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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    169

    Abandoning my marriage...

    After almost a year of ups and downs...I have come to the conclusion that I need to leave my marriage... It is the toughest thing I have ever done... I still love my husband..he is sweet funny and kind... But he has also been dishonest...secretive and selfish... It is the hardest thing..because I don't think most people leave okay relationships until they have someone new... I don't but I feel the need to leave this relationship before things get more complicated... I even feel he loves me in his way..but not enough... Like the book... I think he is just not that into me... He is still in Cuba... I have been married to him for almost four years...With all the redflags it just seems to make more sense to leave now..

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    438
    Aww, hon. You are in my thoughts. I wish you the best, and him too.It sounds like you may be doing the right thing, though.

  4. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Charm City
    Posts
    362
    I'm sorry you're having these troubles, louisa, and I hope you have friends and family to support you through the time ahead.

    You're smart to do what needs to be done WRT your marriage before even looking for a new relationship, though. I have a friend who is in the position of being torn between her husband and a new love interest, and it's a maddening thing to watch.

    Please keep in touch and take care of yourself.

  5. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    387
    Hang in there!

    This can't be easy but it does sound like you have thought through your decision and are making the right choice for you.

    Sending good thoughts your way during what must be an incredibly difficult time.

  6. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    893
    Sorry to hear it. I hope that perhaps now that you've made the decision, though, it can be a weight off your back - and you can focus on the here and now. Good luck!

  7. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600
    Louisa, you deserve to live your best life (very Oprah of me to say, but it's true!)

    Take care, and thinking of you...

    xoxo eli

  8. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Missouri, The Show Me State
    Posts
    179
    I admire you so much for having the strength to realize what is best for you and having the courage to go and do it, if I had had your courage and heart a lot of things in my life would have gone differently! My best wishes for you at this hard time :(

  9. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    portland oregon!!!
    Posts
    328
    Louisa, I'm sorry. It's not an easy decision.

    You did mention "I don't think most people leave okay relationships until they have someone new" which is possibly true, but I think it's more painful to have someone break up with you and go directly into the arms of another. I guess this is kind of a props/kudos that you didn't do that, that you're going off on your own.

    I hope you're coping okay.

  10. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Vancouver
    Posts
    169

    thanks so much everyone...

    well funny how things go.. I phoned my husband's sisters mother-in-law..and guess what.. My husband has someone living with him.. I can't believe it.. well let me correct myself..I can believe it... because I suspected that he had someone else..but due to the distance aspect of the relationship..he was able to somewhat hide it.. but to have someone move in with him..without admitting anything to me.. is apparently very male of him... It did nail the coffin shut... I would have lived in hope of a break in our story..if I hadn't known... On a more positive note.. I did meet a divorced woman in a coffee shop today... we exchanged cards... it is nice to meet kindred souls..

  11. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    438
    I'm so sorry. However, it's not 'male' of him- he's a jerk. He'd be a jerk if he was female. I wish you the best, though. Now you can start divorce proceedings, and you can name your terms. He's committed adultery.


 
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