View Poll Results: my mother and i have a...

Voters
90. You may not vote on this poll
  • great relationship, we're best friends!

    31 34.44%
  • we disagree but we can agree to do so in a civil manner.

    31 34.44%
  • love/hate... we love eachother but hate the other's opinions and fight constantly.

    15 16.67%
  • non-existent relationship, we haven't spoken for days/months/years.

    13 14.44%
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Results 11 to 20 of 42
  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Cleveland, OH
    Posts
    379
    My dad pretty much left my semi-autistic brother, my mom, and me when I was 8.
    And he wasn't around very much after that.
    So my mom and I became really, really close. Close in the sense that if anything is bothering me, I can talk to her about it and she'll be really patient while I cry and repeat myself a billion times.
    We're not how we used to be, but we still love each other a lot. If I get really scared at night, she doesn't mind when I crawl into bed with her.
    She has definitely influenced me, I think for the best. (Although the only thing that really pisses me off is the fact that she says "Don't ever rely on a man for anything!" when she dated a guy for 8 years just because she was scared we wouldn't be able to do anything around the house or fix things. Uhm, hellooooo?)

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  3. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    80
    Selah wrote:
    If there was a box that read, "She embarasses me, annoys the hell out of me and I'm terrified I'll become her" I would have checked that one with a GIANT X.

    This basically sums it up for me. It was really a Hate/Hate relationship until I moved out to go to college. Its been six years and we can actually have conversations now- we talk every couple of days. Huge improvement, but still not perfect. She's a strange lady- incredibly insensitive and seems to toy with my insecurities. Yes, terrified that I'll become her.

  4. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    2,021
    my mom isn't my "best friend", but i checked that box because we have an awesome relationship and have lots of fun together. we pretty much hated each other when i was a teenager, but i was very depressed and she was an active alcoholic, so all things considered, just hating each other is pretty damned good.

    we're both much healthier now, and we can be family and friends with a minimum of emotional weirdness. which i think is pretty amazing, considering i DO live at home still.

  5. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    284
    my mom and i are as close as close can be!

    she just visited over the weekend and helped me set up my new apartment. she adores my boyfriend. she's super smart (writing her dissertation as we speak!). she always tells me i'm beautiful, even if i feel like a lumpy fat-head. i wish she could have stayed longer!

  6. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    phildelphia
    Posts
    365
    I didn't check a box because none of those fit me. I can't stand my mom. I manage to talk with her once a month and let her tell me she misses me and loves me, but I know she doesn't give half of a rat's ass about me. She's totally self-centered and a wicked toxic person in my life. And yet, I can't cut her out completely.
    For example, if I know she's sick, I feel like, well, you deserve it because you refuse to take care of yourself, but I also feel bad and feel obligated to tell her how to take care of herself so she doesn't get sick. A kid shouldn't have to do that for her mom.... pathetic....

  7. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    210
    We are perfectly fine now that we don't live together. After I left home and did some growing up, I saw that she was right about a lot of things. Now we practically cry everytime we get off the phone with each other!

  8. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    330
    My mother disowned me when I was 18. It's of course a long story but it boils down to I'm not living the life she wants me to live. Her and my dad are still married so when I call to talk to him she acts like she doesn't know me. I can hear her voice become cold when she realizes it's me.

    I'm 29 now and it still hurts when she does that. Takes me about three weeks to get up courage to call my dad because she might answer the phone.

    But for the most part I'm used to it. I've been to therapy and released a lot of my pain and anger. She never wanted a child and spent most of my childhood telling me so. All in all it's probably healthier for me that she's out of my life because she was adamant in hurting my self esteem.

  9. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Dallas, TX
    Posts
    341
    I think mother daughter-relationships are, on the whole, the most complicated family relationships there are.

    Mine's a little different than a lot of people's, I guess, because my parents got divorced when I was 7, and my dad was the primary custodial parent. My mom had lots of visitation, so it wasn't like she was out of my life, but I missed her a lot. As I got older, there was some tension in my dad's blended family, and I wasn't really getting along with him at all, so she was like my refuge. She was young and cool and fun; she was 19 when she married my dad and 22 when she had me, and people always mistook us for sisters. And really, I guess there was more of a big-sister vibe there than a mom vibe, but in any case, I pretty much idolized her.

    As I grew up and started dealing with some of my baggage(some family-related, some not), I started seeing her differently. As my therapist says, what's cool as a teenager isn't necesarily so cool as an adult. Eventually, for a lot of reasons I won't bore you with, it was like everything flipped. I am really close to my dad now, and I get along really well with my step-family - especially since there are little kids to dote on now - but my relationship with my mom just kept getting tenser and tenser. Finally I broke down and told her how I felt - which started off with me being angry and then devolved into a lot of crying - and things have been a lot better. Still, it's not perfect. I love my mom a lot. She is a good mother. But I don't know if we'll ever be as close as we were, and that kind of makes me sad.

    OK, rambled enough, time to stop typing.

    Alison

  10. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600
    Quote Originally Posted by redheadedali
    I think mother daughter-relationships are, on the whole, the most complicated family relationships there are.

    i couldnt agree more. i adore my mother... there are very few people on this Earth that i would rather spend an evening with. we can go to the classiest joint in town, or the smokiest hole and always have a blast. my mom really knows how to let her hair down, which i love. i love laughing with her and poking fun at eachother.

    dont get me wrong, she totally pisses me off. she tells me things that she regrets (pertaining to my growing up/development), and i get annoyed. she is a plethora of unsolicited advice & she is an absolutely terrible listener (totally spaces out if the conversation doesnt suit her). she stays with my father despite his out-of-control alcoholism and emotional problems... i cant tell you how many times shes left and gone back to him.

    but at the end of the day, my door is always open to her... if she needs a place to crash after a fight with my dad-- fine. she wants to bitch about her sister-- fine. she wants to have brunch and swill wallbangers-- fine. i wouldnt mind becoming my mom someday; in fact, some days i think ive already made the transformation.

    -- eli, the momma's girl.

  11. #20
    Guest
    kissmyknitz, I know exactly how you feel. My mom has been an alcoholic for 40 years. Everything wrong with her life is someone else's fault. No matter how many times she has been taken to the hospital, she won't accept help. It's sad and hard, but I strongly encourage you to take care of yourself and your family. She is an adult and has made her own decisions. But I know what it's like to worry about your mom anyway, and feel sorry for her and wish you could make it better. I'll pray for you, sweetie...


 
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