getcrafty :: popular topics :: household :: chores

View entire thread: What do you do with your kids?

Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-12-04 07:04:12      Post Subject:



Oh yeah...keeping the little ones occupied is a challenge! My younger son (almost 4) goes to pre school 3 mornings/week. And both my boys are good at keeping themselves occupied. Although yesterday while I was taking a nap, apparently my husband took a mini snooze too. Woke to find the small boy with his legs and face decorated in marker!
Anyway, when my younger son is home, I need to keep him out of my older son's hair while he does his school work (he's home schooled). So...he loves to help me put clothes in the washer and dryer, or do simple kitchen tasks, like wash the potatoes for dinner. Otherwise, he can be found drawing monsters or practising his letters, play doh, water play (w/ lots of old towels on the bathroom floor!), coloring, "reading" books. The part I love most is to listen in while he creates little scenarios with his various toys, and the diologue he makes up for them.
Hmmmm...he likes to do dot-to-dot pictures, but he gets kind of lost after 19! Makes for some funky lookin' pictures!
Glue and various supplies like buttons, large sequins, feathers, squares of colored tissue paper, yarn and fabric scraps, pom-poms, pictures from magazines, etc. are always good for some wild collages.
Ahhh...but my kids are 7 years apart, so i never had to deal with quite the same challenge as you do trying to balance the attention b/t 2 young children. By the time #2 came along, his big bro was able to fix his own simple snacks and help me with stuff.
When your baby is old enough to support his/her body upright, you can put him/her in a backpack-style carrier while you do household chores with your older child helping you. both my boys LOVED being able to look over my shoulder while I did dishes, vacuuming, laundry, etc. and the older one liked to help. It made all those tedious chores more fun.

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View entire thread: Spring Cleaning?

Posted by happyhats on 2005-05-31 23:48:59      Post Subject: Spring Cleaning?

I never really did the spring cleaning thing, but it seems I have sorta fallen into it by circumstance. I moved a few months back, and had very little furniture, so a lot of my belongings were stacked (see-thrown) on the floor. Recently, in helping move my father and sister in law, I acquired lots of furniture as well as got my wonderful dresser back, and I bought my very own bed as well. So now it's clean, clean, clean and reorganize too. Here's my list of cleaning/redecoration chores. I thought it would be nice to hear what other people do, if anything, for spring cleanouts, or what cleaning/redecorating projects are being done now that the warm weath approaches.

1. get boy to hook up all of his computer gear and get it off the floor.

2. fix found bookshelf to make it more sturdy, and since it is storing extra clothes, make a nice curtain/cover for it.

3. Put up shelves

4. Organize craft supplies

5. Take down ucky blinds and cover window with rice paper.

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View entire thread: Help! Messy Husband!!

Posted by staceybug on 2008-05-24 21:13:56      Post Subject:

I am in the same boat with you. I have been married for a year. My hubbie knew he needed to change his ways (and I''m not completely spic-and-span). He has his little jobs to do around the house that I end up doing because they don''t get done!

We are actually going to make a chore chart. We are going to sit down and list what chores we each are going to do and what day they are going to get done on. That way there is no \"I forgot\" or \"I''ll do it later\".

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View entire thread: What do you do with your kids?

Posted by sjkmaurice on 2005-12-04 10:04:05      Post Subject:

I have a three year old and a four month old. Four and a half, really. She's to the point now where as long as her little belly is content, she'll lay on the floor or play in the walker (not for too long, I know) when I need her to do so. She started rolling, though and gets really mad if I don't "save" her from being on her stomach; she has to be completely preoccupied with toys to endure tummy-time. The older one helps with chores and we play together. If I'm really needing some time, she's perfectly happy to sit at the table with blank paper and crayons. Sometimes she entertains the baby on the floor but she's older than your daughter so that's probably not a good idea for you. And sometimes she just wants to play by herself although she'll usually end up bringing me into her little fantasies. We mostly play it by ear.

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View entire thread: What do you do with your kids?

Posted by mrs_stroozi on 2005-12-03 22:23:19      Post Subject:

Wow. She actually lets you ignore her? When my kids were two years old they wouldn't let me out of their sights, especially my daughter, who is now 8 and still a little clingy.

What worked best for me was to let them tag along as I did my chores and have them "help." Give her a dry rag and let her dust the furniture while you do a tidy, or a damp one and rub the fronts of cabinets while you clean the kitchen. Talk to her while you do this; even better, sing. Let her playcook with toy pots while you cook a real meal. She can fold socks or dishtowels while you fold the rest of the laundry. That way your house doesn't fall apart and you won't feel as if you don't have time to get down on the floor and give her your full attention.

A godsend can be a child care service or co-op nursery for a couple of mornings a week. Or hire a young jr high girl for a few hours a week to play with her while you attend to items that need your full attention, take care of your littlest one, or even take a nap! Or trade off with another mom of a toddler.

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View entire thread: killing germs with eco-safe laundering?

Posted by felt on 2004-09-16 02:51:00      Post Subject:

I second Stella. My boyfriend's entire family are doctors. They have a summerhouse in Sweden where they get dirty all the time doing chores (and I mean *dirty*). One day I saw the nephews playing in the dirt with some rocks, putting them in their mouth, etc. I freaked out but J's parents told me it's good to expose kids early to *some* dirt because it builds up their immune system.

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View entire thread: What did you read in June 2007?

Posted by brdgt on 2007-07-02 07:30:06      Post Subject: What did you read in June 2007?

Non-Fiction:

Taking on the Big Boys: Why Feminism is Good for Families, Business and the Nation by Ellen Bravo - While Bravo does resort to a "boogeyman" argument (a vague notion of who these "big boys" are) she does an excellent job showing how businesses attempt to maintain the status quo (using arguments that pit groups with common interests against each other, making outlandish claims about the possibility of enacting equitable policies, and belittling problems). She then offers evidence to the contrary with real examples, followed by solutions that have actually worked. She covers everything from sexual harassment to household chores with a great sense of humor and respect for all kinds of work.

Survival of the Sickest: A Medical Maverick Discovers Why We Need Disease by Dr. Sharon Moalem with Jonathan Prince - I liked about 50% of this book; when Moalem kept to his descriptions of diseases and how they may have developed for evolutionary purposes he is engaging and trustworthy, but he starts to speculate too widely, playing fast and loose with science and ignoring timelines and societal factors he becomes so untrustworthy that you question the other stuff. First of all, he argues for the evolutionary origin of some things that are only a few hundred years old. Then he puts forth radical theories without presenting critiques of them (such as a theory that we should let cholera run rampant so that its virulence decreases - yeah, because that worked for centuries beforehand?). He also ignored clearly relevant information, such as supporting an argument that early humans were actually aquatic by noting that women who have water births supposedly don't feel as much pain because they don't use epidurals as much as other women (totally ignoring the type of woman who is likely to choose a water birth and the choice of whether to have an epidural is not always about the amount of pain).

Comics:
100 Bullets Vol. 3: Hang Up on the Hang Low by Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso - Adding a bit more information to overarching storyline and dishing up an interesting ending. The artwork was also much better in this volume than the first two.

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View entire thread: Me time pact

Posted by CraftinFool on 2006-05-12 14:03:00      Post Subject: Me time pact

So, my husband and I have been very snappish with each other and both feel very stretched (not an unusual thing for families these days I'm sure).

So we decided to make a pact so we can both get a bit of "me time" in each week since we are sorely lacking. The me time is supposed to be for enjoyable pursuits and not chores (and the other person's supposed to call you on it if you sneak in crappy chores, although I think that will be hard at first!) - and the other person takes sole care of our baby during that time.

We each picked our own night. He picked Mondays (we're calling it mantime monday) and I picked Thursdays.

Does anyone else do something like this? It feels kind of geeky to schedule it but I think it's the only way it will happen!! I'm looking forward to my first metime thursday next week.

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View entire thread: tired of being tired

Posted by CraftyChicaAZ on 2004-10-24 21:14:33      Post Subject:

what great ideas! thank you!

i did ask about pt, but i was told i would have to wait for something to open and then apply for it. wierd! kids are busy with homework and chores (helpful!) and i am lucky in that my mom in law comes to help with laundry once a month and hubby usually cooks our meals. i feel guilty for getting out of these domestic chores. even though i do all this other stuff i feel like i'm missing out on the stuff moms are known for...i have a feeling now that i'vce acknowledged the situation, a change is coming around the corner.

those are great points about college, scholarships - duh! i should be checking into those soon for them. and i think it would be a great pt job for them to help with basecoating and stuff. hmmm...

thanks for the cheer up!

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View entire thread: new mommy gifts

Posted by bratgirl on 2005-06-14 19:41:54      Post Subject:

I second (third?, fourth?) the give of time.

I know what I needed - new clothes. So a gift certificate and a babysitter while I shopped would have been appreciated.

But I know I appreciate the extra hand in doing chores.

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View entire thread: Daddy involvement level (long)

Posted by slowgraffiti220 on 2005-11-17 10:49:34      Post Subject:

Maybe he just doesn't KNOW what to do.... It sounds silly, but is completely possible.

I don't think this sounds silly at all...I think it's probably pretty spot on. My husband and I haven't had our baby yet, but we have had the same problem with chores. I take a lot of issue with essentialist, biological explanations for this kind of stuff, like saying, "well, babies need their moms more" or "women carry the babies, so we feel more attached" or "moms just have that drive, but men don't." just do a little reading about the parenting styles of the pygmies of the congo to see the fallacy of that kind of reasoning.

in this culture, most women are socialized from an early age to be the taskmasters of the household. we are shown, both explicitly and subtly, what is expected fo a "good household" and a "good mother." we know what it looks like, we can look at a situation and see the inner workings of how it doesn't meet expectations. we feel like, "damn, how can you say you don't know how to clean a bathtub, isn't it obvious!?" but maybe don't realize that either 1) we were taught how to do that or 2) we were taught how to feel comfortable attacking those kinds of tasks anew. for example, i've met so many guys who, for whatever reason, think they can fix anything. but give them a broken sewing machine and their daunted. why? they don't know why usually...mostly they say they don't know about "that kind of stuff." i'm not saying that this socialization is universal or is universally absorbed in the same way by all people, but it's pretty common from my observation. guys may want to help, but often have no idea where to start and feel embarrased or uncomfortable asking.

i think what might work best is making a list of common things you have to do for the baby and asking him to take charge of a few of them to start with. do them with him for a day or two, so that he feels comfortable, and then let him be in charge by himself. it will take more work and it's annoying to have to add taching him to caring for the baby, but after a week or two, the effort will have probably paid off. and i would say, don't just do it for him if it's not done to your standards or often enough, even if that's your natural reaction. talk to him about it and be firm...with my husband, he's finally starting to realize that if he doesn't do his chores (of which he has a whopping ::2:: ) then they're not going to get done and i'm going to be cranky about it.

