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  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert Einstein
    Thanks for all the advice, everyone, but I can't really throw my brother into foster care for the last few months he's a minor. That would be a worst case scenerio for me. My brother isn't an idiot so I'm hoping he'll have enough sense to realize the delicate nature of the situation and be on his best behavior. I talked to him about it and we seem to have come to an understanding.
    I think you need to treat this like he's on probation. He can live with you as long as he's willing to participate in regular meetings mediated by an outside party.

    The purpose of those meetings is to,

    Work out some ground rules for his behavior in the house. In all seriousness, a written contract with both of you signing it would be a great idea.

    Talk about what will happen if he fails to abide by those rules.

    Once that structure is in place, meetings are for checking in and talking about any issues that have come up.

    The behavior you describe is extremely serious. He needs to prove to you that he deserves the second chance you're giving him.

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  3. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by Albert Einstein
    Quote Originally Posted by sjkmaurice
    If he honestly wants to go to school and change his life, see about enrolling him in Job Corps. I don't know what it's all about now, but almost 20 years ago, my uncle did it and he said it's the best change he ever made in his life. He finished school, got his GED and learned a trade (painting) that he loves. He's never had a problem getting a job, either.
    We're trying to get him back into school before next Friday when my dad leaves. He got thrown out, so we thought he was just being a punk or whatever, but when we asked him about it, it just turns out they switched teachers in his graphic design classes. His new teacher was treating him really poorly so he walked out. We can probably get him in the same class as his old teacher.
    (bolded by me)

    No offense at all to your brother, but my (now 22 year old) brother pulls this kind of crap. Everywhere, in every situation, people are mean to him, rude to him, piss him off, treat him wrong, etc. Everything bad that happens to him is not his fault, it's in direct relation to something that someone else did and he's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone always has it in for him. I'll tell you this -it's most often not them, it's my brother. I would make him go back to that class because my brother thinks he deserves the upmost respect and esteem from everyone he encounters and he doesn't understand that that's not the case and you can't just keep leaving when things get to where you don't like it. It's a cop out to allow him to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do.

  4. #13
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Central Coast of California
    When I was 23, I had a foster "son" that almost looked like my twin. Everyone thought he was my brother and our close age (though not as close as you and your brother) made it more of a challenge to parent. I could give you pages of advice from my own experience as a long term foster parent to teenage boys so close to my own age, but instead I send my good thoughts for standing up when family needs you. I hope you surround yourself with supportive people. Social services should have free support if not actual counseling for you. Foster care is not a happy place we all wish it were. It's hell.
    PM me anytime.

  5. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Good on you for standing by your brother and not abandoning him - it's going to be hard, so get all the support you can from social services and whatnot.

    Maybe you could look into alternative ways he can pursue the graphic art stuff he wants to do - programs outside of the schools, perhaps? It may be rough for him to get into art school if he keeps screwing up, you are right about that, so perhaps some of the GetCrafties can chime in with info on programs available in your city?

  6. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Just wanted to say it sounds like you're having a lot to deal with right now- I hope you manage to take some time to look after yourself as well as your brother. My sister is 10 years younger than me and i've had to do a fair amount of 'parenting' over the years- at times it's meant that our relationship has been horrible, but right now it's better than it's ever been. And at 19 yourself you could probably do with some parenting yourself- I don't mean that in a bad way, I just know that at 32 there's a lot of times I still feel the need for a parent to take care/tell me what to do.
    good luck

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