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  1. #1
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    Am I just being a party pooper?

    My bf and his friend want to go fishing, they've invited me along. At first I was on board with the idea b/c I was thinking a day of fishing, fun. Then I realized that they want to go for a long weekend and I would have to bring the dog or find some where to take her. I really don't want to leave the dog, and I'm not too keen on spending days on the boat and also paying 34-55 dollars for a Mexican fishing license...I tried to explain to my b/f that suddenly this is a serious fishing trip (b/f's friend invited a real fisherman who wants to go into mexico to do tuna fishing) and it doesn't seem like I'll have fun and I really don't want to put out that much money and not have fun b/c I'm trying to deal with the dog etc...also we have the problem where the dog doesn't like to eliminate on the boat so there may be situations where we can't get her to shore like on another trip.

    Am I being a party pooper? I can't help feeling like a cheap jerk for not going, but quite frankly I just found out I have to pay 295 for cavities I didn't think I had and I don't want to deal with the dog situation and I have developed some mysterious rash from either allergies or exposure to something and I don't feel like spending days on a boat...I know I sound like a whiner, but I just want to see what other people thought, if I should just suck it up and go, or if I should spend a nice quiet weekend alone with the dog. I suppose I could pay to have her boarded, but she doesn't like kennels and it would be expensive, and while I could ask friends, I know that they work on the weekend and I don't want to put them out. Basically I take no issue with him going, I just don't know if I want to and while he says it's cool, when I try to explain why I don't think I'll have any fun, I don't think he understands, b/c in his mind, boating is FUN and to me it's just ok/I'm bored and want to sleep the whole time.

    So I guess I have two questions? Should I just suck it up and go?
    Or
    if not, how do I explain why it's just not going to be super fun happy time to me as well
    jt

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  3. #2
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    Don't go if you don't want to. Send him off with your blessings. Just because you're living together doesn't mean you have to be attached at the hip, whether he realizes it or not. Surely he's ok having a weekend with "the guys", right?

    Mr. tgrl and I came to an understanding like that a long time ago. He adores football; I don't. So that's something he does without me; there are no bad feelings about it at all. In fact, I encourage him to go with others, even some of my girlfriends. And god knows I try to discourage him from fabric shopping with me ;) Some things are best enjoyed alone or with others besides your mr.

  4. #3
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    I guess I just feel bad b/c last time I didn't want to go either. Well that's not true. That's when we had the dog drama when we got a second dog and we were going to take her to a shelter to surrender her that day and he told his friend we'd go sailing right afterwards and the shelter told me they wouldn't take her so I wanted to stay home and make sure the dogs were ok and he went sailing. I asked him if he was mad but he said no but he likes to sulk alot so I'm never sure. He is a very independant person, much more so than I am, i.e. he'll jump at a chance to do something, whereas I weigh all of the situation, including how I'll feel about driving somewhere unknown alone (I hate getting lost and I'm prone to it). I almost feel like he's trying to include me b/c a) I won't have anything to do and b) it's one of those, how come you don't like to do the things you used to like to do anymore?

    as for a) i can always make myself something to do and b) it's not that I dislike fishing or sailing, I just don't know if I'm up for a 2 to 3 day trip with three guys and a dog...i guess I'm just getting grumpy in my old age...sigh

    thanks for listening
    jt

  5. #4
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    sun bear I feel where you're coming from. My gf has to go to north hollywood for work next week, and she really wanted me to fly down for the weekend and hang out with her. At first I was really into it, and then I thought $200 to board the dogs, $300 for hotels, $250 to have someone stay with my dad, loose $ by leaving work early. Hassle to try to find clothes for calif. Hassle of explaining to my dad that I am going away... Well it just seemed too expensive and too much of a pain. Different circumstances and I would have gone. I felt like a real poop for ruining her idea, but you know, it just didn't seem like a good thing to me.
    NOw I'm looking forward to some alone time during the week while she's gone though. I figure this is a good time to do a crazy diet or knit all evening etc. Stuff she hates ;)

    What I'm trying to say is that it's ok to be honest with your guy and tell him you didn't know it was going to be a big thing, and that you'd rather skip out this time. Tell him that next time when it isn't a 2 day ordeal, you'd be happy to go. He should understand that. Plus remind him he'll have a better time not worrying if you are unhappy. Then you can relax and enjoy your "time off" while he fishes.