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View entire thread: helpful household tips?

Posted by girlsavage on 2005-05-24 19:25:38      Post Subject:

Oh hey ,I do that with the used dryer sheets. I have a weird obsession with the smell of clean laundry.lol! The white cotton Yakee Sampler candles are my favorite candle to burn.
I use the swifters, but, I dust all the tables and stereo stuff and chachkees with the sheet. Then I attach it to the sweeper and use it up on the floors.
Wood polish..A few drops of fressh lemon on a rag and a few drops of olive oil.
Start at the top of the room chores and work your way down. That way by the time you get to the floors, all the dust and dirt from the rest of the room is there too. Also I do the same task from room to room and work my way through the house and then down the list and so on....

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View entire thread: Moving into my first apartment!

Posted by brdgt on 2005-02-07 13:24:28      Post Subject:

Hmmm, my first apartment (and it was also with my boyfriend, and another friend)...

You both need your space, neutral areas that you can go to get away from the other person. In a small apartment that may not be possible, so try to find a local spot, like a coffeeshop or library that is all yours.

Is this his first apartment? While I like to think men are getting better do not be surprised if he has no idea how to do basic household chores like laundry or cooking. Even if he is good about these things it is really good to make a division of chores so that one person doesn't feel like they are doing too much. Try to match your schedules and interests - like if you are home more it might be easier for you to do the laundry, or if he likes to cook, then you can do the dishes. Some things, no one likes to do and you just have to split them up fairly.

I've moved five times in my life and every time it takes me longer and longer to really move in. Don't feel like you have to rush to buy everything that you think everyone else has. Once you are actually living in the place you can more easily see what your needs are.

Try to split the bills so that you each have at least one in your name so that you can establish credit.

Get a cookbook, living on your own is expensive, you can't eat out very much and still be able to afford rent.

When you do need stuff like chairs or kitchen supplies check out used furniture stores and thrift stores. Honestly - I'm 28 now and I think the only thing in my apartment now that I had in my first apartment is a bookcase (that I hate, but I need it for my books).

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View entire thread: twixters?? what the heck?*RANT*

Posted by JediEmpressMel on 2005-03-22 20:10:55      Post Subject:

I live at home.
Right now, I know I'm sponging. I have been for the past two years. I've been trying to find a job, but the problem was, I was way too picky.
The other problem is that literally every job at school is only for people who are minorities, or poor. It's very frustrating that the school is discriminating against middle class white people like that. NO ONE is taking those jobs. Why can't I get it if I need it? It's stupid.
I mean, I've literally seen the same jobs advertised on the job placement site all semester.

But I digress.

My parents pay for my gas, my school, my clothes, give me money, pay for food, and I'm 23. They actually baby me too much because I'm my moms only and my dad's baby.

They gave me thier old car.
The problem is this. They never trained me to be independent. I'm not saying it's entirely their fault...but they had a huge part in keeping me naive, very dependent, and there's no way I could have handled moving out when I was 18.
Basically, if I whined enough, I could get them to do everything for me. NOT a good thing when you are an adult! I had to retrain myself to do things on my own.
They also NEVER had me do chores. My mom would clean my room for me so that my dad would stop yelling about it! They would pay me for good grades, pay me to clean my room.
I appreciate thier generosity, but in a way, it was limiting.
I think that having me do chores would have taught me how to me more self sufficiant. I didn't even realize what a mooch I was until I was 20.
I feel absolutely horrible about living off of them still. I never ask for money, but they still give it to me. I try and do stuff around the house whenever I can.
The reason they're letting me live here is so that I can afford school. Ironically, if I didn't live at home, I could qaulify for financial aide and get a job.
It looks like I won't be moving out until I'm 25, which I feel really pathetic about.
But at the same time, I'm very grateful for everything they've given me, and that they care enough to keep me here.
Sometimes though, I wish I had parents who would tell me to load up my stuff and get out. Because then I'd be FORCED to move out of here. I actually in a way envy those people whose parents didn't let them stay at home, because they are so much more self sufficiant.
I guess it's the grass is always greener thing.

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View entire thread: I am so torn...

Posted by researchasaurus on 2005-02-09 11:33:30      Post Subject:

The dreaded genealogy ladies! I wouldn't do that to you.

If I find myself in such a predicament while in New Orleans I'll just try to revert to that high school "I'm so drunk after one glass of Boones Farm" mode, while drinking ginger ale. That could be funny. Or not.

The "productive" thing is so deeply ingrained in me that I find it very very hard to stop. When I stayed home sick from school as a kid, my mom made me do chores. I should work on it.

But then I read the other day this quaint little maxim: "If you're bored, you're boring."

That one struck a chord.

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View entire thread: Cleaning and You

Posted by slowgraffiti220 on 2005-10-10 10:23:00      Post Subject:

i did flylady for a while but the emails were too much for me to keep up with, as i'm not a fan of checking my email everyday. but i still do some flylady stuff and i find it really helpful. probably the biggest thing i would suggest is to declutter for 15 minutes a day. i set my microwave timer and just pick up everything that i see as quickly as i can. after a week or so, it only takes two or three minutes to get the clutter up. (when my husband noticed this, he started to be more vigilant about picking up his crap. i still have to nag him a bit, mostly because his mother never made him pick anything up and i think he genuinely doesn't realize that he has left mess sometimes...when i point something out, he is no longer a butthead about picking it up.) the house isn't always clean per se (as in scrubbed and shiny), but it is always 5 minutes away from being company ready.

as for other chores, my husband cleans the dishes daily while i cook dinner. i do (well, at least check as to whether i need to do) laundry daily. i make a "to do" list every night of about an hour's worth of chores, if i have that many, and work from 3-4pm getting them done. setting a timer really helps me to focus. i also use the flylady lists sometimes still, as they remind me to do things i haven't done in a while. wednesdays i clean out the fridge. fridays i go through the crap in my purse. my car, well, i haven't had that long so i still just don't let it get dirty.

i also have hotspots, which i check every night before i go to bed. of all the flylady stuff i'd say doing the hot spots and the 15 minutes timed a day really are the most useful, hlepful thing.

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View entire thread: Me time pact

Posted by Chelsea on 2006-05-12 18:16:53      Post Subject:

If you don't schedule it, you'll feel like you never have time because of everything that has to be done. Even though it IS one of those things that has to be done.

I really like the idea...although it's really not that hard for me to skip chores ;) hehe.

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View entire thread: new baby niece - what do i bring???

Posted by Knits4Fun on 2006-02-14 07:31:48      Post Subject:

brightsun, that must have been during the snowstorm!!

I agree with other posters in pre made meals--friends of ours did that with our first and it's a Godsend. Also helping with chores (as I had a c-section) my aunt came over and did laundry, etc. That definitely helps.

Congratulations!

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View entire thread: How to motivate my bf to help home

Posted by brdgt on 2005-07-15 11:25:21      Post Subject:


May be I'm too concerned about this and should try to talk about it with naturality. Its a big deal for me since in my parents home my mom always did everything and I felt angry for my dad not helping and always thought that wouldn't happen to me...

Tell him all of that! I think it will help for him to know that it's not "just" that you want him to pick up after himself because it's your home and that's how you run it, but because chores have meaning beyond cleanliness to you.

Always err on the side of stating what you think is the obvious when it comes to household chores - it goes both ways. I always forget to empty the hair trap in the shower so my husband reminds me, he always forgets to rinse out cans when he is done, so I remind him. We just state the obvious right away so that one of us doesn't sit there simmering about why the other one can't remember to do a simple thing until we blow up and make a big deal out of something that doesn't have to be.

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View entire thread: Hand Washing

Posted by happyhats on 2005-09-27 23:34:51      Post Subject:

Thanks, slowgraffiti! And, to be fair to the boy, he does do laundry from time to time, but with our sleep schedules (both being night owls) and his work schedule, by the time he gets home and can do chores the laundry room is closed. Plus, I'm trying to do what I can to save money. He's already cutting back on eating out and at work, and I'm cutting out work sodas. But to tell the truth, there isn't much to cut out on my end (just gotta watch what I spend at the thrift)! So I figure if I can cut a few dollars from every time I do laundry that helps!

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View entire thread: Me time pact

Posted by thrifty-one on 2006-06-11 15:15:03      Post Subject:

Oh, great ideas "me-time" and "us-time". My husband and I have been snappy recently too. Scheduling the time seems very sensible to me, that way you know it's coming up and can look forward to it.

If I want to do some crafting I ask my husband to take our boy out to the park or something so they get fun "together time" and I get peace and quiet at my sewing machine. I have had to get tough with myself about not doing the chores though!

PS(First post - great to be here!)

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View entire thread: fed up with limited help around the house - I''M ON STRIKE!!

Posted by brdgt on 2007-08-20 07:42:36      Post Subject:

I'm disappointed, but not surprised, at how much this topic comes up here:
How to motivate my bf to help home
unappreciated and overworked


If you plan on having any future with him, you need to tell him that how much this bothers you, as in "I don't see a future for us if this is the way it's going to be." That may sound extreme, but I'm willing to bet if he's this insensitive about chores than he is insensitive in other areas of the relationship and you will just grow to resent him while he takes advantage of you. It's one thing for a couple to have two different ideas about cleanliness, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to compromise one bit.

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View entire thread: new baby niece - what do i bring???

Posted by Selah on 2006-02-13 14:38:38      Post Subject:

Congratulations on your neice! You're being so thoughtful and I'm sure your sister will appreciate all your help even if she might be too tired and zoned out to express it.

Someone brought us over a huge batch of homemade granola and it was perfect for grabbing a healthy snack the first couple of weeks.

Also I agree that making something to freeze is helpful as well as just jumping in and doing the chores that need to be done.

Maybe you could also take a few photos of the new family and then when you get home make a little album to send since your sister probably is too tired to do that kind of thing for herself these days.

Also any gift just for her, a book on cd to listen to while she feeds, special lotion, a stash of candy bars in a nice bag to "break into in case of emergency". Something like that will be much appreciated. You're going to be busy!

Wishing I had a sister!

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View entire thread: what do you do when you have the whole day free?

Posted by CraftinFool on 2005-04-18 08:56:23      Post Subject:

If I have time to myself I promise myself I will do fun frivolous things and then I end up tidying and taking care of crappy chores and then I get cranky!

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View entire thread: What to do for a friend in need?

