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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    sf bay area/berlin

    Relationship anxiety -- Long distance?

    I need some advice, and would love to hear anyone's thoughts or input. I have been wracking my brain (sometimes unknowingly, and entirely too often) about my relationship situation.

    I am in love, and have been my darlin' for 2+ years (since I was 17, he is a few months younger). The only time we've had serious troubles is when I have been depressed and in denial about it -- recently we split up for a couple weeks so I could figure things out on my part. I turned myself around and got a new job, started taking classes in a subject I am passionate about, and finally found a psychologist that 'fits'. All of these changes I made for myself, hoping that I could find happiness again and in turn better our relationship and all my other relationships (friends, family) as well.

    Since we've been back together, things have been amazing. Sometimes all you need is a little time apart to make you realize what you have, and how lucky you are. I sound incredibly trite but am honestly so much happier these days, it's hard to express the difference between 'me' a month ago, and myself now.

    Alright. So that's the background. Here's the problem. We were both looking at schools, something we'd been putting off for a while while we both worked. He will be going to a music school that's 600 miles away, and while I don't know that a long distance relationship is what I'd really want, it kills me to think of breaking up just because of that. We are in love. We both want to stay in each others lives no matter what. But I know he doesn't want to do long distance and that bothers me more than I think it should -- to the point where I ruminate on it when I don't need to -- it's too much. I hate to think that it's that easy for him to decide he doesnt want to continue this -- I told him that hurt and he (the one that thinks with his head, unlike me with my heart) said it would be hard and sad but he'd live. He knows I want to go to school around here because I love the area, and I agree that it would be crazy to move down there too -- but i'd do it in a second if I found the right school.

    The point is, I am making myself miserable by putting this 'expiration date' on our relationship. He wants me to be excited for him having the opportunity, and while I am, I just can't stop thinking about how he won't be mine any more. I am so selfish! How can I just be happy now, with what I have, and positive for the future? It's so difficult. I don't want to feel this dependent on him/our relationship -- but I honestly love him and worry that he'll be out of my life once he moves there.

    I hope this makes sense. It's hard to articulate all of this.

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  3. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    San Antonio, TX
    I am maybe not the most common example, but I actually moved from home to go to school, leaving a boyfriend behind and was completely opposed to the long-distance thing (I think with my head), but realized I really really loved him. Long distance is hard, but after 2 years apart, we now live in the same apartment (which is awesome).

    But, most of my friends got rid of their high school boyfriend after a month or two.

    All I can say is, enjoy your last semester!!!!! If you are really in love with one another, things will work out. You aren't being selfish because you want him all for yourself, that's natural, but try to have fun. And remember, in a year, you will probably feel different about EVERYTHING, including him, even if you still love him, that love will change with your life experiences.

    Enjoy yourself and chill out!

  4. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    anitaivanova is right. And read this again:

    I told him that hurt and he (the one that thinks with his head, unlike me with my heart) said it would be hard and sad but he'd live.
    Sometimes you have to think with your head --- because you have no choice! Otherwise you'd just wallow in self-pity! I think you realise that, though.


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