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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Nov 2004
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    407

    An open letter to...

    Ok, so I really need to get this off my chest.

    Dear woman who yelled at my friend today:

    I really understand where you were coming from. People aren't supposed to talk on cell phones while they're driving. My friend was breaking the law. She was misbehaving. You thought you had the moral high ground. You thought you were just enforcing urban etiquette by yelling at her to get off of her phone. You thought she was the asshole and you were in the right.

    Let me tell you why my friend picked up her cell phone. My friend's mom has end stage breast cancer. Two days ago, she was rushed to the hospital. My friend has spent the past two days there, but she really desperately needed a break, so she left and we went out for coffee. When she picked up the phone, she was on the way to drop me home and then go back to the hospital. She answered the phone because the ring-tone told her that it was her father, and she thought he was calling to say that her mother had died.

    As it turns out, that wasn't why he called. He called to discuss the possibility of my friend's mom moving into a hospice facility. But you know, my friend has had a truly shitty couple of days. I very much hope that you never have a day as bad as the past couple of days have been for her. And in your small way, you contributed to making it worse. On one level, you were in the right, but on another you were a total fucking asshole.

    And I guess I think this is part of a larger epidemic of urban self-righteousness. I get glared at on the bus on a semi-regular basis by smug, sanctimonious people who think that I'm just one of those rude young'uns who sits in the seats for elderly people because I'm rude and selfish. I don't think it ever occurs to them that I might be sitting there because I actually can't stand on a moving bus. It's not that different from people who make a big show of disdain when kids throw tantrums in the grocery store. Kids sometimes throw tantrums. There's no need to imply that their parents are responsible for the decline of civilization as we know it.

    I know that it's important to be polite. I really do. But I think we all need to cut each other a tiny bit of slack. I'm not Christian, but I think there's something to be said for the whole "judge not, so that you be not judged" thing. Is that really so much to ask?

    Love,

    Sally

    Ok, your turn. This is a thread for open letters, to anyone and about anything.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member
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    Dec 2005
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    florida's nature coast
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    136
    i notice this on a daily basis...people just don't stop to think about what anyone else could possibly going through! i am nice to everyone despite their behaviour...you just never know. anyone at all can be having the worst day of their life, any person you see at any given moment could have just been delivered the worst news ever! if EVERYONE would stop and think about these things once in a while instead of thinking of only themselves and what they think is 'right'...the world would be a completely different place, now, wouldn't it?

    that's my open letter to the world.

  4. #3
    Senior Member
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    Jan 2006
    Posts
    387
    To paraphrase Miss Manners, it is not good manners to point out the etiquette breaches of others in an attempt to shame them into a standard of behavior. We could all stand to relax a little and give one another the benefit of the doubt.

    Sending out good thoughts and prayers for your friend and her mother.

  5. #4
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    2,021
    pointing out etiquette breaches to others is just *begging* to have to eat crow when you do some bogus rude thing one day in a hurry or whatever... man, whatever happened to "judge not, lest ye be judged?"

    here's my open letter to my roommates:

    I give the fuck up. Obviously being pleasant and constructive about your cleaning habits or lack thereof isn't going to do anything. I can't force you to do anything, so apparently I will have to continue cleaning any space I want clean. Because I'd just hate for you to have to lift a fucking finger. You think I'm a nice person because I make a concerted effort to be nice, but I don't feel like it's worth it anymore. i just hope some day you feel like the asshole you are.

  6. #5
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2005
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    Phoenix, AZ
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    187
    This just reminded me that there's a version of The Golden Rule in every religion on this planet. Someone needed to remind this holier-than-thou (word deleted, but you get the idea) of that.
    I too am sending all kinds of good thoughts and prayers to your friend and her family.

  7. #6
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2004
    Location
    Charm City
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    362
    Well said, sallysunshine.

    Reading your post made me feel a little less like the walking wounded...or, maybe if I am that, a little less alone. My mother was diagnosed with stage-4 lung cancer in December and this month, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage-2 breast cancer ...and there have been times where people, unwitting of my situation, have said the damndest things, and all I can do is just stare blankly at them.

    So, let that be a warning to all you hyperjudgemental freaks out there: there's a girl traveling up and down the east coast, from one cancer mom to the next, and sooner or later she's going to bite your head off! I'm looking at you in particular:

    * Elderly folks who tell me to smile, I don't know how hard life can be. Just because I didn't live through the Great Depression doesn't mean everything is honky dory.
    * Coworkers who keep telling me how lucky I am to go to Florida every month. Yeah, the chemo room is such an adequate replacement for the beach.
    * Salespeople who check my mother's ID and tell her how much better she looks with short hair. Ring up our damn purchase and stop dispensing beauty advice. It's not her hair, and she's going to strangle you with her weakened hands for suggesting her pre-chemo hair--long and oh-so blonde--was anything other than firkin' fabulous.
    * Every single last person--friends and strangers--who has told me not to worry over the past five months. How dare you.

    For the record, I've not vocalized any of these statements to the offending parties, but I expect someday I'm just going to blow my top.

  8. #7
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Posts
    456
    Dear Man in the Toyota Matrix -

    My children were in the backseat of that car that you came thiiiiiiiis close to ramming today. The next time you decide to cruise in the right-turn only lane, maybe you should go ahead and turn right, waste a minute or two turning back around to go the direction you want instead of cutting off the lady with the babies who is in the correct lane.

    Sincerely,
    The woman behind you who honked her horn for a good 30 seconds. Yeah, I know you heard me.

  9. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    memphis
    Posts
    25
    dear person i am dating,

    please quit implying that i am fat when i am obviously not. just because you are skinny due to thyroid problems doesn't mean that you should make fun of anyone else who happens to be not as skinny as you. and while you're at it, quit being a jerk while you are drunk. it's getting old. and i'm tired.

    dear company i work for,

    please quit treating me and my coworkers like we are kindergarteners. getting only 3 minutes of downtime (clocked) to go to the bathroom in a day is bullshit. having newly assigned seats is bullshit. giving "occurances" for getting back from break ONE minute late is bullshit. i'm tired of the crap and once i find something better, i'm outtie.

    dear sweet cute puppy,

    please quit chewing up my shoes before i cry.

  10. #9
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Northern California
    Posts
    2,021
    um, elle oh elle, life is too short to date assholes.

  11. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    florida's nature coast
    Posts
    136
    ...and, life is certainly too short to work for arseholes!


 
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