Posted by di0nne on 2006-04-25 14:11:25      Post Subject:

First things first. Practical help is always good in these situations, the shock may have left her feeling like it is hard to cope with the basics. You could make her dinner (or food to freeze), offer to babysit, help with chores and anything else practical you think would be useful.

Secondly be there for her - you sound like a great friend and just being there for her will be very important. Listening is probably the best thing you can do, just let her get it all off her chest.

Finally, don't be too quick to judge. I know her husband has done a terrible thing and he has betrayed her - but you never know what will happen. Whilst it's very tempting (and satisfying) to tell her what a complete idiot he is and how she's better off without him, you don't know what's on the cards. I wouldn't give her any advice on what decisions to make or offer your personal views of him, as it may come back to haunt you. I did exactly that with one of my friends during a terrible time in her relationship and I couldn't take my words back. When they got back together, she found it very hard to see me or speak to me after what I had said, and I haven't seen her for years. So think carefully before you judge.

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View entire thread: fed up with limited help around the house - I''M ON STRIKE!!

Posted by englishrose on 2007-08-20 06:32:55      Post Subject: fed up with limited help around the house - I''M ON STRIKE!!

I know this is nothing new - but I am fed up with the way I get limited help off my boyfriend with chores!

I have tried a rota - which he ignores

I have tried 15 mins a day, where we both do a bit around the house - he either does half a job, or creates a new mess in it''s place, or doesn''t do it at all

We''ve talked about getting a cleaner - but that idea didn''t go down too well.

I''ve tried to give him easy jobs - like taking the garbage out, only to find a trail of mess on the floor, where something has leaked out of the bottom of the bag.

Or...I empty the dishwasher, if he fills it - but he doesn''t fill it, so I run out of pans etc, when I have to cook the dinner.

This weekend I have finally had enough! I cooked dinner for us and 2 guests, asked him to help with a few things - he went out. When he came back, there was hardly any time to do anything before the guests arrived. I then asked him if he would clean the cooker top - I thought, the least he could do, seeing as I did all the cooking! 2 days later, I reminded him that I''d asked him to clean it, and he just said \"I never heard you say that\".

Selective hearing!!

I''ve asked him to fix various things around the house - or help me correct a few errors on my computer - has he done that? - Or course NOT!

He lazed in bed until noon - with his laptop. It''s not like he was really busy this weekend. He did cook breakfast - but then leaves greese splatters everywhere, and drops food onto the kitchen floor.

I know some of it sounds really silly - but it''s little things, and it''s constant.

He doesn''t look after his belongings - he doesn''t care if things get dirty, scratched or damaged.

I''ve had enough - I work from home, and the mess gets me down!

I''ve tried everything I can possibly think of - I''ve cried, I''ve nagged, I''ve moaned, I''ve even got to a point where I nearly walked out...

so...now I''m on strike!!

I''m not lifting a finger!! ...for him!!

I''ll clean up after myself - do my own washing!!

And see where this gets me!

...does anybody have any advice?

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View entire thread: unappreciated and overworked

Posted by sjkmaurice on 2005-06-07 08:13:22      Post Subject:

I had a boyfriend that had chores to do after school every day and if they weren't done by the time his parents came home, he was grounded the next day. There were four kids 9-18 at the time and they all had stuff to do. It didn't take usually more than 20-30 minutes or so, but I swear their house was the cleanest I'd ever been in. You'd never know they had four kids.

I guess my point is, divvy up them chores! You'll have more time for yourself. I also don't believe that if you are a SAHM and your husband works, that means he can come home and sit down and do nothing for the rest of the night (which my husband tries). I mean, we get up at the same time, so why should his day end at 5 and mine end at 10 because no one's helping me? I don't make him wash the floors or do the laundry, but he can help with dinner, run to the store, take out the trash and entertain the kids if needed.

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View entire thread: unappreciated and overworked

Posted by girlsavage on 2005-06-07 07:54:47      Post Subject:

When I was a kid every once and a while my mom would go on strike. There were 5 of us kids and I know between most of us and my dad we didn't realize how much she did do. But boy oh boy, when she would go on strike we would realize how much she did do. Chores got divided up and they got done. We ended up having a rule that on Saturday morning before we could go out with our friends we had to do our work at home first. Each kid got a room, the smaller of us paired up. Mom would still do most of the laundry and cooking until I got old enough to start cooking and tall enough to reach the washing machine. After dinner every night it was up to a different pair of kids to wash and dry the dishes. If anyone wanted out of their job they had to pay another kid or trade chores for another day.
This worked out most of the time. We slacked evryonce and a while and mom would strike again. You really notice how much mom does when you run out of clean underwhear! LOL. Now I go on strike with my husband every once and a while. I don't have to too often since he has jobs I expect him to do, like the litter box, garbage and recycling. This week I hadn't done dishes in 3 days except what I needed when I needed it. I came home yesturday and the dishes were done and the living room had been swept!

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View entire thread: Feminist Home Economics-What did you learn?

Posted by microsinger on 2005-07-25 14:26:36      Post Subject: Added to the poll :)

Thanks for the insightful reply. I have considered the complications of a home ec class without gender bias. I admit it is a tall order. I guess in my current living situation it usually works out becuase my boyfriend prefers the outdoor "manly" chores and I prefer the indoor ones. But in a pinch he can cook and I can mow the lawn. Things are pretty even for us but I know its not like that everywhere.

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View entire thread: Moving into my first apartment!

Posted by baltica on 2005-02-07 12:32:41      Post Subject:

Talk to your landlord to see what you need to turn on as far as utilities go, and what he/she will take care of (if anything). These things can take a few days to set up sometimes.

Don't lose your copy of the lease. Keep a file folder of this and other important documents.

Establish a schedule (even a really loose one) for housecleaning and other chores with your boyfriend.

Give each other space (mental and physical). It's a big adjustment.

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View entire thread: Feminist Home Economics-What did you learn?

Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-07-25 19:46:48      Post Subject:

I wish my parents...or someone had taken the time to teach me how to manage my finances better.
But...they DID teach me how to work as a team. It has taken me years to get my husband to take the team approach as opposed to my doing EVERYTHING just because I'm a SAHM. He still needs a lot of work. : P
But at least I can get him to work with me in the garden now. I'm still working on him with household chores!
Anyway....my parents worked together to get things done, from household cleaning to painting the house, to gardening. Whatever needed doing.
They both also taught me to be a pretty competant do-it-yourselfer. I do just about any kind of household repair. I keep the plumbing and electrical to the pros, though!

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View entire thread: Housecleaning

Posted by Pokey on 2007-06-18 11:21:25      Post Subject:

I have a similar problem with my spouse. He thinks I'm "neurotic" because I think a bathroom needs cleaning every week, etc.
We have lived together for 7 years, and I definetly do more housework than he does.
However, we have somewhat of a schedule set up.
I clean one week, he cleans the next.
This works okay, but it's not perfect. A friend I work with, got so frustrated with her husband that she made a list of chores that each of them is responsible for on each day of the week.
I'll try and get a copy to post.

Oh, and if my spouse procrastinates too long in between chores, I withold sex.

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View entire thread: Feminist Home Economics-What did you learn?

Posted by brdgt on 2005-07-25 14:50:40      Post Subject:

I learned a lot from my mother and grandmother but the real test was cohabitation. My husband grew up in a household where chores were split 50/50 and not along gender lines (his mom mowed the lawn, his dad did the dishes) and I learned a lot when I had someone else's opinions interjected into my domestic routine: "why do you use that brand? why don't we try this one and see if we like it?" and you know what, it was better. I realized that a lot of my routine was just blind repetition of what my mother did and not necessarily what worked for us. My husband learned the same thing. Now we do some things that we were brought up doing, but a lot of things we figured out on our own too. We are also both crafty people who like to be self sufficient, so we've learned a lot by trial and error and not wanting to bother the maintence man, who won't come for a week anyway...

I think I keep a pretty good home, especially when my mother in-law visited a few weeks ago and couldn't stop complimenting me on my decorating, most of it DIY :)

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View entire thread: Daddy involvement level (long)

Posted by CraftinFool on 2005-11-15 08:35:39      Post Subject: Daddy involvement level (long)

Hi all - needing a big time reality check from all the moms in the house.

A little background: I'm 32, hubby is 38. We have one daughter, 4 mo. old. The delivery was early and nightmarish and through it all he was great, and now things have settled down, and right now I’m feeling like he’s not as involved as I want him to be. I’m trying to figure out if my expectations are reasonable.

This morning, I was trimming her nails AGAIN, b/c she’s been scratching up her face even though I trim them constantly. For like the fifth time, he said we should get an emery board and file the corners. He says it in that way where it’s supposedly a comment, but what it really means is, “Isn’t it time you bought an emery board and filed her nails already?” and I got pretty irritated and said, “You keep bringing up this emery board thing. If you are convinced that is what we should do, why don’t you go buy one instead of keep bringing it up? Why is this MY charge??” I thought about this for a long time this morning and am trying to figure out what bothered me so much about this fingernail argument business.

We have generally been pretty equitable about things like chores, etc and aren’t restricted to traditional social roles for ex, he often does the cooking and I take care of finances. But with the new baby it seems like that's out the window and suddenly mom is in charge of all things house and baby, though we both work full time and I'm also a part-time grad student.

I bring her to/from daycare, do all her laundry, most of her feedings (including the middle of the night ones), all her baths and clipping nails, take her to all her dr apts, and do all her shopping. I'd also say I do most of the stuff around the house. I’m not saying he does nothing, but since the baby has come along he's doing far less taking care of her than I'd have expected, and a lot less around the house than he used to. Granted, there are a few factors out of his control, like the fact that Oct-Dec is his busiest time at work. But that doesn’t account for all of it.

What bothers me most is I don't feel like he’s super engaged with her. I mean, he adores her, but his idea of spending time with her is having her fall asleep on his chest while he watches tv. This is OK sometimes, but not all the time. I do things with her like reading books and playing on the playmat and showing her toys, but he hardly ever does.

Did you go thru this? How involved is/was your partner with the kids, both chore wise and for playtime? Did you have a confrontation?

He’s also stubborn and can be defensive, so anything that comes across accusatory/nagging doesn’t work. The only thing that ever worked with him is ultimatums (“if you don’t get me your cousin’s address for our wedding invitations by Sat, you’re buying me those speakers.” Worked like a charm) – but that doesn’t seem appropriate in this situation.

