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  1. #1
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    Share your hair disasters here.

    Inspired by the "breaking up with your hairstylist" thread, here's another fluffy place to vent about the terrible things we've had inflicted on our hair.

    - After trying for a couple of weeks to work with a particularly bad haircut, I went to another salon to get it trimmed into better shape. The stylist looked at me and said, "Your hair is longer on one side than the other! Are you on drugs or something?" I should have walked out then, but no, I let him continue. At the end he tried to style my hair exactly as it had been when I walked in—with the bad cut I wanted to fix, at the end of a long working day, in the rain.

    - I went to a new salon, pricier than my usual, on someone's recommendation. I wanted a body wave—no curl, just make it look a little thicker. Stylist said, "Oh, with hair as fine as yours, we'll have to use the smallest rollers!" Yep. Poodle perm.

    - You'd think I'd have learned my lesson, but years later I got the bright idea to try to crimp-perm my hair by setting it on wooden tongue depressors instead of rollers. (Note to everyone: THIS DOES NOT WORK.) I bought a home perm and had a friend help me. Never mind that she had even less hairstyling experience than I did. "Disastrous" doesn't begin to describe the result. And I had to attend a wedding the next day.

    - One cut was so short (totally my fault; I asked for it) that it prompted a friend to exclaim "Oh, it's so cute—you look like a bull dyke!" Uh, thanks, glad you think that's a good thing, but it wasn't quite what I was going for.

    - When I'd regularly been getting razor cuts (and liking them), I went to a new stylist at my usual cheapie salon. He said "I don't own a razor," (Lesson learned: when a stylist confesses they don't own the tool that's regularly used on your hair, get up and walk away. Especially if said stylist himself is bald.) "But I can do a different kind of cut that will look exactly the same." Bzzzzzt. Wrong answer.

    - Lastly, I must share again the dangers of L'Oreal Couleur Experte. 2-step home color and highlights look like a neat idea. Stay away. "Dark blonde" ends up more like "Cheez Whiz". Just. Don't. Especially if you have a job interview the next morning.

    C'mon everybody, let's all have a cathartic laugh at our own hair's expense.

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  3. #2
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    When I was about 13 (in 1985) I decided to give my bangs a trim. I was in the midst of growing out many feathered layers and I decided I wanted a retro sort of look - it worked well and when I pulled my hair back I actually looked pretty good! My mother was furious that I 'ruined' my hair and dragged me off to the neighborhood salon where they admonished me for an hour then 'trimmed' everything, but just in the front! I ended up with a horrific mullet. Thankfully I lived in mullet-central so everyone at school was quite impressed with my new 'do. I hated it though and soon after hacked off the back and ended up ultimately with a simple bob. Unfortunately I had the mullet during both a family reunion and big vacation so there are many many images of me at my awkward adolescent worst with a big poofy mullet.

    I once tried one of those home highlighting kits - someone called, I got distracted, and I left it on too long. I ended up with bleachy blotches all over my head. I tried to dye my hair a darker color and ended up with purple blotches. My hair is naturally a dark strawberry blonde - I gave up and went to a salon - they had to dye it dark dark red to cover up the blotches. It looked amazing but faded after 2 weeks, leaving my hair looking like rusty poo.

  4. #3
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    i have BIG hair. everytime i think i've made it smaller it still looks just as big. i wrote about it on my blog:

    - Pens. I put them there for safe keeping then forget about them. One time Patrick found two Bics when I came home from a hectic day! I've also had them fall out of my hair when I was talking to people i really wanted to impress.

    - Once at our office cafeteria, the lady behind me at the salad bar line said, "I think this is yours". It was a Post It Note with someone else's writing. I'm like, "Huh?" - so I replied, "Oh no, it's not mine." And she snapped, "Well it was stuck in your hair, take it!"

    - A Charm's Blow Pop. OK, I have a good reason for this. Patrick and i were taking the kids to my in-laws so we could go out on a long-awaited date. Maya was a small toddler and she was in the car seat in the back seat. I rode next to her. She was chomping on a Charm's Blow Pop and waving her arms around like toddlers do.

    Later that night Patrick and I are dancing at the club. He put his hand in my hair - I thought in a romantic way - but then he said, "Woman, you have a sucker in your hair!". i'm like, "No way!". He is like, "Way. Go to the bathroom and see." I went in the bathroom, and sure enough, Maya's Blow Pop was embedded in my 'do.

    But the most painful thing was standing there in front of the mirror next to all these skinny gorgeous girls primping themselves and having them gawk at me (a chunky mom) rip a sucker from my hair. I tried to giggle and say non-chalantly, "You'll never believe what happened! This is from my daughter. She is a toddler and we were driving to my inlaws and..."

    they nodded and left before i could finish.

    - Here's the topper! I once had a baby lizard lost in my hair! I have a good reason for this too. Patrick and I were cleaning out the detached shed in our backyard. It was old and creepy in a hillbilly cannibal sort of way. I was hurrying on cleaning it the best I could (we had just rented it) and I got the heebie jeebies so I went back in the house. Later on, i was doing the dishes. I felt someone pull my hair. I quickly turned around and yelled, "HEY!", but no one was there.

    I went back to doing the dishes and it happened again only harder and longer. I lost it - I thought our house was haunted and that even the damn ghost was teasing me about my big hair. I screamed and ran to Patrick.

