Want to know how other women feel about...

[boheme-anne]

Porn.
I don't think I'm a prude, but I find it offensive if your significant other delibertely hides it from you and pretends like they never watch it. Would you want to be truthful and accept the fact that they do watch it, or would you be really pissed and forbid it..which ultimetely, doesn't matter if they hide it from you.
My mother once said, "all men do it, all men look at other women, it's just the way things are." Well, I feel that if you have somebody then what the hell would you need porn for? To spice up the sex life? Obviously not if they are watching it by themselves.
Do you or would you consider this being unfateful?
Do you or would you alow it and under what circumstances?
Would you have a serious problem with it?
I'm sure all the gals will have lots to say to this, I'm looking forward to it.

[Craft Forums]

[kateastrophe]

My fiance watches it and I used to get kindof annoyed but then I realized that if I had a higher libido, I'd read erotica so it's understandable. We have some difficulties with our sex life (mainly that lack of sex drive thing) so it's become more.. normal for him to watch it. And technically, it's more like "look at" because he only looks online.
Ugh. Weird subject for me to be talking about haha

[boheme-anne]

Oh I know the weirdness of this topic, but I think there have been one's simular in weirdness..if that makes sense.
Anyway, I just feel like if it makes someone upset, then why would they continue to do it. Are men's libido's that strong that they go over any sense of guilt for hurting someone they love? If it is, then shit, I wish I HAD a men's libido.

[Marina-Trilobyte]

My mother once said, "all men do it, all men look at other women, it's just the way things are." Well, I feel that if you have somebody then what the hell would you need porn for? To spice up the sex life? Obviously not if they are watching it by themselves.
Do you or would you consider this being unfateful?
Do you or would you alow it and under what circumstances?
Would you have a serious problem with it?
I'm sure all the gals will have lots to say to this, I'm looking forward to it.

Most men want to occasionally look at porn. It often has little or nothing to do with women or men in their lives. It's no more "unfaithful" than reading a romance novel is.

Unless it's rude or intrusive or the guy is using it as an excuse to avoid dealing with the real person next to him, don't sweat it or try to control it.

(Actually, I have problems with the ideal of "allowing" something their porn. Because I don't want someone "allowing" me to order sex toys or read racy books.)

Someone who used to work in a video store that rented adult videos wrote extensively about being a "porn clerk". She has a lot of interesting insights into porn viewing that I highly recommend,

http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/tpcs1.php

Edited to add, I have some unusual perspectives because a number of my friends (and my partner) are trans. Nothing like talking to someone who has seen things from "both sides" to get the full picture.

I have been told (and I have no reason to doubt the accuracy of this) that male sex drive is not something a female-born with female normative hormone levels can really quite "get". There's an underlying urgency that a cis-gendered woman can't understand.

My partner compared it to needing to pee, there's no conscious effort in needing to pee, it just happens and you need to relieve yourself. Granted, my partner didn't *like* being male and is unlikely to describe male experience in any flattering way, but her observations fit in with what I've heard from other people and my own observations.

To see this from the other side, I'd also recommend Raven Kaldera's "Feminist on Testosterone". He's an FtM intersexed man and goes into some detail about what it's like to go on T and how different it is from the typical female experience.

http://www.cauldronfarm.com/writing/feminist.html

[KorinD]

This is a very heated discussion in my house. Whenever I go out of town for work I somehow find out that he has looked at some version of porn. The thing that bothers me is that I have a much higher sex drive than he does. If it was up to me I would choose to have sex at least 2x as much as we do now. What I don't understand is why he all of a sudden he has these urges when I am out of town and not when I am home. It makes me feel uncomfortable to think that he is looking at other women when I am out of town. I think I might feel more comfortable if he did it when I was around. I have no objections to watching it, I just don't do it on my own.

[stella]

uh, how about "i watch it myself AND I LIKE IT"? i'm a little offended that you assume that i watch porn because i'm lonely.

my ex watched porn with and without me when we were together, and i didn't care.

hello, some women, yes, even some *feminists*, watch porn because they fucking enjoy it. people like ME.

[delqc]

You also need a "Neither my partner or I watch porn, but neither of us would be offended if the other chose to watch porn".

Cause that's us.

[april again]

I would have noted, I don't watch porn and I don't have much to say about the subject. * edited to add my husband doesn't either, to my knowledge*

My friend talks about this porn made by/for women and I admit I find that interesting, but I have yet to see any.

I find porn silly at best, and offensive and demeaning to women at worst. But it just isn't something that affects my life.

[alteredtome]

uh, how about "i watch it myself AND I LIKE IT"? i'm a little offended that you assume that i watch porn because i'm lonely. my ex watched porn with and without me when we were together, and i didn't care. hello, some women, yes, even some *feminists*, watch porn because they fucking enjoy it. people like ME.

Amen, sister! I have no sex drive to speak of on my own (stupid hormones), but sometimes a little visual stimulation and I'm all purring again. :) I don't see a darn thing wrong with porn, it's just a visual version of erotica stories to me. I have a serious problem with the abusive crap, and I don't really understand some fetishes, but sex and getting turned on are a part of life, a part I miss out on a lot because I'm just not chemically driven right now. If I need some healthy help, porn is right there for me. What's the difference if I read the Olympia Reader or order up the Spice Channel? It's all the same to me.

And I agree with you, Marina. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of "letting" a partner do something, or being "allowed" to do something by a partner. To me, that's not reaching out to try to understand what's going on with your partner, or trying to understand your partner more, that's trying to control your partner to suite your insecurities.

Edited because I was really tired when I typed the rest of this, and it was just too, too much. :)

[elixirbeth]

my main squeeze watches it, but we dont watch it together. he doesnt try to hide it so much... but he definitely doesnt INVITE me to join it. i honestly couldnt care less.

ps. sometimes im sneaky sneaky and watch the porn... but i prefer a good Anais Nin to get my motor going.