I've been really patient and held my tongue, hoping it would resolve itself and that he was taking longer to transition into the parent role than I did (it was absolutely seamless for me, luckily, and I suppose maybe it’s just not coming as easily for him). Are we just in a time where men still don;t feel they have to bear even close to an equal amount with the child rearing? How does this change?? Argh!

thanks...

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View entire thread: the key to blissful cohabitation is?

Posted by xuli on 2005-04-21 09:50:34      Post Subject:

A calendar of chores -- and sticking to it!

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View entire thread: overkill but would be nice in the house

Posted by fairgreenlady on 2005-09-28 11:39:55      Post Subject: overkill but would be nice in the house

Reading the balancing crafts/chores thread made me think of this topic. I was reading the laundry tips and recalled something that I would really really want if I could have anything I wanted (well, maids to do it all, yes, but aside from that...)

I want 3 washers and dryers in a gigantic laundry room. When we were living in an apt, I could get the laundry done in 1 hour, 15 min in one day. Why? I went to a laundromat where I could use as many washers and dryers as I needed at one time! Boom, boom, boom, it was done.

Now, I have to wait for one load to wash before starting another. Try and remember to put the first load in the dryer. Then the second load is done washing and oops! The first one isn't quite dry yet...back it goes. Such a lot of hurry up and wait!

What do you want?

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View entire thread: How to motivate my bf to help home

Posted by Gluey on 2005-07-21 13:14:22      Post Subject:

Tell him that when he helps you cook and clean it turns you on... and that if he pitches in on chores, you'll have much more time and energy to make out.

My boyfriend just asked me what I thought the most romantic thing he ever did for me was.
I told him, "When you surprise me by cleaning the house."
He seemed confused.
"Really?, " he asked.
"Yes."

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View entire thread: Cleaning and You

Posted by for_esme on 2005-10-06 22:29:25      Post Subject:

well, it's just me and my boyfriend and we're pretty lax when it comes to cleaning. but here's our (rough) schedule anyways:

every day:
make bed (ha?)
do the dishes (we don't have a dishwasher... this is the only daily non-negotiable i have)

weekly:
vacuum
clean bathroom
clean kitchen
dust
laundry
(sometimes these things turn into bi-weekly affairs, oops!)

monthly (or when people are coming over):
clean up clutter
organize books
mop the floors

i usually do laundry on a day that i can devote to television watching or reading, since for some reason it seems to eat up a lot of my time waiting around for the machines to end their cycles (we have to use the apartment's shared laundry facility).

i do always clean up more when i know we have guests coming over, but i'm trying lately to be less anal about the cleaning chores... sometimes homework and cuddling are just more important to us busy students!

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View entire thread: Cleaning and You

Posted by microsinger on 2005-10-07 12:39:54      Post Subject:

When I am on the downward slope, I tend to let things go in favor of doing fun things or just being lazy. When I am on the uphill climb and by that I mean I have been busy, lazy, or just plain bad, I have to start small with the things that are the "closest" to me. That means my purse, which I carry life in, my car which I spend about 1 hour and 10 minutes in, and my bedside area which is my haven of peace and quiet away from the rest of the house. If I get those things straightened up I am much more likely to tackle some larger projects in the rest of the house. I think I have sort of a weight watchers approach to cleaning and organizing. It really is the little things that you do that make a difference. I always throw away junk mail and the envelopes bills come in immediately; I use homemade cleaning wipes to wipe down the sink every day or so while I brush my teeth. Or I straighten the bottles and potions in there. We are pretty lax on major chores and don't really have a schedule. Just do them either when company's coming or it grosses you out. I have often thought about setting up a 'sidework' sheet for doing stuff but I know we'll just do it whenever anyway, so I don't bother. I guess I just lowered my standards once my kids weren't crawling anymore.

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View entire thread: How to motivate my bf to help home

Posted by DJules on 2005-07-15 09:28:05      Post Subject:

If you are planning on eventually moving in together, I would definitely talk about this before it happens.

One thing to talk about is what the expectations were when you were both growing up. My husband and I struggle with this because while neither of us thinks we should fall in line with gender roles, we also grew up in very traditional households as far as gender roles were concerned, and tend to fall into them without really thinking about it - even though in theory we both want a fair division of household chores.

And doing things like helping with the dishes is just being a good guest - especially if you are a regular guest. Maybe talk about it before it happens, before he ever comes over - maybe that will help you stay calm.

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View entire thread: hubby to spend a weekend with his kids w/o me

Posted by the wire whisk on 2005-08-13 15:09:17      Post Subject:

thanks for all the advice. just needed to be told that it's perfectly fine for my husband to spend the weekend with his kids without me being included considering what has happened.

i know that there is no justifiable excuse for me "thrashing"(as in throwing things at my husband) my house. i just erupted (but not once did i include the kids in the argument). that was the day that my husband was at a dinner party at his mother's house in the snottiest suburb in CT/USA/world (which i did not attend since my hubby's mom could not seem to get over the fact that her daughter-in-law is the same race as her housekeeper's (that's another story) and he came home with his kids. now his kids are high maintainance and grew up accustomed to having someone clean up after them. i have been functioning as a maid every weekend without the parental authority to impose discipline. i just wanted a day off from all the mania and demands (like any other maid). if only i could afford to hire a helper to do the chores, i will. the mom was recently jailed because she left the 12yo daughter at a parking lot when the child threw a fit when she did not get the outfit she wanted. if it's difficult for their mom, it is doubly difficult for me who is still struggling to be accepted.

Moral of the story is think twice before getting oneself involve with a blended family because it is so much more difficult and the risks of failure
are high.

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View entire thread: Cleaning and You

Posted by hellparadiso on 2005-10-07 13:01:59      Post Subject:

microsinger - What a terrific idea about cleaning the areas "closest to you." I spend at least two hours a day in my car, and my bedside table is always a mess, and I'm a sucker for huge purses, which, of course, means that I'm surrounded by crap all day long.

First of all, every month or so we'll try to fill one Rubbermaid with stuff to sell or donate. Then, once a year, when we have around 12 boxes in our garage, we'll have a sale or a trip to Goodwill. We practice "replacement therapy," meaning that everytime one of us buys a new shirt or a pair of shoes, we get rid of one that we already have. This keeps us from getting overloaded with stuff.

We used to have friends over every Saturday night, so we would spend all day Saturday with loud music or an action movie on and clean, clean, clean. However, now that our friends aren't coming over as often anymore, we're slipping quite a bit.

In essence, instead of devoting one full day to cleaning anymore, we each try to do a little bit everyday. Whenever our desk our kitchen counter gets overloaded with crap, one of us will just have a fifteen-minute "throwing away party." Whenever my daughter has a bath (every other day or so), I'll do a five-minute wipe-down of the bathroom (as long as I'm in there, not doing anything). Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep, I do the dishes or throw in a load of laundry. Also, we'll divide and conquer individual chores - I love doing laundry, but I HATE putting it away when I'm done folding it, so my husband does that part. The most important part to us though is looking like we're having a lot of fun when we clean. We'll dance and sing while we're vacuuming, we'll haul trash bags to the street with a jaunt in our step, etc. This means that our daughter, who is intently watching our every move anyway, realizes how much fun it can be to put her toys away at night.

This is awesome.

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View entire thread: unappreciated and overworked

Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-06-08 01:00:18      Post Subject:

Talking to my DH and kids about this stuff is like talking to a stair post. My DH has gotten only slightly better as of late, but no huge improvement.
And his lack of help doesn't exactly inspire the kids to pitch in. I have no one to back me up on being consistant with chores.

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View entire thread: they want to watch it again and again....

Posted by xuli on 2005-12-12 20:18:34      Post Subject:

My middle brother went through a phase where for SIX MONTHS (I do not exaggerate) he only wanted us to read him The Cat in the Hat Came Back. One of my key chores that year (I was 12) involved reading him that book several times a day. I can still recite it from memory.

This was no time for play
this was no time for fun
this was no time for games
there was work to be done

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View entire thread: No SEX? What?

Posted by elixirbeth on 2007-01-24 18:14:59      Post Subject:

My partner and I have been together for nearly four years, and have had a long distance relationship for two separate stints.

Over the first period we spent apart, we screwed like teenagers whenever we saw eachother. We would go our separate ways after a long weekend feeling sore, but still longing for eachother.

Then we moved in together. I had HORRIBLE full time job and went to school at night. He had a 2 hour commute to and from work. TRANSLATION: Sunday morning sex was all we could handle. And only after breakfast and a stiff drink.

During our second separation, things got really tense. I felt deserted (left alone with my shitty job and night school), he was lonely. He would come back to our home for a long weekend, and I would feel like, "Hey this is my crib now. I'm used to living alone/single and I rather like it. Back off, BUD."

Now we're back together and try to have a regular rhythm of 3 times per week, but that usually doesn't happen because of work, chores, friends, "recreational activities", etc... It probably rounds out to twice a week.

I guess all I'm saying is that there are so many factors that have affected our sexual relationship/intimacy over the years... It feels like a constant struggle to balance my personal and professional life.

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View entire thread: unappreciated and overworked

Posted by MRSM103 on 2005-06-07 18:23:07      Post Subject:

Thanks brdgt!!

I do divvy up the chores to the kids and my hubby but the problem is that I have to constantly nag and remind them to do it!! Its really frustrating. I get so upset sometimes that I just do it all because Im so sick of ranting and raving like a lunatic. Now I admit, I am a neat freak. I actually feel nervous when the house is a mess. I take a whole lot of pride in my house and the way it looks. I wish my family would! And of course now that its summer I have the lawn and the shrubs, flowers etc. to tend to too. Im exhausted!! (I work full time too)
Thanks for letting me complain.

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View entire thread: the key to blissful cohabitation is?

Posted by jennjitsu on 2005-04-28 13:50:14      Post Subject:

Amen on the communication! We talk about what we like in our relationship a lot. I think our favorite rule is "Agree to disagree." I've posted about it before, that my husband and I are very different politcally and in a lot of ways morally, but we allow each other the freedom to have an opinion and we respect that.

Also, NO PEDESTALS! Don't put your partner on this gilded pedestal that is too high and shiny for them to maintain. Expect mess-ups and expect things to be lost in translation. Don't be afraid to tell them when something didn't go over well, and don't let them be afraid to tell you the same.

As far as chores and things, I feel that since I do not have the main money job, I am the one who has more time to keep things up around the house. It doesn't bother me because it has to be done and since I'm the one with all the free time, it just makes sense. If I do need help or can't do everything, all I have to do is ask him and he will gladly give me a hand.

I agree with the humor thing! If I couldn't laugh at myself or at some of the situations we find ourselves in, we'd be doomed!

Jenn

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View entire thread: spring cleaning?

