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  1. #31
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    atlanta ga
    Posts
    433
    dear maisie & ghost:

    what is wrong? why do you poop outside of the litter box? i haven't changed anything. who is throwing up? it is hard being a kitty momma sometimes.

    love mommajana

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  3. #32
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    206
    Dear Receptionist and Vice Pres at my office:

    I know you guys are scrogging. I can read your nasty emails to each other.

  4. #33
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Cleveland, OH
    Posts
    379
    Dear Wisdom Teeth,
    Thanks a lot for showing up and coming in sideways. I appreciate it. I'm glad you're out of my head, because you were the shittiest roommates ever.

    Dear Percocet,
    Please, please, please stop wearing off after 4 hours. I have to wait a full 6 hours before I take more of you, and you make my teeth (or lack thereof) feel so much nicer.

    Dear Boyfriend,
    Please stop asking me for handjobs. I'm not getting any action and I'm probably in more pain than you are, so suck it up, nancy.

    Dear Bestfriend,
    Please stop coming over and eating all the food in the house. I know you don't have a lot of money, but neither does my mom, and she's the one paying for everything you're consuming. And she's paying for 3 people to live here. And she's out of town.
    Also, can't you do your laundry at your mom's house? I said it'd be ok for you to wash your work clothes here because I thought you would be spending the night. I didn't say "Bring over everything you have ever owned and do 4 loads of laundry, thanks!"

    Dear Body,
    Please poop. I'd appreciate it, especially since you haven't made the motions since Thursday.

  5. #34
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Missouri, The Show Me State
    Posts
    179
    Dear Mother in law:

    Please do not inform The Boy to tell me that you don't like his haircut.. first, it is just hair, second it is his head, and third, it will grow back. Thanks

  6. #35
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    brooklyn
    Posts
    600
    Guinness,

    Sorry to hear about your wisdom teeth-- I had mine yanked this time last year and man, was it a bitch. You probably already know this, but just in case you don't: pain killers make you constipated. The percocets could definately be to blame. I suggest an apple and something with olive oil in it to help move the mail the natural way (when you're up to eating).

    Get well soon!
    -- elizabeth

  7. #36
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    2,021
    ew, gross, if my boyfriend asked me for a handjob i would punch him in the crotch.

    take it from someone who was on Vicodin after surgery: skip the apple and buy yourself some stool softeners or a gentle laxative.

  8. #37
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    456
    Quote Originally Posted by stella
    ew, gross, if my boyfriend asked me for a handjob i would punch him in the crotch.
    Dear Stella,
    Thanks for the ginormous laugh.

    Sjkmaurice

  9. #38
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    822
    Dear Husband,
    Please make more of an effort to take better care of yourself. I have been working hard these past 2 years to recover from the hyper/hypo hell my thyroid was in, and have finally gotten to the point that I can take much better care of ME physically and mentally, not to mention taking care of our kids.
    I have done as much as I could do to benefit you as well as the rest of us.....changed gradually to healthier eating, bought us bikes, worked on getting our financial mess in order, etc.
    But I can't force you to do what you need to do to stay healthy. Your father and grandfather both died too young (52 and 51 yr old), and you are about to turn 46. I know it must be disconcerting to think about, but you can help yourself in so many ways.
    1) Make that appt. with your doctor and ask for the referral to someone in the mental health field. Your doctor is not monitoring you closely enough on your meds, and they haven't been helping as well as they should for a long time now.
    2) Make that appt. with the surgeon to see about closing up that hole in your heart. You already had a scare last year w/ the circulation in your fingers being cut off and said finges turning purple. It could have been worse. Now that we know why, you need to get it fixed so you don't suffer a heart attack or stroke. Just think, you don't even have to get your chest cracked open like I did when i was a kid! Isn't modern medical technology great?
    3) Please try harder to eat better and get more exercise than just mowing the lawn on weekends! You have a gut that makes you look pregnant. (Not for nothin', I'm not exactly svelte myself....) I am buying healthy foods to keep us healthier. Please try to expand your palate and get more of a variety of fruits and veggies in your diet. Your intestinal woes are probably most directly the result of your lack of fiber and needed nutrition, and it's better to get those things naturally, rather than to sporadically pop a multivitamin.
    The exercise will help your digestion too, AND....going back to #1, will help0 your mental health through the release of endorphins!!

    Do these things for yourself above all else. Then think of how great it will be for our sons to have their father around as long as possible. I know you would like to see the boys grow up, and hopefully see them start families of their own.
    You don't have to do these things all at once, that's just a recipe for inertia. Set one goal at a time, and stick to it.
    I know you can do it!

  10. #39
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    347
    Dear People Who Live Upstairs,

    Please tell me that the moving truck outside is for you. If it isn't I'm going to cry.

    Dear Hotel In Delaware That I Won't Name,

    I hate you, 'nuff said.

    Dear Me,

    Stop being lazy and spending all of you time playing the internet.

    Dear People Upstairs (again),

    Is it possible for you to walk across you apartment floor without stomping? Do you have to stay up all hours of the night stomping?

    Dear Job,

    Please don't lay me off. I know you lost a ton of money last year and really it was your own fault. If you are going to lay me off can you please just go ahead and do it instead of saying things like "evaluating postitions" and "considering processes" we all know those are code words for lay off.

    Love,
    Michelle

  11. #40
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Stayton OR
    Posts
    92
    Dear Forum-troll-on-another-site,
    You are a raving idiot, a fake, thief, and plagerist. You look insane when you insult and harass people then steal their work verbatim and paste it to your website and claim it as your own. Perhaps it's something they make a pill for-- you should ask your doctor.

    To tell me "judge not.." is ridiculous, that passage refers to judge not whether someone goes to heaven or not-- that is the judgment people are supposed to allow God to make, not that you are a raving bitch (which is okay for people to judge based on the facts) If I could afford the airfare I'd fly up to Canada just to take a taxi to your house, knock on the door, wait until you open it and slap your fat face with my shoe.

    Up until this point I have been very nice, even pointing you to academic and legal sites where you could find out more about fair use laws so that accidental plagerism and copyright infringement could be avoided-- be aware, the gloves are off now and domain names are cheap, www.yournamesucks.com is available and google is a powerful tool. Information is my kung-fu.
    STFU,
    Wendy

    Dear Kids,
    I can't believe how much you've made my life worthwhile. I love you.
    Love,
    Mom


 
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