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Thread: No SEX? What?

  1. #11
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    um, attack him. that should solve your issues. :)

    failing that, maybe you do need to see a counselor, as djules said, especially if you are planning to spend the rest of your lives together.

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  3. #12
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    Okay, so.... I hope this post doesn't have too much personal information. I tried not to be crude or too descriptive.
    My fiance and I have been together for 7 years. He has a super high sex drive, and I could do it every couple of months and be happy. We went through super awkward conversations, much like the ones described above. And my Honey isn't into counselling either.
    Now, I am not a counsellor and claim to have no magic cure. However, I know what helped us.

    I know that my Sweetie gets cranky if we don't have sex once a week. So, even if I'm not in the mood, I initiate sex as an act of love. There are plenty of things that he does for me because he loves me, so I do this for him. Really it's for us. I end up having a few orgasms too, so it's not like I'm a martyr or anything. Also, he does his part by taking care of himself when he needs to, rather than bugging me 3 times a day.
    Yes. He does it on average 3x a day. For him, it's like breathing.

    To get through the initial awkward-ness, I put on some super sexy lingerie, get all prettied up and pretty much jump him. If he tries to talk, I kiss him on the mouth, continue to initiate sex, and wait for him to reciprocate or reject it.

    Now, this doesn't work ALL the time. I try to be assertive, but I wouldn't like him forcing himself on me, so I don't force myself on him. He has said "no" to me in the past. But that was like, a day after we had an arguement about not having sex for so long.

    As it turns out, my sex drive has increased somewhat. I'm interested about twice a month now. So really, I'm only putting out once more a month than I would be anyway (period week is off limits).

    I hope this helps. Also, I find wearing sexy under-things helps me feel sexier. It can be hard to feel like a sex goddess in t-shirts and jeans. And sometimes, when you dress/look the part you start to feel a little naughty and that can be VERY inspiring.

    Also, check out Nancy Friday. She's written lots of books on fantasies. Reading erotica can help rev up the libido too. Introducing toys may follow......I'm sure you get my point.

    The big thing I've learned over the years, is that making love should be fun. When it becomes a chore, you need to make it interesting again.

    Good luck!

  4. #13
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    well when I was engaged and it was coming up to our "wedding year" we started to die out in the bedroom just from the stress and extra work and apeasing the families on both sides. So to make things a little bit more for us we would take a long weekend fri-mon and go out of the city and just either go camping or to a bed and breakfast. Our biggest problem was schedules but once we took ourselves out of the craziness it was alot easier to connect not only in bed but cement our love and friendship and just leave the stress back home. I hope this helps sweetie. Good luck.

  5. #14
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    Pokey - thank you so much for posting.. you two sound EXACTLY like my fiance and me. (he also gets in the mood to do *something* 2-3 times a day and i am practically asexual) we've had many discussions and arguments about the situation, talking about whether this will ever be enough to end the relationship, but we both love each other so much that we always work through it. it makes me feel so much better to know that someone else is in this position. honestly i could do a lot more to take initiative and act sexy for him, it's just difficult because i simply don't think about sexual things practically ever.

    i will start trying more, thanks for the sexy undies suggestion... my Fruit of the Looms aren't doing anything to put anyone in the mood :P

    good luck to the other ladies who are in similar positions!

  6. #15
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    I used to have an insane sex drive... as in, "Baby, let's do it again!" But now, as I've focusing more and more on things outside myself, I find that I've more or less lost my center, and my sex drive has suffered because of it.

    I am so glad I'm not the only one. This thread has been very helpful...

  7. #16
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    EmmaPhlema have you talked to your doctor about your medication? Maybe someone mentioned that already. I have hardly any sex drive, I'm *not* on medication, so I blame the children.

    I am so sick of hearing reports about how often couples "do it" because I'm nowhere in the ballpark.

  8. #17
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    I totally identify with what you guys are saying.
    elixirbeth, I agree with you. The more I'm focused on things outside myself, the less I'm interested in sex.

    I really think that too many of us are under too much stress. How are we supposed to be interested in sex, when the pressures of work/relationships/family/etc. are squeezing us tighter and tighter so that it becomes difficult to breathe, never mind be a free spirited sex goddess! Then you get the, "Don't you find me attractive? Do you still love me?" thing and you think, can't you see that I'm suffocating? I can't breathe and YOUR worried about SEX????

    I think men go through life differently than women. For them sex seems to be a regular bodily function that you just have to do. Like going to the bathroom. If you don't move you bowels for a few days, you start to get cranky and uncomfortable. (Sorry guys, I'm a nurse, hence the bowel analogy!) I think that must be what it's like for men. However, for women sex seems like something that can be done later. Like deep conditioning your hair. You KNOW that you should do it once every week or two, but it's not like you hair's going to fall out if you don't. Therefore, it gets put into the "Later" category. However when you do deep condition your hair you marvel afterwards at how soft and silky it is, and you vow that you are definitely going to do this again in 7 days. And then you don't get to it again for another month.

    Sorry for rambling/venting. I've had a rough week!
    Are my analogies correct? Or am I totally off base?

  9. #18
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    that's totally *not* how i feel about sex. my sex drive isn't as high as it has been in the past (i'm on antidepressants), but it's definitely something i want to do when i want to do it, and something i think about frequently. i'd really rather be thought of as a woman who likes sex and prefers to have it frequently than "like a man".

    that said, i am in a long-term relationship but we're not married and don't have kids. when we did live together though, the sex was better than it is now, when we only see each other once every few weeks.

  10. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pokey
    I think men go through life differently than women. For them sex seems to be a regular bodily function that you just have to do. Like going to the bathroom. If you don't move you bowels for a few days, you start to get cranky and uncomfortable. (Sorry guys, I'm a nurse, hence the bowel analogy!) I think that must be what it's like for men. However, for women sex seems like something that can be done later.
    Tell that to my boyfriend...we're the other way around, it seems.

  11. #20
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    It's the total other way around for me. I always want sex, or at the very least I want it 4 times a week, where as my special guy could go months without it. Although I've just gotten out of my 2 and a half/3 year celibacy recently, so maybe I'm just wanting to make up for lost time.


 
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