Posted by rocket helene on 2006-05-05 17:16:57      Post Subject:

Craftinfool,
your idea of a twin is exactly what I dream of!
My twin would go to work and I'd stay, not the slightest bit discontent of my fate.
I sometimes think we get our salary in exchange of hours of liberty at home (not to mention of wandering outside, and of meeting people we love, so that the list is complete).
If another me was taking care of the business at www.emeryetcie.com while I'd be concentrating on household matters, with good music or good silence, mmmmmmm this sounds too good to be true!

This spring cleaning thread brings something else to the surface... When, months ago, my Bf talked to me about paying someone to get the apprtmt clean, so that we could spend more iddle time, I got the "chair de poule", i.e. french expression for pimples. I replied very calmly without elaborating, but I was fuming. He probably could sense that, because he's never made the suggestion again. I don't want someone else to sort our mess or do the chores we're too lazy to undertake regularly. We are physically apt and can find the time to do it. But he sees this as a big sea battle which has to be fought only about twice yearly. Is he even conscious of what I do everyday so that we are not overflowed by disorder and dirt? I guess no. I'd like him to progressively ENJOY taking care of our place. Why ? Because I'd like to share that with him.
I love bringing things to a better state. Even if you are ill-tempered while doing it, there is bliss afterwards. Cleaning and ordering make you discover where lost and forgotten objects were lurking. It can also help you understand scientific facts or witness natural phenomenons! If you do it yourself, you decide and opt for healthy changes or interesting new organization/decoration. That can never happen if you delegate, if you think you're better than that.
One last thought : those who never work for their home (none of you my dear getcrafties ;-) assume that chores get you rid of black ideas, sentimental crisis or anxieties. I say this is nonsense! The kitchen sink is a place where one cannot help but think! And sometimes so profoundly you forget you're doing the dishes. That is exactly the contrary of the popular assumption that home duties a broken heart can mend. They trigger furious thoughts and philosophical reasoning, not a numb state of mind.

ahem, maybe this is a bit over the top?

love to you all

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View entire thread: unappreciated and overworked

Posted by CraftyChicaAZ on 2005-06-08 01:20:09      Post Subject:

my husband and i split a lot of the chores, but i still feel like i get the brunt of it. he does the top layer cleaning and if i bitch enough i can get thekids to do the second layer cleaning.

but it's always me that has to get in all the grooves, reach the bottom of the laundry pile, etc.

and heck yah - i've gone on strike! it's the only way to freak everyone out to get their butts in gear. my husband always says, "if mommy is not happy, No ONE is happy!"

my first strike lasted about six days before they noticed something was up (duh!). they were literally rewashing dishes from the sink to have plates and forks to use. when the garbage bin was full, instead of changing it, they used grocery bags. they stepped over stuff in the hallway. *finally* it clicked when i left to the movies by myself (slammed the door on my way out) and i came home and everything was SPOT-less!

now my strikes last a day. but one time my husband went on strike for a day and it made me appreciate what he does too! we are a weird family, i know!

and mrsm103: do go a strike for a day, pamper yourself to a movie or spa treatment or read a good book at a coffeehouse. if they say something, tell them what you are doing and why you are doing it. regardless, you deserve quality time for yourself more than once a year!

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View entire thread: Housecleaning

Posted by brdgt on 2007-06-21 13:04:17      Post Subject:

Even though we share chores evenly and discuss them openly I have just recently noticed that when I've mentioned something about gender equity (like, I was just reading Ellen Bravo's Taking on the Big Boys: Or Why Feminism Is Good for Families, Business, and the Nation and would mention things from it in dinner conversation) all of a sudden there is practically nothing for me to do around the house. I don't think he would admit it, but perhaps he's feeling a little guilty that he might not practice what he preaches. Certainly a different approach than withholding sex, at least!

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View entire thread: The laundry

Posted by picapica on 2005-05-26 15:43:02      Post Subject:



The biggest problem I've solved was my boy's white socks. .


I hate his socks. I really do. My boy has the same plan - they are all white they don't need to match more than this. And he has some thing about being unable to throw away socks with giant holes in them (he has a weird walking pattern that wears holes in the socks much faster than a normal human). About two times a year I go on a purge and try to take the bad ones away from him and buy him a nice new shiny set of white socks (crew length) but the never quite match the old ones and somehow he finds them again drags them out of the trash/dust rag box to wear again! I never thought socks would be this big of a deal. And who told him it was okay to wear white socks with black dress shoes? Sorry for the hijack, this just tipped me off.

This tread is making me realized what a poor laundry doer I am, and it's going to get worse once we have this baby. But strangely enough, laundery is one of the chores I don't mind doing and I'd do it more if our washer and dryer weren't in the basement! If only I could have the lovely charm of older houses/apartments (rentals) with more modern ideas about laundry rooms.

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View entire thread: How do you balance craftiness and housework?

Posted by brdgt on 2005-09-26 15:10:18      Post Subject:

My husband and I split chores evenly - that helps a lot.

We also have our own offices - space to be creative without the tv in the room or someone trying to sleep in.

I am a rather orderly person, so this may not work for everyone, but I find organizing to be a crafty activity - how am I going to organize all these knitting magazines? Well, I can take out just the patterns I want and put them in decorated binders... or decorate some magazine holders for the ones I want to keep the entire issue of...

Sure, this doesn't work for everything (you've got me on how to make dishwashing crafty) but enough to make everyday chores a way to make my life more colorful.

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View entire thread: It's almost gardening season!

Posted by pudding on 2005-02-24 06:23:05      Post Subject:

When I read the title of this thread I immediately thought "Yippee!" then I realised I live in the southern hemisphere and I have a just lovely organic garden growing right outside my window! In fact, you could say that prime growing time is almost over for me except that I live in a lovely temperate area where I can grow beans, potatoes, broccoli, onions etc. right through winter.

This was my first spring/summer in my own home, after years of renting, and the first thing I did here was dig a lovely, large garden. I've just finished my "summer" vegie gardening - for the last few months we have gorged on cherry tomatoes, corn, eggplant, capsicums, silverbeet and lettuce.

I've just planted borlotti beans, snake beans, potatoes, roquette, lettuces and more silverbeet for autumn/winter. I also planted two tomato plants as an experiment, to see how far into autumn I can still get tomatoes.

I also have a herb garden - it's about 2msq. My aim is to pack every type of herb I can find into it. It's very beautiful and always full of bees and dwarf tree frogs who live in the leaves of my artichoke plants.

I have lots of different fruit trees, an olive tree and lots of Australian native bush food plants, which my dad helped me to plant over the summer.

I love my garden!!!!!!

I think the idea of posting photos is great - I'd love to see everyone's gardens!! I also wanted to suggest looking for gardening magazines local to your area - I read ones called Gardening Australia and Organic Gardener. Magazines are good because each issue tends to focus on seasonal plants / chores etc. I also rely on my dad for a lot of advice - it's good to have someone to discuss things with.

PS - thanks for the You Grow Girl recommendation!

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View entire thread: Advice on Slacker Nephew

Posted by lu-lu-gee on 2005-09-15 18:03:15      Post Subject:

OMG... thanks everyone for the great advice! Right now, I'm so angry at this child (because, after all, that IS what he is acting like!) that I could scream.

I have a chore chart that has a list of chores my two older ones and my hubby's nephew have to do. He refused to take the garbage can to the curb and back (being garbage day and all) and I called him on it. Basically, he's like, "whatever, bitch" and I told him if all he wanted to do is sleep until noon and play on the computer until 3 AM, he can do it at his mom's house. Then I told him he had his two week period to straighten up or pack, and he acts as if I've said nothing at all!

Tonight, my hubby (tired or not) HAS to talk to him or I might end up calling the cops to escort him out, period, end of it. Thank you ALL for giving this girls balls!

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View entire thread: Men We Love

Posted by illybang on 2005-08-05 10:04:00      Post Subject:

Johnny Depp but only in Pirates of the Carribean mode.

AND CRYBABY!!!!!



dane cook! for being so hilarious. i have watched his DVD 7 times and i still cry laughing
christian bale for being perfectly beautiful
bruce willis for being plain out gorgeous and taking this thing with demi and ashton so well

*not famous, but... my new boy for bringing me flowers, doing A LOT of household chores in exchange for me cooking dinner, surprising me with gifts that aren't necessarily expensive but he knows it's something i'll adore, and for agreeing that if it were possible for the man to be pregnant he would carry my child (haha)

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View entire thread: Recipes

Posted by artgeek on 2006-11-14 07:27:41      Post Subject:

I also have a recipe.

Poultry Soup

This soup is easy, because you can use whatever you have on hand. I call it 'poultry soup' because I use whatever carcasses I have on hand. If you live in a farm area or you just had a turkey, feel free to experiment! I've used duck, goose and pheasant carcasses and they tasted delicious! If, like me, you put uneaten or uncooked wings, necks and gizzards in the freezer, here's where you can use them. They deepen the flavor of the stock. I've also been known to throw in leftover stuffing, which thickens the soup nicely and helps to extend it for large groups.

2-3 poultry carcasses (save your poultry carcasses in the freezer for this soup, or buy carcasses from your local farmer's market- I buy mine from Quattro's Wild Poultry Farm at my Greenmarket)
2 chicken breasts or 1 turkey breast, chopped (I use leftovers)
4-5 carrots, peeled and cut into coins
1 cup of peas, broccoli, or whatever other green vegetable you have on hand
1 cup chopped onion
4-5 cloves chopped garlic
1/4 pound sliced mushroom tops (reserve the stems for chopping and cooking with onions; you can use them in stuffings and other soups)
1 cup of dry white wine for every 3 cups of water (optional)
1 large container of low-salt chicken stock
2 bay leaves
1 handful of fresh parsley, chopped, or 2 tablespoons parsley flakes
As much water as is needed to cover the carcasses
2 dried red peppers or 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 celery stalks, chopped
salt to taste

Put all of the ingredients in a large pot and cook on medium heat until water begins to simmer. Turn down to low-medium heat and simmer, covered, for 1 1/2-2 hours. Serve with buttered and toasted crusty French bread (see below). This is a good soup for lunches- pack it in a lunch with half a sandwich and you'll have hearty eating.

You can add herbs such as tarragon, sage, and oregano to this soup. I pop in a bouquet garni (a tied mixture of fresh soup herbs) whenever I make this, and sometimes I start it at low heat and leave the soup on the back of the stove all day while I craft or do chores. Wine deepens the flavor and makes it just that more tasty. If you have a large family, you might want to make dumplings and cook them in the soup- that will extend your soup even more.

