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Thread: Boy problem

  1. #1
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    Boy problem

    Ok. So. There's this boy (23 years of age) that I was dating for a few months. He was really, really, really sweet and awesome. I loved him, and he loved me, but I told him from the start that I didn't want to settle right away because I was a. still recovering from my last relationship and b. I didn't know how well I'd do with commitment. (I was with a boy for a year and a half and I had cheated on him and didn't tell him for a long time. We had been seeing each other for 3 days before we started exclusively seeing each other. Worst. Idea. Ever.) And he said he was alright with that. He was alright with the fact that I was seeing other people, as well. I told him it was ok if he saw other people it didn't bother me. (I mean, it would've, just a little bit, but I think that's natural. I wouldn't have gotten insanely jealous and started calling him to check up every 5 minutes or anything like that.) And then... Things kind of intensified, quickly. I thought I was IN love with him, he was definately IN love with me, and then I got really, really scared and I backed off really quickly. I took a step back and realized that I wasn't in love with him, but I did love him a lot. We got to talking and it came up and he basically told me that he knew I'd been lying to him from the get-go, and he felt like I'd told him I loved him so I could sleep with him. (!) He came over, he gave me my stuff, told me that I'd been lying to him about the person I was, told me this was the "last goodbye" he was going to say, and left after I'd asked him to talk to me.
    So now I'm sitting here, reading all of this semi-hateful shit he's written and put up on his MySpace blog, my heart is kind of hurting a little bit. Like... I read something and it made my stomach turn.
    Stuff just doesn't make sense. I can't make him change his mind about anything, and that's driving me crazy.
    This is really not cohesive, and I think I'll probably revise it later, but I have NO idea what to do. I don't have an appointment with my therapist until a week from today. I'm trying not to let him get to me, and I realize a lot of things he's saying because he's hurt and he wants to make me feel as bad as he does, but... Blehk.

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  3. #2
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    OH good heavens, I am so sorry. The best thing to do is to STOP reading his blog. Take it off your bookmarks, pretend you didn't know it existed. I know that is hard, but honestly if it is over between you there is no need to listen to his hateful rantings or to try and change his mind.

    Of course it hurts to have someone you have cared about think badly of you, but it sounds (from your posting) like you were the one who did the dumping, and he is lashing out based on his own bruised heart and ego. That is very normal, and has nothing to do with you, other than the fact that you told him the truth, that you had changed your mind about being in a romantic relationship with him (at least that is what it sounds like, given that you are not "in love" with him and told him so).

    It sounds like your initial instinct to take it slow was right, and things got out of hand. Be confident that you made the right decision to end it, and unless you can't avoid him (i.e. you work together, have friends in common/classes in common) just give it some space, don't read his blog, and try to move on.

    If he loved you and respected you, even as a friend, he wouldn't write hateful things about you for everyone to read. Sounds like he might be a bit immature and bitter, and you deserve better. Don't let his warped perpective make you feel bad about yourself.

  4. #3
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    We go to the same school and work in the same plaza, but he's pretty easy to avoid. I guess I'm alright there, but ich. He knows some "personal details" about me, and I'm guessing he told his friends based on some things I heard them say to him. So now, I'm waiting for people to go "Wow, there's that dirty whore." when I walk by. (I've definately heard them talking about OTHER people's business, which adds to the general uncomfortability factor.)
    "If he loved you and respected you, even as a friend, he wouldn't write hateful things about you for everyone to read."
    That has "BINGO" written allll over it, though. Thank youuuuu!

  5. #4
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    Hang in there, we've all been in your shoes. I know it sucks, but you need to focus on what's good in you life. Realize that you are better off with out someone so childish and hurtful. Just hold your head up high, don't sink to his level, and remember to smile- it will get easier.

  6. #5
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    Hang in there! And I know it is hard, but it really doesn't matter what his friends think or say about you. If they are just gossipy boys, a: people are used to them saying ridiculous things about people and are apt to ignore it and b: they'll be onto talking about someone else before you know it. Like sweetttart says, hold your head high and concentrate on the positive-- about life, and about yourself.

  7. #6
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    'boys' can be so mean. but there is something very, very true about what belleepoque says: when boys talk, sensible people know to take the boys' words with lots of grains of salt...i always took gossip like that not at face value...or even close. so don't worry too too much about what others are thinking.

    i'm sorry, though, that you have to go through this. definitely stay!away! from that blog and go about living your own life. the future has so much in store for you that you can't even imagine. don't miss any of the upcoming excitement and happiness (which could be closer than you think) because you're too distracted by someone who's, frankly, acting like a big baby.

    hang in there.

  8. #7
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    Ugh. Things got kind of weird... Again. Because I was ready to cut him off, 100%, and then he called and said we needed to talk. I told him I didn't really have anything to say to him, because he was such a douche.
    He then proceeded to apologize for being a jerk, saying he had taken everything that I said out of context. (He thought I was telling him "I love you but we can't be together at all---not as friends, not as anything.) And he felt like a jerk for saying the things he did, yadda yadda. I brought up the "blabbermouth" thing to him. He said that, had I listened to the rest of the conversation, I would've heard the raunchy part leading up to the statement that lead me to believe he had "spilled the beans".
    Arf. I'm lost until Thursday, which is when I'm talking to my therapist-lady. Thank you ladies, SOFRIGGINMUCH. Sometimes it helps to talk to total strangers to get a "perspective" on things.

  9. #8
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    Hey, Oh I hope things are going better!!
    The only thing which concerns me about your post is that you say something to the effect of "the only thing that bothers me is that I can't change his mind..."
    What he thinks doesn't matter, what matters is that you know the truth about yourself. I know that sounds corny, but it is true... apparently. I'm having a hard time believing it too!
    Good luck!


 

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