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Thread: No SEX? What?

  1. #21
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    My partner and I have been together for nearly four years, and have had a long distance relationship for two separate stints.

    Over the first period we spent apart, we screwed like teenagers whenever we saw eachother. We would go our separate ways after a long weekend feeling sore, but still longing for eachother.

    Then we moved in together. I had HORRIBLE full time job and went to school at night. He had a 2 hour commute to and from work. TRANSLATION: Sunday morning sex was all we could handle. And only after breakfast and a stiff drink.

    During our second separation, things got really tense. I felt deserted (left alone with my shitty job and night school), he was lonely. He would come back to our home for a long weekend, and I would feel like, "Hey this is my crib now. I'm used to living alone/single and I rather like it. Back off, BUD."

    Now we're back together and try to have a regular rhythm of 3 times per week, but that usually doesn't happen because of work, chores, friends, "recreational activities", etc... It probably rounds out to twice a week.

    I guess all I'm saying is that there are so many factors that have affected our sexual relationship/intimacy over the years... It feels like a constant struggle to balance my personal and professional life.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pokey
    I think men go through life differently than women. For them sex seems to be a regular bodily function that you just have to do. Like going to the bathroom. If you don't move you bowels for a few days, you start to get cranky and uncomfortable. (Sorry guys, I'm a nurse, hence the bowel analogy!) I think that must be what it's like for men. However, for women sex seems like something that can be done later.
    Yeah my fiance and I totally fit into this analogy. I just don't *think* about sex and FH thinks about it constantly. The most depressing thing is that the whole screwing "like teenagers" phrase doesn't apply - I'm 20 and he's 25. I've never had a sex drive, even when those supposed hormones were all flowing about; we can't blame it on kids or losing the spark of a long relationship or extremely stressful lives. (In fact, FH's life is far more jam packed... he's a senior year architecture student and I'm a sophomore) It's just to the point where watching happy/horny couples on tv makes me frustrated and jealous.

  4. #23
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    Sorry for the generalizations guys! Just frustrated and venting. I realize that this doesn't apply to everyone, and that men and women both have fluctuating sex drives. Having a high or low libido is neither feminine or masculine.
    Hope I haven't offended anyone! If I have I apologize.

  5. #24
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    Sorry for the generalizations guys! Just frustrated and venting. I realize that this doesn't apply to everyone, and that men and women both have fluctuating sex drives. Having a high or low libido is neither feminine or masculine.
    Hope I haven't offended anyone! If I have I apologize.

  6. #25
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    Kate--

    How long have you and your fiance been together?

  7. #26
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    For 2 1/2 years now.. not very long comparatively I suppose

  8. #27
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    i wasn't offended at all! I think it's a pretty common generalization to make, and i think it can be true for a lot of people, just not all of them.

  9. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by kateastrophe
    For 2 1/2 years now.. not very long comparatively I suppose
    I may have missed this, so I will ask: Do you live together?

  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by elixirbeth
    Quote Originally Posted by kateastrophe
    For 2 1/2 years now.. not very long comparatively I suppose
    I may have missed this, so I will ask: Do you live together?
    We do, we just started renting our first apartment last semester. Before that we lived in his moms basement over the summer as a temp living arangement and before that we had separate dorm rooms but I stayed over in his 4+ nights each week. Do you think that living together and being in such closer quarters (small apartment, small dorm rooms, small basement haha) has pushed us farther apart? Perhaps that in conjunction with my naturally way low libido is just a difficult combination. (Sortof a depressing outlook though, since we do plan on living together indefinitely and I can't imagine getting a better sex drive naturally)

  11. #30
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    I hope the author has already solved the problem and they are happy together. I do understand what kind of relationships can be when a couple doesn't have sex. My wife and I went through it about a year ago. I used to have a really stressful job and was always tired, so I just didn't have much desire and time for sex. My wife was on a treatment and wasn't allowed to be sexually active for some time. All this caused a problem. And not only do we not have sex, we started drifting apart. Having discussed the situation, we decided to change something. I changed my occupation and thus had more free time, so I could sleep and rest enough. My wife finished her treatment. In order to return that fire between us we tried several things (that were pretty new for both of us) like watching adult films or chatterbait cam shows. It really worked for us. And I should say, that situation taught us to support each other and work on our relationships together.


 
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