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  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    yay area

    so the one night when i was, oh, about nineteen, i had been drinking. not driving drunk or anything, but decided to play it safe and stay off the main streets. so i was driving thru this residential area and i accidentally hit a cat. i felt so awful! so i got out of the car to see if it was okay but it was dead. it had a tag and the owner lived just a couple houses away. so i went up to the house and told the old lady that lived there what had happened. understandably, she was devastated. i offered to get her a new kitten and she refused. i then offered to give her some money. she then got totally irate and said she was going to call the police. i freaked out and said, "WHY?!?!? i'm trying to make things right. i didn't hit your cat on purpose!" she replied, "You can't sell pussy in California."

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  3. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005

    Re: Got Any Good Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Selah

    oh I just remembered one from my teaching days -

    Why is 10 afraid of 7?

    Because 7,8,9

    (7 ate 9)
    =D hehe. You know what...I think of that almost every time I think of those numbers. I like gave numbers little personalities after I heard that joke when I was little. 7 is mean (obviously) 4 is a little weakling. 5 is married to 4. 6 was always really nice. 8 is a ghost (got eaten)...etc. I have no idea why I came up with this, but I was like 6 years old (is that why 6 is so nice?) and it's stuck for 20 years!

  4. #13
    Del is offline
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    My favorite (and only) joke is this,

    Why do mermaids wear seashells?

    Because B shells are to small and D shells are to big.

    Get it?
    Get it?

  5. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Marriage - The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
    giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
    the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early
    morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
    silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the
    man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his
    flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
    him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is
    5:00 AM. Wake up."

  6. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    new york city
    Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?

    A: Bingo.

  7. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    From my brother:

    A duck goes into the grocery store and fills up a shopping cart. He begins to leave without paying and the cashier yells,"HEY you have to pay for that!" The duck says, "Put it on my bill".

  8. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    --What did 0 say to 8?
    --Nice belt!

    --Why do rappers carry umbrellas?
    --Fo' drizzle!

    --Why can't you take a shower with a Pokémon?
    --Because he might Pikachu!

  9. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Hell's Kitchen
    My favorite jokes come from the cornfield on the show Hee Haw (anyone? anyone?). Here's a golden example.

    (Grandpa Jones and Buck Owens pop up from behind row of corn)
    Grandpa: Hey Buck.
    Buck: Hey Grandpa.
    G: Did you hear that Jane Simmons had triplets and then not two weeks later, she had twins?
    B: That's impossible! How did it happen?
    G: One of the triplets got lost.
    G and B: (look at each other and through hands in the air) WOOOO!

    Here's another, with a fantasy inserted:
    [Minnie Pearl and I pop up in the cornfield]
    Minnie: Hey Leigh!
    Leigh: Hey Minnie!
    M: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
    L: I don't know. What?
    M: Quatro sinko.
    Both: WOOO!

  10. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Rochester, NY
    revafisheye~ where, oh where are yew tonight? why did you leave me here all alone? Ah searched the world over and thought I found true love, you met another and Pfft! You was gone! : D
    Just had to throw that in there!

  11. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Northern California
    the pirate/steering wheel joke is one of my favorites.

    msfish, the bingo joke is going to be added to my roster.

    other than that, i only know dirty jokes.

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