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  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004

    first lady candidates part 2

    AGH! I know Dean has been out of the race, but he's still been sending out his newsletters and campaiging for Kerry and all that. Well, I just got one of the Dean emails, and it was from his wife, and now she feels compelled to put Dean at the end of her name.

    It's not a big deal, but wasn't she just plain old Dr. Judith Steinberg before? Does she really feel that in order to address the Dean fans about contributions she has to add his name to hers? Like we wouldn't know who she is?

    I guess it's stupid to get upset about, but I'm so tired of these women feeling like they have to do this. I guess I'm mad because they do. I'm not against taking your husband's last name, but I'm totally against the mindset that you should or you're not a good wife, hence the first lady issue...

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    New Haven, CT
    I agree, it is weird and upsetting that they feel like they have to, and that they catch flak for not. But you could look at it from a slightly different angle: I know women who don't take it too seriously either way, and sort of exist between the two extremes. I have a friend who writes under her maiden name, but she often goes by her husband's name (especially when making reservations or some kind of telephone arrangements where two last names could get confusing) or refers to the two of them as "The Husband's Names"--I have no idea which one she claims legally, but I suspect she did not have it changed when she got married.

    So I'm certainly not downplaying your complaint, but maybe she doesn't really care one way or the other (which is how I'll feel if I ever get married--I'm sure as hell not changing my name, but it's less of an action than it is an inaction, you know, cause it's my name and it's a great name and why would I go through the trouble of changing it--so I doubt I'd be all that firm about ALWAYS adhering to that name and forcing others to do the same). And it's possible that people wouldn't automatically make the connection that Judith Steinberg is Dean's wife.

    But on a related note, I've been thinking all day about what the journalists said last night (and this was on PBS, I have no idea whether it was included in all coverage of the convention or whether it was PBS-specific) after Theresa Heinz Kerry's speech, about how she should have given us a more personal side of her husband. And when someone commented that that wasn't what she was about, one of the guys retorted "Well, it's not about her!" True, but what a fucking male, great-man way of thinking. For months I've been hearing about the huge percentage of women who didn't vote in the previous election and how women really comprise the voter-population to be tapped into. Now, here's a woman who's capable of inspiring all those women who didn't vote in 2000, and all day I've been hearing women gushing over THK's speech, and the impact her speech might have had (and did have) on women didn't even occur to those guys. Wow, this is long--sorry!


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