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  1. #11
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
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    New Mexico
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    330
    When I got married I wanted my husband's name and he wanted mine! Which I thought was funny. I won out though and got to change my name.

    My parents never gave me a middle name so I when I got married I made my maiden name my middle name.

    Oh, and Jean I like Sydney as a name. Rock on!

    eta: I didn't catch flack on the name change but my SO and I have caught A Lot of flack for deciding not to have kids. It's so bad with my husband's grandma that we refuse to answer the phone when she calls.

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  3. #12
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Ohio
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    Quote Originally Posted by twilight
    eta: I didn't catch flack on the name change but my SO and I have caught A Lot of flack for deciding not to have kids. It's so bad with my husband's grandma that we refuse to answer the phone when she calls.
    ugh...I hear ya on the kids thing. My parents are fine our decision not to have them, but my husband's side of the family seems to find it horrible. My MIL is can be particularly stubborn about it...she has 2 daughters, they can have the grandkids!

  4. #13
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Hell's Kitchen
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    209
    I agree with the folks commending Your Choice. That's what it's all about.

    My best friend has a great name change story. She and her husband BOTH changed their names. They hyphenate both their last names, so they are known as Woman and Man Very-Cool. I almost cried when she told me about their decision. Such devotion. And like I said Very-Cool.

  5. #14
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Biggest Little City in the World
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    267

    Re: get married, change name, catch hell??

    Just to add my $0.02, but yes if you want to take Rodney's last name it ain't nobody's business but your own! I am the world's biggest spinster, but part of me thinks that should I ever get married, I might like to take my husband's last name. Of course, it would depend on the name itself (I'm not going to become a Smith or a Jones given my current last name!) But I think it would be a gesture showing your committment to this person and becoming a family.


    Anyhow, don't let your coworkers make you feel bad . If anybody should feel bad, I'd say it's your suck-up coworker. That's really tacky trying to horn in on your news by going on about what she'd do if she's getting married.

  6. #15
    Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    72
    When I got married, I decided to hyphenate my name, but a. it didn't sound very good and b. no one remembered to use it anyway! I just used his last name after say the first month. Even now that we are divorced I've kept the last name because it is such a hassle to change back.

    I think taking your husbands last name is not going to set feminism back 40 years, so why your boss made such a big issue out of it I'm not sure. I agree that it was unprofessional of her.

  7. #16
    Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Knoxville, TN
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    51
    my guy and i have discussed this several times and we think that creating a new last name for the both of us would be best. so as i would hyphenate his last name, he would hyphenate mine. so it would be maiden-married for both of us. we figure that would be the best way to celebrate both of our heritages and join our families properly. who knows what we will do in the end, that day is a long way off.

    but the idea is to do as YOU feel most comfortable with. you might want to tell your boss that feminism is all giving women equal rights / equal choice. today a woman can be anything or anyone she chooses. even if that choice is to be a stay at home mom 1950's style or an independent career woman with no plans for a family. that is the whole point. the ability to do as you choose. if you choose to take your husband's name, good for you. if your co-worker chooses to keep hers, good for her. (although it sounds like your co-worker is just saying that to get the good points). do what makes you happy and live your life how you want.

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    50
    Go with what is comfortable. You know what is best for you and your specific situation.

    I would have been absolutely mortified if anyone presumed to comment on my choice of last name. I had a very strange situation, so it was already a difficult process for me.

    My DH was divorced from a woman that had my exact first and middle name - don't ask. So it would have created (did actually) some major problems if I took my DH last name. We both have a strong longing to keep a lineage alive, and my DH was the last in his line. We felt that it was important to continue using his last name, especially when we were having children, which we are - a boy. So DH isn't the last after all. We have also decided that our son (and any other sibs) will have his last name - a very important choice for us.

    However, we kept coming back to the creepiness of having two wives with the same name - ewww. My personal choice (supported by DH) was to hyphenate my name for legal documents, and use his last name in all other areas. What usually happens when I fill out legal documents is they ask what other name I go by and I list both. I hardly use my hyphenated name now except on tax forms.

    The only problem was our first year when I checked my credit report. It seems that it was too confusing for them, and they never checked SSN's - morons. So now I have a lock that forces them to always ask for my SSN when any reports come in.

    I guess what I'm yabbering about is that it's a personal choice. Don't let your boss get to you.

  9. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    172
    well as another Heidi, I will be keeping my last name. For a couple reasons:

    1. I was born with the name and so have gotten attached to it (it even has some nice alliteration)
    2. My dad died a few years ago and considering that my brother doesn't intend on having a family, I would like the name to stay alive
    3. The family name is known in my hometown, and as I will be opening a business in that town, it's "free advertising"
    4. Lucky's last name is very very Italian and so doesn't match well

    Lucky isn't happy with it. But when I asked him, if he would be willing to change his name, he said he wasn't. And I said, So then. Point made.

    ~WS

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    72
    I would never take ding0's last name (Sabe, pronounced say-bee) as my name would be Amy Sabe. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Well, actually, I wouldn't change my name anyway. I've always liked my last name, and I'm the only person with my full name in the state of Maryland!

    I have friends who adopted a new last name, which is the guy's mom's maiden name. He had issues with his dad, and didn't want to have that name for such an important relationship. I know brothers who both took their wives last names. And I'm all for creating new ones.

    Good natured ribbing or an intelligent discussion over your choice is one thing. Being a pain in the ass is another.

  11. #20
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2004
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    227
    I definitely agree with everyone that this is a matter of personal choice. In 1976 when my parents got married, my mom kept her last name, feeling that she was not my father's property. Then, they hyphenated the last names for me, my sister, and my brother. When I was younger, and kids would tease about it (I also have a unique first and middle name), that my parents weren't married, etc. and then I didn't like it. It has caused problems with college (financial aid/loan paperwork), medical records being lost, etc. It is neat, and now that I am older I like having a unique name, but I will be dropping it when I get married. The humor in that being that my initials will become A-S-S.


 
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