life correcting things with my name.

  5. #24
    Senior Member
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    May 2004
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    893
    I used to feel I spent half of my life correcting things with my name.
    See, that's why I wanted to keep it simple.

    (But then I went and gave one daughter a boy's name and the other daughter, a name that people either don't know how to pronounce or how to spell! Oh well, at least they'll never have to spell their last name!)

  6. #25
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2005
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    Congratulations Bellepouque!!!!!!!

    I always thought I would take my husbands name growing up. Then I met him and his name was already hyphenated, his mom added hers to all the kids names and kept her own. We do hyphenate all three together for fun everyonce and a while. Including the 2 hyphens its 24 characters long!! My name is cooler anyway, I also joke that he should just take my name, It makes his name sound like he's a rockstar or something...
    So, I kept my name and he his, now if we have kids we have a major problem....3 names to choose from!!

  7. #26
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2004
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    I chose to keep my middle name instead of moving my maiden name. However, we moved to Canada last year (I am American), and they INSIST that I use my maiden name in all legal/medical documentation and that kind of irritates me. Also, on stuff like bank accounts, where tax refunds, etc. get sent, the bank had been calling because of the difference in names and direct deposit was a nightmare. My US driver's license is in my married name, as is my American social security card. I have to carry around a copy of my marriage license to avoid confusion and sometimes it still doesn't work.

  8. #27
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    Mar 2005
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    yuppie suburbia
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    I took my husband's name and tossed out my first name.

    I'm really proud of my name now, because my first name (old middle name) is what *I* chose to be known by, my parents gave me my middle name, and my husband gave me my last name! So I feel like I get to acknowledge everyone.

    I love hearing about what people do with their names -- it's such an intensely personal, defining thing!

    I don't really think of taking my husband's name as him "owning" me. It's more like our team name, and I'm so proud of him I like everyone to know that we're a team! I'm such a sap!

  9. #28
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    Celery City, MI
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    To me it comes down to the freedom to make a choice.

    No matter what your reasons are, you shouldn't be judged for the choice you make.

    That assumes that most people are enlightened enough to think of it in those simple terms. But unfortunately we all know that that is not the case.

    Anyway that is how I justify having changed my name. Pure and simple, I just liked his better. It is way more anonymous than mine was.

  10. #29
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    Jun 2004
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    76
    I didn't actually vote, because while I didn't take my guy's last name, I do think its about choice and I don't think women who do choose to take their partners name are buying into patriarchy. I kept my name because thats who I am. J. was fine either way, but sort of expected that I would keep mine. We've been married for 10 years and it's never really been a problem - initally one of his grandmothers called me by his last name, but I sort of chalked up it to that's her time and I didn't really get blown out of shape about it (I really like her too, so that helps) but he was the one who told her that I didn't take his name and she didn't really have a problem with it.

    Now I'm expecting our first child and I'm sort of torn about what to do about the last name. Initially I thoght it would just take his last name, but lately I'm thinking we might hyphenate them because we both travel a lot and I don't want to go through a hassle of explaining that s/he is my child even though our last names are differnet at airport security, etc. But the down side of this is when the child gets married what if s/he wants to hyphanate with his partners name? And then what if the partner's name is hyphanated - good lord it would be 3 to 4 last names and thats a lot! But then again, when they get to be that age they may just drop some or all of the last name and create something new.

  11. #30
    Junior Member
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    Apr 2005
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    i have to object to the three answer choices in this poll.

    i didn't take my husband's name but i never said, "hell no! it's a stupid patriarchal tradition." nor was it really a matter of what he wanted -- though he honestly didn't feel strongly either way.

    i kept my name because i like the way it sounds, i like what it means, and i didn't feel any pressure or need to change it.

    i long for the day when this question is really not a big deal, because that's the way it seemed for me.


 
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