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  1. #1
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    Desperate house girlfriend & roomie troubles *VENTING*

    My boyfriend and I are renting a room from friends of his, a newly married couple. The husband I'll call M and his wife I'll call F, just for the purposes of saving my ass because it is a small world after all. Anyway, my boyfriend works all the time and right now I am currently unemployed so my contributions aren't financial but I always make sure his clothes are clean and that he has a hot dinner ready for him, but I'm going crazy! F is off of work due to medical troubles but still seems to think that I should be cleaning her house on a daily basis as I was when she was working. I always make sure to clean up after my boyfriend and I, so I'm not contributing to the pig sty that the house has become, and I didn't mind cleaning the house everyday except that F was always giving me attitude because M would make a big to do that I did so much house work, plus it became expected of me to follow her around picking up her garbage and dirty dishes, I am not her mother, nor is this my house so I don't think that I should have to be responsible for cleaning up after her constantly, it's all a matter of laziness really, she'll get up and get a drink, leave her empty glass on the coffee table and decide she's hungry and go get a bowl of ice cream and leave the empty bowl on the coffee table, then go and get a new glass for another drink or another clean bowl for ice cream and they just pile up. Common sense would hopefully tell somebody that if they are going to the kitchen for another drink or more food to take the dirty dishes with them and rinse them out and re-use them but this girl is completely lacking in the common sense department. Most of the time when I decide to do everybody's dishes, there is usually garbage and cigarette butts in the kitchen sink, which is a huge pet peeve of mine, but I can't say anything because it is not my house. They are wastefull and rude and I feel horrible complaining to my boyfriend about them because they are his friends, not close friends but they are doing us a bit of a favour by letting us live here... If we had the money, we'd be gone in a heartbeat, and I told my boyfriend already that if we owned the house and they were renting from us, they'd be evicted faster than they moved in...

    As for the desperate house girlfriend thing, I love my boyfriend dearly and I'm not about to have a steamy affair with the maintenance guy or anything, but it does get awful lonely because he works between 10-16 hours a day, whether it be at his place of employment or working from home so we don't get much time together unless it's watching television, which about 2 months ago almost ended our relationship, so we decided that one night a week will be our night, just the two of us, no television, so we usually go out for dinner and come back to the house and just watch a movie in our room, which kinda defeats the purpose of a television free night, but beggars can't be choosers I guess, but I do however need some ideas for cheap or free things for us to do, just to keep this from getting too routine.

    I also need some ideas to make this living situation more bearable, I've been thinking of taking some courses just to keep me busy for a few hours each day, but any other ideas would be most appreciated. Sorry for the terribly long post, I just really don't have anybody to talk to about this, perhaps if anybody else is in a similar situation we could all learn from eachother and keep eachother sane.

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  3. #2
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    Oh shoot, sorry I suppose I should have posted this in Domestic Bliss, but it isn't exactly a blissfull situation, if somebody could tell me how to move it so I don't get into trouble with the moderators, that would be super.

  4. #3
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    i'll move it for you - no worries!

    and very sorry about your situation. nothing's worse than inconsiderate housemates and worse, being the one to have to clean up after everyone. wish i had some ideas to help you but all i can do is give you my best of luck and hope that your situation improves. the only thing i can think of is sort of going on strike and not cleaning up ridiculous stuff but most of the time, people are totally clueless and it just winds up being more work for you in the long run. believe me, i've tried.....

  5. #4
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    When my boyfriend's mom was younger she lived with roommates who never cleaned up after themselves. Finally she got so fed up she broke every single dish in the house and left all the pieces on the kitchen floor.

  6. #5
    Senior Member
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    May 2004
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    I would not resort to breaking dishes, or any of those tactics. Clean up after your bf and you, and that's it. Seriously. You are under no obligation to clean up after other people. I was in a eerily similar situation as you. I would bust my ass cleaning the whole entire kitchen, and only my bf would thank me. The next day, everyone would be completely slobs, and fill the sink with disgusting dishes. Our friend would sit and watch me clean it all, while doing absolutely nothing.

