Starting over with kids after 35, thoughts and feelings?
I am wondering how many of you out there have had additional children when the first 'round' of them was nearly over. My daughters are 13 &15 and from my first marriage. I had them young and am now only 35. Up until I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, I did not consider having more kids. But he doesn not have any of his own and I think he is finally starting to think about it. We just bought a house together and are in agreement that marriage is the next step before any kids are involved. I am very torn with the issue. On one hand, I like the idea of having a shared family with this man. I love him and want to spend my life with him. I could not deny him that if that is what he wanted. On the other hand, I feel like my life is just starting to 'bloom' with more free time, more money, and more me-time. I feel so far removed from sick babies, poopy diapers and all of 'icky' things about children, it just does not appeal to me very much. My first husband was a horrible provider and little or no help when the kids were young; this man will not be that way so I feel like I might 'enjoy' children a little more with more help and less stress. Another issue is my job, which I hate. I did not work when my girls were infants and I can not imagine having a baby in day care all day to go to a job that I hate. Bottom line is I don't want to work the first few years and I think that might be a problem for him. I could try to do things at home but the money from that is so unreliable, you know? Anyone who has any advice, thoughts, or musings, please share.
01-23-2007 12:32 PM
My advice would be that if the only reason you are willing to have a baby is so that your partner isn't "cheated" then you probably shouldn't have a baby. If your feelings change, great...if not, you would probably always feel a little resentment towards your partner and the child that you had out of obligation. [Just my opinion...] My brother and his girlfriend will not have any children together [he is 34] because she has two teenage children and doesn't want any more and he is fine with that.
Hi there...I''m new to getcrafty and this is my first post, but you are describing my life, in a nutshell.
I had my first when I was 19, that was 20 years ago and he has just entered the army. I also have a 14 year old. At the time that I met my husband, I didn''t think that I would ever have any more children, and I didn''t think that I wanted any more either. I adore children, but at that time, didn''t think any more would be for me.
I have two more now. A three year old and a two year old. We actually tried for the older. The younger was a complete surprise, but they are wonderful.
I am very happy that we made the decision to have more children. Being older, I have more patience, maturity and insight into parenting and the world in general. I had to work with my two older boys and I don''t have to now. Sometimes being at home pretty much 24/7 drives me a little crazy, but I feel so much closer to the babies.
For us, this has all worked out perfectly. Everyone is different, though...If you look forward to free time without children, then perhaps this isn''t for you. For me, working would be stealing time that I could spend with the babies. I would resent any job that did that. I don''t look towards activities that don''t include the children for recreation. Rarely is anything planned, in or out of the home for any reason that they aren''t part of.
My husband and I go back and forth in discussion about having one or two more. I''m going to be 40 this year. I wouldn''t mind having another baby or two. But I would like one of them to be a girl. Right now, I have four boys.
To sum up...Parenthood over 35 is a joy for me...It could be a nightmare for someone else. It''s up to the individuals to decide what their lives to be like and what they want for themselves and their current and future families.
I had my first at 30 and then my second at 39. In between was a divorce and a new husband and lots of doubts, and I got pregnant anyhow.
Long story short my two kids are the light of my life. I wouldn't trade either of them for the world. My oldest is off to college next year, which is hard to believe. Parenthood is temporary; little babyhood and little childhoods are temporary, too.
Downside was having the second child was HARD, especially during the first few years. She's a very different person than her brother, and her father is very different from my son's father. My career journey got sidetracked just as I had gotten it back together, but that was also because of circumstances beyond the baby. At 40 and economically chronically stressed I was TIRED. (I still am tired.)
Upside is that I adore my daughter now; she is my best girlfriend. I "don't do" little kids well anyhow, and as they both grow they both get better and my life gets easier. And selfishly, as my son transitions into adulthood, my daughter will still be with me for a few more years, so I have prolonged mommy-hood for a little longer. (I love mommy-hood.)