    -Leah

  6. #5
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    jt,
    I hope I'm not beating a dead horse, but do you notice the common thread between your situation and schnitzle's? One word: responsibility. Once you have a house, condo, dog, ailing parent and/or etc, it's hard to take off on a moment's notice (or even a few week's notice, really.)

  7. #6
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    my mom warned me that getting a dog was a responsibility :-P

    It's clear though, being responsible means having to do less fly by the seat of your pants maneuvers, as well as decling some of the fun, but it also has benefits, i.e. I enjoy being a homeowner and I wouldn't trade my dog for anything in the world.

    Thanks for making me feel like less of a party pooper and more like the responsible person that I am :)

    jt

  8. #7
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    You're definitely not a party pooper! Actually, my bf and I have this argument a lot too -- he wants to do stuff (like weekend getaways, whatever) and I worry about what we're going to do with the cat. Our landlord's daughter is a great petsitter, and our cat is pretty easy to take along on trips, but it's all so much hassle. And I really don't like leaving him alone, even with the landlord's daughter taking care of him, for more than a few days. I don't know, I relate to the fact that you feel like a party pooper, because I feel like one too -- but there are times when I just can't justify leaving the cat home alone and/or making him miserable by subjecting him to a long car ride and then leaving him cooped up in a hotel room. So a lot of times, I go ahead and poop on the party and refuse to feel guilty about it, because I have just as much of an obligation to my baby as I do to my boy.

    And by the way, when I read your post, I thought, "Oooh, fishing trip to Mexico! How can she pass this up?" until I got to the part about your bf inviting a professional fisherman. Wow -- no way to ruin a delightful fishing trip like having someone along who is going to make you feel pressured to catch stuff and/or make you feel insecure about how you cast off and/or constantly be comparing who caught the most/biggest fish and/or otherwise turn a relaxing excursion into a stress-inducer. So you definitely are within your rights to stay home!

  9. #8
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    well i don't think this guy is a professional but he *knows* fishing i.e. is expecting to go out there and "catch our limit" which I have no idea of how much fish that is, i.e. this seems like a trip to get fish, not a fun little trip with fishing on the side. Plus neither the b/f nor I have a pole here in CA so we'd have to borrow one of b/f's friend's poles, however he only has two, so that'd mean one of us would have to pay basically to sit around and watch other people fish. Who knows, I may end up going b/c my b/f is still talking about it like I'm attending, despite the fact that i've pointed out that the dog is going to have to use the bathroom at some point and she's shy about trying to go on the boat. Well i guess we'll see what happens, the bummer part is i can't even just go to walmart and get a fishing pole b/c this is deep sea fishing, no little pond pole will do here...

    jt

  10. #9
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    I definitely don't consider you a party pooper. I think your concerns sound perfectly legit. In fact, reading your post and everyone's responses pretty much helped me solve my own similar issue. The hubster is heading to CT next weekend to get a tattoo, only it's not just any old tattoo. It's a half sleeve by this particular artist with whom he's been working with for months on the design and he's been saving like crazy for it. At first I thought, "Ooh, a long weekend in New England!" only to later realize 1)It's Memorial Day weekend, which means suckass traffic and CT is ten hours away, 2)What do we do with the dogs?, etc. Deep down I know I'd be happier staying at home. And I'm pretty sure that I now will. I think it'll be the perfect opportunity to finish up my craft room and some other projects...

  11. #10
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    i wouldn't feel bad about it. i mean, how much fun would you be if you
    *really* didn't feel like being there? my husband plays in a band and i feel guilty that i don't go all the time to see him, but it's hard lasting thru 4 sets on a friday night right after a long week of work!! So i go when I'm really up for it, I have a lot more fun that way and he doesn't worry about if i'mhaving a good time or not...


 
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