Helpful hint- always make the largest possible soup you can. Soup is great for unexpected guests- you can freeze soup in quart-sized freezer bags so that you'll always have several portions of soup on hand. Then all you have to add is bread.

Fast Garlic Toast

1 loaf French or Italian bread
4 tablespoons softened butter
3 cloves finely chopped garlic or 1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon parsley flakes

Mix butter, garlic and parsley together with a spoon or mixer. Cut the loaf crossways down the middle. Slather the butter mixture on both halves. Put the bread back together and cut it into 3" lengths. Wrap the whole thing up in aluminum foil and heat at 350# for 10 minutes, or lay the bread sections, butter side up, on a cookie sheet and toast in the oven until slightly brown and crispy. Serve immediately.

Just moving anthrogirl's recipe over here...

I'm really excited by the quality of submissions and the thought that's gone into them so far. Keep it up :D

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View entire thread: The Pointless Quiz! vs 12.8

Posted by Katrin on 2004-07-11 15:26:19      Post Subject:

Last song you danced to in public?
Don't know the name of the song or artist, but it was something really cool on one of our in-store tapes at work. I was dancing to stay awake, since I'd been up since 3:30am.

Your least favorite household chore?
Picking up all the clutter and junk and finding a place to put it, which has to be done before any other less odious chores can be started.

How many magazines do you subscribe to?
None. I buy too many off the newsstand.

Which would you rather be, rich or famous?
As a kid, I would have said "famous" in a heartbeat. Now, definitely rich. The idea of actual fame gives me the heebie-jeebies.

VW Bug, or Mini Cooper?
Either. You could probably fit more stuff in a Bug.

Paris, or Rome?
Both, please. If I have to pick just one, I guess Rome 'cause I can speak a little Italian.

Thing on your to-do list that you're putting off:
That chore and all the others after it.

Getting any lately?
Yeah, but not enough.

What's your secret super power?
The ability to correct everyone's spelling, whether they ask me to or not.

What is your birth order in the family?
Oldest of three girls.

Corey Haim or Corey Feldman?
The Coreys only function as an awesome vampire-ass-kicking team.

what are you having/did you have for lunch?
Stale old chicken wings. I want real food.

What are you doing tonight?
Ordering in dinner and watching the DVD that the hubby just bought.

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View entire thread: Help us gear up for baby!

Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-06-09 07:06:51      Post Subject:

How exciting! I always loved the nesting phase of pregnancy
.....all those sweet little clothes and decorating!
I'd second the journal idea. We write down the funny and amazing stuff (and all those little milestones) our boys say or do and it's so much fun to read years later!
A baby carrier w/ good head support. There's so much you can do while toting your wee one with you. And later on, graduate to a backpack-style carrier. Both my boys loved looking over my shoulder to see what I was doing, and they were right at the same height as me, so I could chatter away at them while I was doing my chores. AND you build up really great quadriceps and develop amazing balance from having to squat with a load on your back!
I've used Burt's Bee Baby Bee soap w/ both my boys. 1 bar lasts a really long time. Their Baby Bee creme for moisturizing is absolutely divine! It always made my boys smell like little pastries and I couldn't stop smelling them! (and getting really hungry for doughnuts!!)

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View entire thread: engaged, but dont want to get married...

Posted by Jan1311 on 2006-01-05 14:18:02      Post Subject:

kissmyknitz, you are very wise. The title of the topic said it all: "don't want to get married". If you don't want it for whatever reason, don't do it. We already have to do plenty of stuff we don't want to, like run errands, go to work, do chores, why do more if you don't have to?

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View entire thread: (original post deleted for privacy)

Posted by Miepshe11 on 2004-12-05 21:10:27      Post Subject:

I read all the posts, and one thing came up in my mind that no one really asked. How old are your cats? Cats can live a long time, but most average about 15 years or so. If your cats are 5 to 10 years old or more, they aren't going to be around too much longer. Maybe a compromise would be no more cats. I know you love your kitties, and I love mine too, but the sad fact is they don't live forever. I would hate to think of my kitties spending their last few years in a shelter, trying to understand why I didn't love them anymore. Sorry, I'm a bit over-sentimental, but it just might break your heart to give them up, no matter how logical it may seem.

Also- your boyfriend mostly seems to dislike the responsibility of cats, such as not leaving water glasses out and not being able to jet off to Europe. How is he about other responsibilities? I know he does chores and such, but it sounds like he wants to live the young, bachelor life. Are your cats tying him down, or are you? So I guess another question is, how old is your boyfriend? Another question might be, are you hoping to marry him? Just some things to think about, that you've probably already thought of.
Usually you should follow your heart, but your gut gives pretty good advice too.
Good luck!

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View entire thread: Lost

Posted by cannibalsandwich on 2005-05-25 19:50:19      Post Subject:

Is everyone else nervously planning their evening? Let's see, make dinner, do chores at sister's house. Yikes! Only two hours.

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View entire thread: trading spouses, please read!

Posted by becca_13 on 2005-01-11 09:03:28      Post Subject:

i love that show! the bayou episode was by far the best one ever. they do tend to portray the creative or unusual families as families with faults but full of love. however if you sleep in until 10am, refuse to do chores, or are bullheaded they tend to skewer you.

i would totally say go for it! it is a great opportunity to make money (plus your hubby can "suggest" how important $ for college is to the "new mom") and it seems like it might be fun.

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View entire thread: How do you balance craftiness and housework?

Posted by hellparadiso on 2005-10-07 14:52:22      Post Subject:

Stuff gets done everyday in my house. Typically, it depends on what REALLY needs it, and we prioritize based on what we're just sick of seeing. If we're sick of walking into the kitchen and seeing the dishes overflowing out of the sink, we do the dishes. Usually, when I get home from work, my husband takes a nap before going to work, so I have some spare time. The baby goes into the highchair for dinner, Sesame Street goes on the TV, and I try to do one or two of the big prioritized things while she's eating. When she's done, I stop, and I play with her for a while.

Once she goes to bed, and my husband goes to work, that's when I sit down and craft. Typically, my adrenaline is rushing from getting the chores done and playing with the baby, so I don't have much of a problem staying awake, and it's really nice to have NO distractions whatsoever.

Basically, I look at it like this: when I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to talk on the phone, watch TV, go anywhere or play video games until my homework was done, even on Fridays. This was "totally unfair" at the time, but soon I came to relish in the fact that when I was done with the work, I had the rest of the day to do whatever I wanted, without that looming, "I still have to do..." feeling in the back of my head. I apply that same concept to my crafting. It's like my reward for doing what I needed to do that day.

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View entire thread: How do you balance craftiness and housework?

Posted by delqc on 2005-09-16 09:26:16      Post Subject: Re: How do you balance craftiness and housework?

My fiance and I share a very small house and I find I spend most of my free time catching up on cleaning and such and before you know it there's not much time left for me and my art. I do set aside time but I find I can't really get into stuff unless my area (hence the house) is neat and clean. But it's a constant battle.

Holy crow, are you me?!?! (except I'm not engaged!!!)

Our lives are complicated further still by the fact that we live in two places (in a small apt in the city during the week and at a cottage in the country on the weekends), and the fact that I'm taking courses and the Special Boy trains heavily for a competitive sport.

We're still working on this challenge but getting better. A couple of things that have worked well for us is having a routine. Like, everymorning the Special Boy makes breakfast, and I make the bed, and work on laundry. Then we eat together. This time is usually adequate to keep us in clean clothes. He also cooks more often during the week than I do, and while he cooks I usually do other chores like pay bills/paperwork, vacuum, clean the bathroom, etcetera. And while he's training, I'm usually crafting or studying (crafting my brain!). Generally it works out. It falls apart sometimes when I cook, and he has to do a chore other than cooking. He's really not very handy, and he just gets distracted. Like the other night we were putting up shelves, and he spent 10 minutes trying to find a stud. He finally threw the stud-finder away in disgust. I found two in less than a minute. He's better at cooking, and I'm better at working with my hands in other ways. So we try to split up the work along those lines as much as we can.

I also have mostly accepted that I'm happier if there's soapscum on my tub, but I have an hour to kick back and craft. I don't always succeed in letting things go, but it does make me happier when I do.

We have thought of hiring a cleaning person, but our biggest problem is not putting away clutter, and I don't think we could afford someone 24-7 to pick up after us!

del

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View entire thread: Colonial house on PBS

Posted by Jenny on 2004-05-19 06:56:24      Post Subject:

I wasn't home Monday night so I missed the first episode as it aired here, but I did see the Oprah show in question and then I watched for the first time last night.

I love watching these kind of shows because it reminds me never to whine about having to load the freakin' dishwasher or dust or vaccum or scrub the shower. All the chores we do today are childsplay comared to how hard it was to survive back then (even by 1800 House standards, you know?)

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View entire thread: thinking about homeschooling

Posted by go-fish on 2005-06-15 11:28:46      Post Subject:

I unschool my oldest daughter, who is 11. My youngest in in public school by choice (hers, not mine or my husband's.)
I doubt any of the good people here on getcrafty will flame me for this, but we don't use curriculum at all.
Unschooling is basically, as I understand it, an approach that allows for the child to learn what they naturally gravitate towards. It requires a good deal of trust in both yourself (as teacher) and in the child.
One of the questions that I ask people when I am talking to them about unschooling is, "What do you SPECIFICALLY remember from your years in elementary/(and even) secondary school?" Often people chuckle nervously and look off into the distance. Usually people don't have a long list of academic acheivements that they tell me about; more often it is something about the socialization. The point being we remember that information which is applicable in our lives. At our house, we focus on building up Alice's (and Opal's, even though I don't have her during the school day) strengths, so that she will excel in those fields. I do not spend much time trying to reinforce her in her areas of weakness. My experience tells me that she will not pursue a career in an area that she is weak in. By weak, I mean uninterested. She is not interested in certain subjects and therefore she is unmotivated to learn those subjects and time we spend on them is often time wasted, time spent looking out the window.

One of the premises of unschooling is that you answer EVERY QUESTION THE CHILD ASKS, to the best of your ability. If you can't answer it, you help the child seek out the answer. The information the child receives this way is information retained! I have seen it again and again! When a person is ready to learn something, when they are naturally receptive, they seek that info out (if they have prior experience with their questions being answered.) For example, when a kid is ready to read, they learn how to read so quickly it boggles, and if they are learning to read "late" they often shoot right up to the reading level of their peers within a year. This happened in the case of my youngest. We kept checking in with her to see if she was ready to start reading, and she didn't take us up on it until she was 6 and a half, maybe almost seven. It was frustrating, but I tried not to compare her to other kids, and most importantly, I trusted her to let me know when she was able to develop that skill! Sure enough, within one year of learning to read, she was reading at a 6th grade level.
If a child is supported in asking questions (by having them answered), she will keep asking. If a child doesn't get answers to her questions than over time she will learn it is pointless to ask, and her natural curiosity will be supressed.