    "Help! There's a ghost in the kitchen and it's pulling my hair! Let's move from this house, it's haunted!"

    he looked at me in a questionably concerned, yet loving way. Being the critcal thinker that he is, he told me calmly to sit down in front of him. He rifled his fingers through my hair as if he was searching for a quarter that had been dropped in some grass.

    "Ooooohhh, it's a baby lizard", he said. "Poor thing. He is scared to death! he was tangled in your hair."

    He got the scissors and cut him loose and set him free in the backyard. And he made ME out to be the villian!

  5. #4
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    oh my goodness Crafty Chica! Your stories are the best!

    My boyfriend also has big hair--it's beautiful, black and curly. He keeps his glasses in it on the top of his head! They stay perfectly. I absolutely love big curly hair, especially dark colored (I have straight/wavy light brown hair, blah).

    I have a few hair disasters to recount:

    -In high school I was going to the prom and wanted to get my hair done, so i went to the local beauty college. I asked for an updo, picturing something elegant and princessy. The woman working on my hair gave me a real Southern Girl Special--she built it SO high that I was taller than my 6-foot boyfriend, that it brushed the ceiling of my car when I was driving home, and it contained two packs of bobby pins and a TON of hairspray. It was hell taking it all out later that night!!

    -A few years ago I had hair almost to my waist. I went camping with my boyfriend and didn't brush it for a few days so it was a bit tangled (I have super, super thick hair). We got back to Portland and I started feeling sick. The next day I was in agony. I ended up having to have an emergency appendectomy and my hair was trashed, there were fist-sized knots in it! When I got home from the hospital I had to cut it all off, and I couldn't even donate it to Locks of Love (which is what I always imagined doing with two feet of hair when I was ready). It was so sad feeling unbelievably crappy and having my hair 80% gone too...

    -Then, last summer when we first moved into this apartment, we didn't have any window screens and we kept getting flies in the living room, which was super annoying. So Andrew hung a roll of flypaper in the middle of the room, it never attracted any flies and I hated it, so I asked him to take it down (he is much taller than I am) and he said he would. Well, i had my long hair up in a ponytail and he asked me something a minute later, and I turned my head fast and felt something grab the ponytail... and it was the FLYPAPER!! I started screaming, it was so so horrible. he had to pull it of my hair and it hurt! I was so traumatized, I was hysterical. I just grabbed the scissors and chopped it all off--leaving me with boy-length hair all of the sudden. My cut-off hair was just tangled with fly glue and once again worthless for Locks of Love. The thing about that emergency haircut was that everyone loved it! I thought I looked like a boy but when I went to a party that night convinced I looked horrible with swollen eyes fro mcrying and no hair, I actually got a lot of compliments.

    Now my hair is long again, but I have no appendix left and have banned all flypaper from my house so hopefully I will not ever have to go through this hair trauma again! And this time when I cut it off I will donate it!

  6. #5
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    Several years ago, I was flipping through one of those natural beauty books and had the bright idea to treat myself to a banana hair mask. I happily mixed up the concoction and worked it all through my hair, just like the directions said. I felt so precious and pampered - patted myself on the back for doing something nice for myself that was also all-natural, cruelty-free, and environmentally friendly to boot.

    I stepped into the shower and began to wash my hair as usual. After the first vigorous lather & rinse, the banana mask was still there. No problem; I figured it would take a little extra work to get mashed bananas and honey out of my hair. After the fourth rinsing, I hit the danger level on the Panic Meter. This s*** was not coming out!! Did I mention that it was about 9 o'clock on a weeknight? I finally gave up after 6 tries. I'd managed to remove a good portion of the stuff, but I still had to go to work the next day with big flakes of dried banana goo in my hair. I was still picking flakes out of my hair almost a week later.

    This fiasco came shortly after my adventures in making lotion (it made my hands stick together). I buy all of my beauty products now.

  7. #6
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    ok (hand covered over mouth). i seriously think is my favorite thread of all time - i am laughing so hard at all these hair stories!!!

  8. #7
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    There was the time (in my punk rock days) when I ran out of bleach with only half of my head covered. So I ran out to the beauty supply store with bleach still on my head to grab another kit.

  9. #8
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    Mishapville: I lived in mullet-central
    CraftyChica: It was old and creepy in a hillbilly cannibal sort of way

    These are two of the best quotes ever.

  10. #9
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    ooh, I have dark brown hair, and all home-highlighting experiments have gone horribly-cheez whiz. And yet, it took about 4 or 5 times before I realized I would never get platinum blonde streaks from a box! Even if I used foil. Foil is not magical!

    Also, I learned the hard way that you really CANNOT dye over dyed black hair. You will get a lovely two-tone look if you have a lot of grown-out roots, however. Sigh.

  11. #10
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    I sooo learned my lesson after this one. My husband has forbidden me to ever dye my hair again. I got the insane idea to bleach my dark brown hair myself. I bought a kit, did the test strand, it was ther perfect color, no problem. The next day I bleached my hair. The top of my head was banana yellow and the bottom half was reddish brown. I called the 1-800 number on the box and talked to an "expert" that told me how to "fix" it. I still think she just wanted me to go out and buy 2 more bottles of hair dye. After "fixing" my hair the top was then neon orange and the bottom was more of a burnt orange. At this point I went to the salon where I had my hair dyed a strawberry blonde with blonde highlights, mainly because of my color comibnation it was just about the only choice. I ended up spending $150 to fix my hair, plus the bleach kit and 2 bottles of hair dye. The woman that fixed my hair was like "I could have bleached your hair for $75" I will never ever try to bleach my hair again.


 

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