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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Aug 2004
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    Ohio
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    Help me! My boyfriend is gross!

    I love my boyfriend very deeply, except for one thing: he has the worst hygiene I've ever seen! I have had to talk him into cleaning his ears (which produce wax at unheard of speeds), wearing deoderant, and not wearing clothes that were bought for him in 1992 (not a hygeine thing, but come on--Nike shirts are bad enough, but 13 year old Nike shirts?). I have been trying to suggest to him that he, I don't know, wash his face, and I thought that he was, but as I spend more time with him I realize this is not the case. He doesn't wash his face, not even with plain old soap, and he's upstairs taking his first shower in 3 days. I want him to take pride in his appearance and feel good about himself. He complains about his skin, that girls don't find him attractive, but he doesn't do a damn thing about it! This isn't purely selfless, obviously I want my hot boyfriend to be as hot as he possibly can, but I don't think that's so horrible. I tried to confront him today, but when he came home from school he started hugging me and telling me he loves me... I can't break that up to say, "You have more than 100 blackheads on your nose. Some of them are trying desperately to get out of your pores. Set them free!" Argh, I'm ranting. I just want to know how I can get him to be less GROSS! I've made him use a pore strip before and when he asked if I would change anything about his appearance I said he should squeeze the gunk out, but he just doesn't get the message!

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2004
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    Canada
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    I had a BF once who was "against" deodorant for naturalistic reasons. I insisted he shower before he would come to my apartment, and before I would let him sleep in my bed.

    Eventually I dumped him and yah, his questionable hygeine was the biggest reason.

    If you don't want to do anything that drastic, I suggest withholding sex/cuddling/physical contact unless he showers/washes daily, and smells good.

    As to blackheads - well - some of us try like hell to get rid of them but are still afflicted. So I have some sympathy for him there.

  4. #3
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    Wisconsin
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    My husband has what seems to be a genetic ear wax problem (all of his male relatives pretty much need surgery to remove their ear wax) and is allergic to deoderant, poor guy :(

  5. #4
    Senior Member
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    As to blackheads - well - some of us try like hell to get rid of them but are still afflicted. So I have some sympathy for him there.
    Oh, I know... I have enormous pores and almost all of them are filled with some kind of dirt. But at least I put forth an effort to get rid of them. He doesn't wash his face! At all! ARGH![/url]

  6. #5
    Senior Member
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    Feb 2005
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    101
    Can I join in?

    Let me count the ways...

    no. I'd feel too bad. But, I'm sorry! I hope you can help him. And then come work on my dude. SOCKS THAT DON'T COVER YOUR TOES AND/OR HEEL SHOULDN'T COUNT AS SOCKS! And wearing the same jeans everyday for two weeks! And showering only 3-4 times in that two weeks! Oh, shoot. I've started the list.

  7. #6
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2004
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    456
    Maybe he just doesn't know what to do. Have a "beauty" day together. Get some products together made for his and your skin type and some fun snacks, a couple videos or games and follow it up with a night out. Do stuff like foot masages, try out new soap or bubble baths. Treat him like a female friend. If he doesn't like it, at least he tried, right? And who knows - he might like that cucumber face mask enough to do it once a week.

  8. #7
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    Why are you with him if you can't stand the way he dresses, looks, or takes care of himself?

    Unless he's asked you specifically for help with facial cleansing or clothing styles, chances are he'll just ignore what you are saying until he sees it as something that should be changed.

    That being said, if you live with him, you can always join him in the shower and wash his face with some tube of cleanser that looks masculine (nivea makes some that look manly but are still cheap). My guy won't actively buy face care products, but if i leave them in the shower, he'll use them.

  9. #8
    Senior Member
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    Ohio
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    Why are you with him if you can't stand the way he dresses, looks, or takes care of himself?
    I probably sounded like this stuff bothers me more than it actually does. I really don't have anyone to tell any of this stuff to, so that little rant had a lot of build up behind it. I just think if there's something neither of us like that can be easily ameliorated, why not try and fix it? He dresses fine most of the time, and looks great, and he was always real spiffy when we first started dating. I think it went downhill when I told him I like a little stubble... And there are way more things about him that I like than I dislike, and I find them more important than grooming, even though a little grooming is nice.

    I told him last night that I wish he were a little cleaner, and he told me that sometimes he forgets to do these things--very believable if you know my boyfriend--and told me to remind him to do that kind of stuff. Then he apologized, I apologized and cried a little because that's what I do, we hugged, and then we watched Law and Order, just like always. All in all, I think it was a great success.

  10. #9
    Senior Member
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    May 2004
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    Just as a note, it's actually not unhealthy if you don't shower every single solitary day. A couple times a week is JUST FINE. Our country is HIGHLY germaphobic, and hygeine/cleanliness obsessed. As long as he wears clean underwear, and doesn't sweat profusely, it's fine.

    It's his body, his life. You can't really tell him what to do.
    Also, not to be rude, but everyone has blackheads. Washing your face more does not get rid of them. You can always buy some biore strips for him to use. Buy him his own box of biore strips as a present or something. I dunno.

    If you want him to wear nicer shirts, then buy him some. He probably has no clue where to start with clothes/hates shopping. If you just buy him some shirts, and tell him they look nice, then I'm guessing he'll wear them.

    He might also have no clue where to even begin to make himself look nicer.
    I wouldn't hound him into showering every day, or anything. If someone did that to me, it would make me do the exact opposite. And I'll probably get pissed off and leave them, for being too controlling.

    I think that maybe you could take him to the barber shop to get a haircut, and stuff like that, and it'll help too.

  11. #10
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    347
    That's good that you were able to talk to him about it. Hopefully things will get sorted out.

    The good thing about him being lazy about the clothing and hygeine is that you can buy him stuff and he'll likely use it because he's too lazy to buy his own things.

    I use that quite a bit, especially with cooking. Mr. dislikes certain foods, but if I cook with them, he'll still eat them because he;s too lazy to make his own meal.

    :-D


 
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