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  1. #1
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    have you ever loved too much?

    sorry about this serious question, but i am really wondering if it happened to you, and how you reacted to it.

    i constitutionally am an "excessive lover", just like my mom is. despite years of therapy, i still aaaaam!!! it's unhealthy, it intimidates other people, it makes you unsexy. it's a disease!

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
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    I do! I do!

    I get consumed. And i am terrified... TERRIFIED of loving someone more than they love me. I try not to think of it, but it's nagging.

    It's horrible. I can't decide if it's dysfunctional or honest.

    -Jera

  4. #3
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    I've been there. You're right, it's totally unhealthy- but I have been totally obsessed with a lover before. It was creepy excessive love.

  5. #4
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    i think it's honest if you love others more than they love you. but it is disfunctional if you love others more than you love yourself.

    (does it make any sense?)

  6. #5
    Senior Member
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    I completely agree. I was so in love with my high school sweetheart that when I moved away to college, I wrote him letters (plural) every day. I would go ahead and buy the 100 roll of stamps because I knew I was going to use them anyway. I sat in my dorm room night after night waiting for his calls. My grades went down and I decided to quit because we were supposed to get married. That fell through and I ended up losing my scholarship and going to community college while working my butt off and it took me three years just for my AA.

  7. #6
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    "I've been there. You're right, it's totally unhealthy- but I have been totally obsessed with a lover before. It was creepy excessive love."

    How did you stop? any good trick? or sanity just suddendly hits you again?

  8. #7
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    ...

  9. #8
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    Apr 2005
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    How did you stop? any good trick? or sanity just suddendly hits you again?
    I used to be really obsessive and possessive. That's the way my mother is, and so I truly thought that was just how it worked. You love me = you're all about me and screw what you want. My first two relationships taught me that that approach wasn't going to work for me. You know the psycho exes that men refer to, the ones that just leave a trail of destruction before finally moving on to suck the life out of someone else? I was that girl.

    In my teens, my mother sent me to therapy for being "incorrigible". Which meant that I was just being a normal person with her own opinions who wanted to leave the house every once in awhile without a massive guilt trip and unfavorable comparisons to my absent father for needing to be with someone other than her. Therapy had the opposite of her desired effect, and she didn't want to hear that SHE needed to kick it down several notches, so that was the end of the therapy. But I picked up a thing or two. Some of it took awhile to sink in, but it did sink in.

    In my next relationship, I took it a little too far in the other direction and came off as standoffish and uncaring, which made it impossible for him to feel that we had any real intimacy or that I really loved him (I did). I was just trying so hard to break myself of being a succubus. My refusal to be any kind of jealous or possessive really hurt him, and I found out years later that he thought I was screwing a good male friend the whole time (I wasn't).

    I had a few meaningless relationships after that, and during this time, I fine-tuned my back-off-o-meter to a happy medium. By the time I met the old man, I had it down.

    I'm sure my personality still has several other flaws, but I'm happy to have been able to make the connection while I was relatively young and want to get that one under control. Everything about my background indicates that I should have turned out like my mother when it came to relationships. It's kind of a miracle I didn't.

  10. #9
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    Jun 2004
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    Madison, WI
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    Lay off the text messaging!!

    Hugs,

    Jera

  11. #10
    Senior Member
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    Feb 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
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    822
    Oh yes...I am 100% guilty of being that way in a relationship! And I hate myself for it.


 
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