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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600

    pity party & everyone's invited.

    it feels like my fiance is always working late... im not a clingy person, but im starting to get irritated.

    i love cooking for the two of us, so after work i went to the gourmet market & picked up some delish odds and ends for a nice meal. began cooking and the phone rings-- "taking a client out for dinner, will be home late" he says. no doubt a fucking fantastic restaurant, as we live in NYC. and here i am with a half cooked meal and no one to feed.

    i called all the ladies, and no one's available (go figure, its 730).

    i guess i just never thought id be in the position-- home, alone, waiting for some man to come home. ive never been the domestic/committed type, but made the compromise and "settled down" for this man. sometimes it just feels like a big fucking mistake and im so TIRED of it.

    thanks for listening.
    -- eli.xoxo

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    456
    I'll come to your pity party. It's almost 8 p.m. and my husband is no where near home. The kids are driving me crazy and there's no one to watch them because my mother in law is a nut-job and the baby doesn't like her anyway. My family is half a world away and now that the holidays are near, I'm getting lonely.

    Does your fiance' know how you feel?

  4. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New Mexico
    Posts
    330
    That sucks. Is there a cool craft club you can join? Then you'd be guaranteed good company once a week. Didn't a recent Bust article have something about starting a dinner party? Or maybe that was Bitch.

    Wish there was a crafty group in Taos...sigh

  5. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600
    Quote Originally Posted by twilight
    That sucks. Is there a cool craft club you can join? Then you'd be guaranteed good company once a week. Didn't a recent Bust article have something about starting a dinner party? Or maybe that was Bitch.

    Wish there was a crafty group in Taos...sigh
    that was Ready-Made. actually, the dinner party group that they featured was in Brooklyn, maybe i should just find them...

    -- eli

  6. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    822
    Well...I'd like to join in. My husband was home last night, but not all here. Our pre-schooler wanted to take a bath so he could play with his boats, and what does my husband do? Draws the bath, gets the little one in, and goes into our room to lie down WITH THE DOOR CLOSED!!
    I was downstairs w/ our older son helping him with some school work, and it semed awfully quiet upstairs, so I went to check on them, finding the above situation.
    While lecturing my husband, the little one slipped in the tub! GRRRR! I just went off on my husband! Told him "You NEED to be alert and at least looking in on him to make sure he's not standing up or turning on the hot water tap!"
    Oftentimes I will be folding laundry in our bedroom while he is bathing, so it wasn't so much that I was worried about him getting hurt, as it was that my husband was barely awake in our bed!
    Anyway, thinking I had stressed the importance of his being alert, I had to go back down to help my older son again. Again it goes quiet. I go back upstairs, and my husband is STILL in bed w/ his eyes half closed! Then I really let him have it......but I didn't yell. I'm very proud of myself for keeping my cool. I told him (and this is obviously built-up anger over many issues) "I understand that when you come home from work, that you're tired. But I'm tired too! If you aren't going to help at all with the care of YOUR house and YOUR children, there is no point in your being here! I don't want to do this act alone, but I CAN if I have to!"
    My husband takes meds for depression, and will often let his pills run out and not get them refilled for a week. I told him several weeks ago that if I did that with my thyroid meds, I would be back to square one, and a hyper, b***chy mess! I told him "YOU CAN'T DO THAT to yourself or your family! YOU HAVE TO keep a steady dose of the meds in your system in order to keep your symptoms at bay!"
    Well...you get the picture!
    And I'm so sorry for totally hijacking your post elixirbeth!!

  7. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    809
    I think there must be something in the air that is making male significant others neglectful or clueless or something. I'm also super frustrated with my husband's behavior right now.

    Perhaps daylight savings time triggers some kind of "spouse annoying hormone" in them?

    I don't mean to make light of it all.....more just to observe that is seems to have come in a wave for everyone.

    Hang in there! And I say vent like crazy. I think moms are especially good for that.

  8. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    822
    I've noticed the husband annoyance in droves lately too. Glad I'm nto the only one!

  9. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    los angeles county, CA
    Posts
    566
    Call your fiance before you leave work - ask if he'll be home for dinner. It's a pain and may feel like a capitulation, but it'll save you pointless cooking time and the frustration you're feeling now. And it may make him more actively aware (1) how often he's not home and (2) how much you're missing him.

    What is it about dads and kids' baths?!?? It took an emergency room visit to convince my husband that bath mats are a good thing to use. When my daughter was about 20 months old, I was out late and my husband put her in her bath, without watching her and without putting the bathmat down. When she heard me come in, she jumped out of the tub to greet me, then ran back into the bathroom, slipped on the wet tiles and split open her chin!!!!

  10. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Pasadena, California
    Posts
    1
    pity parties are no fun.....but they are over pretty quick...just dont bring out the shame stick (cube of butter, rolled in sugar, on a stick).....or eat a whole gallon of ice cream. trust me, its really not worth it. *wink*

  11. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600
    per everyone's advice in the "uplifting movies" thread, I watched under the tuscan sun...

    not quite sure if it HELPED my relationship though... i fell asleep with really strong urges to move to europe. alone.

    hehe. :-)
    -- eli


 
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