    It was not fun, and I'm really truely sorry that you are in that situation, because it completely sucks.
    The thing is, you can be nice all you want, but if they don't appreciate it and are going to treat you like shit anyways, you might as well stop doing the extra work. It means the kitchen will probably be disgusting, and they might possibly blame it all on you to other people. I dunno. There really is no easy answer.

    You guys might want to start looking for places to move out into. I'm not trying to say that it can't work out, but if you guys are having issues, it might just be bad group dynamics.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by craftytricks
    When my boyfriend's mom was younger she lived with roommates who never cleaned up after themselves. Finally she got so fed up she broke every single dish in the house and left all the pieces on the kitchen floor.
    that was always a secret fantasy of mine.....
    but i loved my fiestaware too much!

  8. #7
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    Rochester, NY
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    Do you feel comfortable enough to call a house meeting? It sounds like they never worked out with you what they expected your contribution to their household was to be, in terms of cleaning and such. You may have to force the issue. But if you're not comfortable even approaching them with that, then why even live with them??

  9. #8
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    Apr 2004
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    Re: Desperate house girlfriend & roomie troubles *VENTIN

    Quote Originally Posted by FauxChina
    They are wastefull and rude and I feel horrible complaining to my boyfriend about them because they are his friends, not close friends but they are doing us a bit of a favour by letting us live here... If we had the money, we'd be gone in a heartbeat, and I told my boyfriend already that if we owned the house and they were renting from us, they'd be evicted faster than they moved in...
    I think that because you're in a dependent position, it's going to be very difficult to effect any change in the status quo. For sanity's sake, I would suggest,

    Find somewhere to go to give structure to your day. A good library with internet access would be perfect. That way you can surf, read, browse the current newspapers, read Help Wanted ads and get some badly needed time away from F. And in a library you won't have the financial temptations you might have in a mall or coffee shop.

    Taking a course might be a great idea, more time to spend "studying" or "doing research". You don't need to tell them you spent half an hour studying and four hours reading mysteries.

    Participate in National Novel Writing Month.

    http://www.nanowrimo.org/


    Other ideas might be daily walks around the block (gotta get some exercise), free or cheap museums, volunteer work, etc.

    Pick up a sketchpad and pencils and go out sketching regularly. Work your way through the exercises in "Drawing From the Right Side of the Brain".

    Once you've figured out what's going to get you out of the house regularly, come home in time to make dinner for your boyfriend and do some cleaning. Just because they are doing you a bit of a favour and you want to grease the social wheels. But don't knock yourself out. Do an hour or two's worth of work in the afternoon and if that's not enough to keep the place from being a shithole, oh well.

  10. #9
    Junior Member
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    Oct 2005
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    I agree with what others have suggested, I think it may be a good idea to think of some activities outside of the house to occupy yourself during the day. Being involved in things, like library visit, classes, volunteer work, walks etc... will be a good excuse not to spend your whole day inside cleaning up after your roommates.

    For you and the fellow.... you two could think of a handful of things you are interested in doing, seeing, learning etc ...and make a list. My boy and I did this. When we need to spend some quality time together we pick something off the list.

    Our list has things like...
    play cards
    read This Book to one another
    visit This Park and walk around
    look through photo album
    bake cookies
    visit library
    listen to This CD together
    walk around This Neighborhood and window shop

    You may also want to sit down with your roommates, all 4 of you, and make agreement on cleaning. Maybe you can take turns cleaning the house, 1 week on & 1 week off cleaning duty, or something like that.

    I'm sorry this is so stressful. I remember living with a friend and her very inconsiderate boyfriend - I felt sick from the stress.

    good luck!

    dd

  11. #10
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    Thank you so much for all the great ideas everybody! I just signed up for an accounting class that starts next week, so that will be a big help as well. Also I was talking to F yesterday and we decided to make up a calendar of things that need to be done every day, so everybody can just pick something from the calendar so we are all working together, rather than just one person doing everything. I actually tried the strike idea, but I do enjoy tidying up, it's not my most favourite of hobbies but if it needs to be done, I don't mind doing it. She even told me yesterday that even though she doesn't really show it, she does appreciate what I do around the house, and that made me feel a hell of a lot better about everything.


 
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