We do have to work on basic math. Granted, lots of math comes up in daily life, but we have needed to test them on the basic math facts. We do not focus on advanced maths though.

I have to say that as far as socialization goes, we do notice a huge difference between home/unschooled kids and public school kids. The homeschool kids usually seem "different" and they are. My kids are a bit awkward in the society of their peers. They are missing massive cultural cues, and it is expounded by the fact that we don't watch commercial television. This might bother me more if I felt that they were missing a lot, but let's face it, mediocracy is the standard, at least in the community that I live in, and if they are not average it is okay with me. Of course, it means they are a little lonely. I am lonely too sometimes, and I went through public school!

my daughter wants to be a librarian, and we have a plan for her continuing education that involves getting her into college two years early. She started researching her options sometime ago, and she has come up with much of the plan herself. She is motivated. (we even have housing set up for her for when she is in community college!)
My oldest daughter has time to learn real life skills. Domestic skills. Farm skills. We have tons of time to do art. She has tons of time to read. She has basic chores and she can cook and bake and take care of animals and sew on buttons and even sew basic garments and do basic childcare. She knows where our water comes from. She has seen it run out, and she knows how to deal with that. In the next year or so we wil start building her a cabin of her own, and she will probably draw the plans for it, and learn more math, and learn more about systems, and so on and so on. Her life is starting now, and it is one big classroom, and I expect she will retain her sense of wonder and curiousity into adulthood.

I know that people worry about kids not getting what they need education-wise in a homeschool setting, but I really try not to look at my kids' educations from a fear based perspective. I really believe they are both going to be fine. Actually, they are obviously quite brilliant, both of them!

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View entire thread: New Year's Resolution: Eat Healthy/Lose Weight Buddy Topic

Posted by literaryvamp on 2006-01-15 14:57:43      Post Subject:

The dreaded snack syndrome! I have it too. My parents always had dinner at 5:30, so I grew accustomed to having a snack before bed. I nearly died when Oprah's trainer said you shouldn't eat after 8 pm. I just couldn't do it. If I were you, I'd stick with the one glass of wine per day, as long as it's red. It's supposed to help your heart, so I think it's calories well spent.

You could also switch from coffee to green tea in order to make the caffeine adjustments. Green tea is supposed to speed up your metabolism, but it also has caffeine in it, so it will help you with energy throughout the day. Once you've weaned yourself from coffee, you can switch from regular green tea to decaf green tea. It might be a little easier for you that way. It's really hard to lose weight without exercise or daily chores so you don't want to let your energy lag for too long. Good luck with your challenge - it sounds like a really great idea!

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View entire thread: Super Organizers to the Rescue! PLEASE.

Posted by art_skoolgirl on 2006-04-03 18:03:42      Post Subject:

Great post. I have clutter issues myself and left brain list and staying on task are very hard for me as a creative right brain type.

I couldn't imagine being able to do the flylady stuff. It's just to step by step and systematic for me, but I did find some very useful tips in here I loved and it inspired me to write me own.

* When you cook have a garbage bowl you throw egg shells, wrappers etc in, it's easier than going all the way to the trash can and less messy than just leaving it on the counter.

*People who have Upstairs/Downstairs I have an empty box I use every day to put all the stuff that doesn't belong downstairs, upstairs, and vise versa.

* Get a hamper or laundry cart that has three seperate sections, one for colored, whites, towels and get a mesh bag to put delecates in. Make a habit of putting clothse in the bins don't just throw them on the floor.

* After grocery shopping prep veggies and seperate portions to be cooked or used later. It's amazing how my easier it is too cook when you do all your prep for the week before.

* Delegate chores! Anyone that lives with you including children should help out with chores around the house.

* make a list of things that need to get done daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.

* Another trick my mom used was once a month on a saturday the whole family would throughly clean one room. Every month one of these rooms would get cleaned from top to bottom and items given away or put away for a garage sale: The kitchen, the boys room, the girls room, the living room, the two bathrooms, and the family room. We excluded mom and dads room since that was their chore. This meant that every room was cleaned and rearranged every 6 months.

Thanks for the tips!

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View entire thread: Super Organizers to the Rescue! PLEASE.

Posted by appleseeds on 2006-02-27 07:28:03      Post Subject:

This helps me....A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN IT'S PLACE.

Another thing that helps me, is cleaning as I go so, that I don't feel like I've wasted time cleaning...does that make sense? And with the dishes, if for some horrid reason they were left overnight, I do them as the coffee brews....this is something that a few of my friends have picked up on and they tell me it really works for them.

One more thing that helps is to pretend that tons of people who you would not want to see any mess or clutter in your home is coming over to stay! I do this and I clean like there's no tomorrow. ....I come from a Southern family and it's typical for Southern families to clean once a week...my bf can't believe it when I tell him that my Granny used to move all the furniture once a week (except for the china cabinet) to vacuum!! It's true. And one of my chores growing up was to wax/dust all the wood furniture. I also HAD to make my bed everyday and nothing was allowed to pile up...if something did pile up during the week, you better bet your hiney I was cleaning it/organizing it etc on Saturday!

Growing up I hated it all...I loathed my mom for making me do such evil things but, now as an adult (ahha) I appreciate it to no end. I couldn't be happier to know that I'm a great housekeeper, cook, seamstress, gardener and more because I was taught how to be all of that by the women in my family. There's a lot to be said about teaching your kids to make their own bed and simple household chores and tasks.....maybe they'll choose to be a slob when they are older and that's fine but, atleast it will then be a choice. I have so many friends that don't know how to keep a house and all I can think in horror is...your mom didn't teach you how? I really enjoy sharing household keeping stuff with my friends.

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View entire thread: Getting radically crafty

Posted by artgeek on 2006-10-28 07:34:43      Post Subject:

I haven't posted to this thread yet because I didn't feel I had anything original to contribute, just random cheerleading of everything that had been said. Now I've settled down at my computer with coffee and bread, deleted some spam from the forums, and was excited to share my thoughts...and anthrogirl has gone and read my mind.

I was looking through some old family/community cookbooks last night and thought how useful and fun it might be to have a craftista's version. Particularly the community cookbooks didn't just stop at stew and cake recipes, they also included basic info about cooking (eg, what temp is chicken done at), the community they were compiled in and household chores. I thought a craftista spin on all those things, plus info about simple crafts to enliven your home and yourself (as well as take some stress out of giftgiving) would be such a gift to a new homeowner (a target audience I think of a lot due to my experience with Habitat for Humanity) or just anyone trying to put they're life together or make do with very little.

They don't have to be big, glossy affairs either. While I <3 a beautiful craft book as much as the next lady, the cookbooks I'm referencing have a simple cardstock cover and either plastic or metal binding (though, personally, I kind of like the idea of a 3-ring binder where all the entries have holes in them, so people can choose to move the stuff most relevant to them toward the front). They're usually only printed in one or two colors, but if you look at the layout of getcrafty (which I always thought was pretty spiffy), you'll realize a lot of pretty can be managed with a limited palette.

Anyway, sorry to rehash your post, anthrogirl, but I thought I'd share how I came to the idea, too. :)

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View entire thread: Getting radically crafty

Posted by anthrogirl on 2006-10-30 12:39:07      Post Subject:

I was looking through some old family/community cookbooks last night and thought how useful and fun it might be to have a craftista's version. Particularly the community cookbooks didn't just stop at stew and cake recipes, they also included basic info about cooking (eg, what temp is chicken done at), the community they were compiled in and household chores. I thought a craftista spin on all those things, plus info about simple crafts to enliven your home and yourself (as well as take some stress out of giftgiving) would be such a gift to a new homeowner (a target audience I think of a lot due to my experience with Habitat for Humanity) or just anyone trying to put they're life together or make do with very little.



We must be channelling each other! Even though I've never volunteered for Habitat for Humanity (you rock, by the way), I was thinking the same thing, because my students are college aged and many of them don't know how to cook or run a household.

It might be fun to pair a craft or two with recipes, info on how to shop for good cheap food, how to run a kitchen, how to do simple cleaning. Like a simple crochet project on how to make potholders with how to make a chicken with gravy, along with how to set the table for company (I've found a lot of people don't know how to do that anymore, since so many people eat fast food). And then maybe every person participating can mention where he or she lives, his or her favorite craft, favorite charity, and the best craft stores in his or her area.
How does that all sound? If we mention stores, it's more likely that those places will stock the book. And since I know a few of you have connections with book publishing, we may even be able to get distribution. But keeping the price down would be key, because it would be nice to have the kind of book that would be cheap enough for groups like Habitat to buy and give away with new homes or apartments. what do people think?

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View entire thread: things i wish i had known 10 years ago

Posted by DJules on 2005-07-18 09:46:22      Post Subject:

-Credit Card Debt sucks! Learn how to use credit cards wisely. (Notice I didn't say a blanket 'don't use them' I really wish somebody would have discussed how to handle them well with me, rather than just telling me to not get them.

-Don't file people under labels so you can dismiss them as somebody you won't like. I've met a lot of conservative/very religous/strict school-at-home moms at our homeschool group, and although our "labels" may clash, we can connect and get along when we're talking about our kids. Make the effort to get to know people as individuals.

-Take care of yourself. It is hard to take care of anyone else if you are running on empty. This is especially important if you have kids.

-Spend time outside every day.

-Spend time with teenagers. The teenagers I've gotten to know in the past couple of years make me very hopeful for the future - they are such neat people! And it's energizing to spend time with them. Too many people dismiss teenagers as rotten.

-Don't preset requirements for the people you 'can' be friends with. (This kind of goes with the label comment above) You don't have to have friends that are the same age as you, or do/don't have kids, etc....
When I first had kids, I felt like I had to find other women who were moms to be friends with. I was much happier when I just found some friends to have fun with!

And one more I almost forgot:
Discuss the division of household chores before you move in with somebody or get married! (Including a discussion of what the expectations were in you home when you were growing up) A fair division of household chores does not, I repeat, not, happen magically.

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View entire thread: gross roommate stories

Posted by spiderlady on 2006-04-05 16:44:50      Post Subject:

I hesitate to be Freudian and blame moms for everything--especially since I am one--but I can't help but wonder whether any of these kids had chores when they were growing up! I've known lots of moms who never made their kids do a lick of housework. I wonder if they live like pigs because they were simply never taught to clean up after themselves. Not to mention basic consideration for others. If I ever found out any of my kids were acting like this, I would personally skin them alive!

