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  1. #1
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    help me bite my tounge!

    sometimes I talk way too much, pointless rambles, TMI stories, intimate secrets, gossip, unsolicitated advice and opinions. diarrhea of the mouth for sure. Even my posts are pages long!

    I dont think I can do anything to stop the confused rambles and pointless stories but I want to stop spilling the beans and gossiping. I try to avoid those situations and I changed the subject with my coworker when topics of gossip come up. I think it totally tacky and I hate that I gossip.

    So I made a decision to ..erm... keep my trap shut. I just have no idea how to accomplish such a daunting goal. any ideas?

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  3. #2
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    i went thru that a long time ago, finally i started thinking - "what value does this make?" before i contribute anything. that filtered out a LOT of stuff!!!

  4. #3
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    You can mentally rehearse some stories some of the time. That way you can edit them for length and clarity.

    Here's a writing exercise that may help: Take a short story. Condense it into short short length, under 750 words. 500 or less is even better, but it's challenging. The idea is not to create a masterpiece but to understand where there is unnecessary verbiage.

    Make a tape of yourself talking, possibly on the phone, just your side. What do you hear that annoys you? Too many non sequiturs? Hemming and hawing? TMI?

    Length is not bad. Substance is what counts. (hmmm, I gotta remember that!)

  5. #4
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    i have been agonizing over this, too. half the time, i wish i could retract what i've said.
    i've come up with a couple of things that i hope help. one is to take a deep breath before speaking, during which i check myself and ask if what i'm about to say is true? kind? or necessary? that cuts out about half.
    i'm also trying to relax more in general and become more of an observer rather that the center of attention.

    and i'm keeping tabs on myself as a listener, making sure i'm not busy formulating a response while someone else is still speaking.

    posting on forums like this helps, too, as i can reread my posts and "hear" myself- and then i can edit if needed.

    if only i could edit my IRL speech that easily!

  6. #5
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    I am a bit of an open book too. Yappity yappity yappity. Sometimes I think my husband is listening, and then I realise he's more just staring in disbelief that someone could ramble like I do.

    It is much eaier for me to edit/condense my writing, which is why I prefer written commuication so much more. It's like a game to me - how concise can I get an email and still convey my point?

    But verbal communication - forget it. Get comfortable, sit back and enjoy the ride, I tell my guests. It's the Jen show.

  7. #6
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    WRT gossip: I found that once I stopped spending time with folks who gossip/drivel themselves, I was pretty much cured of it. Those kinds of folks are pretty easy to pick out of a scene (any scene), and I do my best to keep my encounters with them brief or superficial. It's amazing how much the company you keep can impact your own behavior. :)

    I suppose the most effective (and probably hardest) thing to do is check yourself--constantly. That whole think-before-you-speak bit. Make a habit of it.

  8. #7
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    i hear you on the talking too much thing. *and* i'm loud.

    i find that the less i'm writing creatively, the more i talk pointlessly. although it's an incentive to write more, i'm sometimes crap at it.

    as for being loud, i keep trying to remind myself that am loud, whenever i do this i think of that muppet guy who was really loud and flung his hands around alot. i really really really don't want to be that muppet guy. eek!

    x

  9. #8
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    do you mean guy smiley the game show host? :)

    I was watching "Down with Love" and there's a clever line where Catcher Block (ewan mcgregor) tells Barbara Novak (Rene Zellweger) that he's a top secret rocket scientist and says "Can you keep a secret...?" as if he's going to tell her what he does, and she whispers "Yes." and he whispers "So can I".

    So just think about that when you're ready to dish that dirt :)

    jt

  10. #9
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    Embaressing but I'll admit it.

    When someone tells me a story it reminds me of something that happend with me.

    Sometimes after I've asked questions or I feel like the other person is done with their story I recount mine.

    Then I feel stupid,like it might sound un-true or like I am one-up-ing...even though it really is true.

    Then I wish I could take it back...

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by quixotic
    as for being loud, i keep trying to remind myself that am loud, whenever i do this i think of that muppet guy who was really loud and flung his hands around alot. i really really really don't want to be that muppet guy. eek!

    x
    that actually makes me feel better because I LOVE Guy Smiley, I have a stuffed guy smiley pinned on my bookbag.

    Its a fine line between saying interesting and appropriate things without being completely silent. and being outgoing and friendly without being annoying. Im actually pretty shy and Im quiet around people I dont know which people assumes means Im snotty or bitchy, so its a lose lose situation.

    I also realize that Im one of those people that tell the same story over and over and over ( Im turning into my mother!!)

    I guess it could be worse.


 
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