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View entire thread: gross roommate stories

Posted by copygirlx on 2006-04-14 11:54:33      Post Subject:

I hesitate to be Freudian and blame moms for everything--especially since I am one--but I can't help but wonder whether any of these kids had chores when they were growing up! I've known lots of moms who never made their kids do a lick of housework. I wonder if they live like pigs because they were simply never taught to clean up after themselves. Not to mention basic consideration for others. If I ever found out any of my kids were acting like this, I would personally skin them alive!

Oh, I think you are right on the money.

I weep for the future roommates of my sister in law. She has NEVER done a chore in her life, and lives in total filth. My husband and I stayed with her for 2 months while her dad was hunting, and it was the worst time of my life.

I keep warning her to clean up her act (ha!) or her college roommates will hate her, but she doesn't care AT ALL. She braggs that she is so spoiled and lazy she doesn't even know how to load the dishwasher.

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-06-26 08:52:20      Post Subject:

Just a few comments before I forget!
My view of women was definitely shaped by my parents' relationship. My Mom was a SAHM, and when I (the younger of 2 girls) was 11, Mom felt a bit bored w/ things at home. My Dad was initially against her going to work. BUt she persisted and started out as a volunteer w/ an orginization which worked to teach developmentally disabled adults life skills. She eventually got a teaching position at NTID as a sign language instructor to the faculty and staff. Anyway, my Dad obviously came around and saw that working made Mom happy.
At home, I saw my parents work together, weather it was washing dishes, or painting the house, or yard work. They worked as a team. 100%. There was never a strictly divided male/female role division. Yes, my mom was the one from whom I learned sewing and stuff from. But I was also my dad's little shadow, and would intently watch whatever he was doing. Bike maintenance, woodworking, repairs, etc. I learned a lot from both of them about how to be a responsible ADULT.
I'm trying to pass that sort of values system onto my sons. It's hard b/c my husband didn't grow up w/ the same family dynamics. His Dad traveled often for work, so he didn't see his parents work together the way I did. I literally have to say to my DH "We are gong to work on such and such today, and I want your help.", otherwise, I'm stuck doing things myself and it doesn't occur to him to lift a finger to help me. Grrr!
HIs mother lost her own mother when she was just 9 yrs. old, and took over a good portion of the household duties, including cooking for her dad and 5 siblings, 3 older and 2 younger. So she pretty much has it stuck in her head that she has to do everything. I think she had a hard time delegating chores to her own kids. My DH has never mentioned any chores besides mowing the lawn. The annoying thing is, that she seems to think I can do it all to, since SHE did. I had to point out to her finally, that things don't get done b/c HER son will sit on his butt!
But I digress. I don't want you to get the impression that my DH is a bad guy. He's not. Nor is my MIL a witch. Indeed, I'm lucky to have a MIL who is very sweet. But she needs to learn to relax once in a while. She's like a squirrel storing nuts for winter. ALWAYS on the move. It's tiring to watch her!
Enough of that!
I have a framed photo of my beloved Swiss uncle, Walter, which was taken by my sister on one of our trips there. It's a photo of him sitting at his kitchen table, embroidering a throw pillow. He loved to embroider, and he did a beautiful job at it! He always had a project going. So much for "girlie" crafts, right?
As for people not valuing females in society, no matter what they choose to do, I couldn't agree more. The thing that sticks in my mind, and still irks me to this day, is a conversation I once had w/ a male guidance counselor in high school. At the time, I was hating school and wanted to get the hell out. He asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I said be a SAHM. He said, as if I was planning to get pregnant the second I left school, what if you don't become a mother? He just didn't understand that career was not the most important thing in my life! Couldn't fathom it! He thought that if I left school, I would flounder for the rest of my life. I still don't know what I want to "be". But I stuck to my guns on the one thing I knew I would love, and I'm doing exactly what I told him I was going to do! Well, I left school, got my GED, and worked in retail on and off for over 10 years until I got preggers and married. He was WRONG about me. But then, he was the crappiest guidance couselor in the school, so I pretty much ignored him!

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View entire thread: Super Organizers to the Rescue! PLEASE.

Posted by ti on 2005-04-24 22:04:18      Post Subject:

you know athos, that is true, life is too short to regret not having people over. i do let a few people really close to me to see the mess that is our house. i think i will just try to see what kind of inroads i can make then invite some people over!

but honestly i am trying to juggle teaching, grad school and work with trying to do my part of our chores and the house is messy with too much stuff not filthy in any way ...

it is kinda weird, i feel like i am trying to out forth this person who does everything just so but in reality ... we all have out moments ...

i've decided to try to do a solid hour each day of cleaning/organizing! plus - i need to keep the house supa clean cuz of my allergies/asthma - having to use a nebulizer is so not fun ;(

i love this forum as well!!

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by craftytricks on 2004-12-15 14:18:23      Post Subject:



I really believe that being a woman and a feminist doesn't need a definition, there are no set rules.



I agree, very much so. Without strict definitions and rules, the term 'feminism' can bring a whole lot more to the table.

Also, I think it's crucial when thinking of the feminist movement to remember that not all feminists are public feminists. It's good and it's very important to have public feminists to organize events and start discussions and make their voices heard. But I think the private feminists, the ones who find their happy balance in their homes or with their family or with their work, may just be the real backbone to any sort of feminist movement 'revolution.' When I think of an actual acceptance of a new domesticity, I don't see it happening because of marches or defiance or shaking our fists at men. I see it starting in the private sphere with a division of chores or a flexible work schedule or a local craft fair. If each woman were to embrace and live her own definition of feminism, think of how far the movement would progress.

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by Carmen Clark on 2004-11-23 10:06:46      Post Subject:

In response to men not doing as much house work; I agree. I'm sure there are those who do, and my husband does more than most, but I think the question is Balance. Balancing work with home life, which also includes chores. The person staying at home is bound to clean more, simply because he/she is home. This ends up being women so we clean more, we also see what needs to be cleaned.

I know if I ask my husband to do something he'll do it. I feel I shouldn't have to ask him but otherwise he wouldn't see the mess, you know what I mean? I get frustrated with that, me having to ask him, but he gets frustrated that I think he can read my mind and know what I want. Women get sublte hints, with men you gotta bang 'em over the head with the info. It's not a bad thing, just different. In my relationship it's all about communication, the instant I get annoyed with his mess and keep it to myself the vibe is bad, If I tell him right away he's gotta pick it up, the house gets clean and I'm in a good mood.
anyway, my two cents.

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by Ann Berry on 2004-12-16 12:25:25      Post Subject:

As one who just left her job about a year ago to stay home with my son, I have to say--it's whatever works for you & your family the best. I worked in finance (portfolio mgt) for about 15 years in Boston, had my child Nov 03, and left last February 04. I got my undergraduate and master's degrees while working. Leaving was a hard transition, I'm not going to lie. Keeping a home and caring for a child were two things I had NO experience in whatsoever until this year--I did have a condo to clean before, but nothing like a house! It's just as much work as being in the office if not more mind-draining and exhausting. I still have deadlines, duties to take care of and management chores. It's just very different.

Mind you, I may return to 9-5 in the future--I look at this as a temporary life-change I have the option to explore.

That being said, I know both worlds. As much as they are different, they are the same. I made the choice (I had the choice) to stay home because I'll never get my son's years back as a baby but I can potentially get another 15+ yrs. back in an office environment.

I also think that how 'at ease' you are with yourself in your domesticity is key. I love to knit, I knitted sometimes in the office during a quick lunch and brought my projects in for show-and-tell once in a while. It brought other 'closet-knitters' out --one even worked in the trading room--and we formed a group that met about every other week in the cafeteria. We shamelessly knit amongst the curious stares. My fellow knitters miss me now and even want to come to my house to continue!

I really do believe it's confidence in what you are doing and your decisions to either love working in the home and doing homey things and being that 'domestic diva' or admitting you just don't enjoy it--and that's equally okay. It's whatever works for you!

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by Katrin on 2004-12-14 12:53:32      Post Subject:

how do we get the Better Message across?

This should be a topic header by itself.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that "women's work" must be de-marginalized - and that will be very, very difficult to do. Hard labor like cleaning and cooking, art forms like needlework and clothing production, and where do we begin to describe raising young human beings - these are still seen as "little housewife" (oh, that makes me seethe) activities because they're still portrayed as unimportant tasks done by inferior people.

The focus for so long has been on women's being able to do "anything they want". It's inherent in the term feminism - not that I dislike the word, but it certainly does leave out half of the world. A woman can be an CEO and do "important" high-paying corporate work, leaving her free to pay someone else (an inferior person, obviously) to keep her house and take care of her kids. Or she can choose to be "just a homemaker" (voluntarily being inferior, 'cause it's all about women's choices, right?).

The only way I can see this vicious cycle being stopped is to start including men. To expect of them the same responsibilities and the same opportunities as women, just as we expect for ourselves. To stop thinking and talking about homemaking and crafts as being solely the domain of women. To require both boys and girls to take both home ec and shop. To give sons and daughters the same household chores. To point out (every time it's suggested) that a man taking care of his own children is not "babysitting", and that there's no such thing as "Mr. Mom", because the correct term is "Dad" - even when he's baking a cake and vacuuming the carpet.

When a man comments on our craft projects, our response every time should be, "Would you like me to teach you?" - and mean it sincerely. Let them know we're not joking. Make them (and us) consciously aware that these are skills that require training and practice and that serve a useful purpose - though they're often enjoyable work, they're not frivolous little pastimes.

And if a man comments on our changing a tire, we should offer to teach him how to do that too.

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View entire thread: feminism and domesticity

Posted by neuroticdawg on 2005-06-26 02:29:54      Post Subject:

Here's my take on domesticity:

I'm not the best at it, and it doesn't come naturally to me, but being a SAHM was how it worked out, and I like it.

My mother was a single parent, for as long as I remember. She worked 9-5, overtime when she could get it, and then came home and made dinner, helped with homework, and went to bed. She didn't bake cookies, she wasn't a room mother, she wasn't a Little League mom, and about once a month, she gave the house a good cleaning. I had no chores, because she'd had too many as a child. I guess my mom was a feminist. She did it all on her own. It wasn't what she would have chosen, but she had a kid to raise, and didn't want the kind of help she could get, so that was that. She was a feminist by default.

I don't suppose I've ever considered myself a feminist. I'm not sure I even really know what one is. I thought my childhood was normal until I moved to the midwest. Only a few of my friends' moms stayed home, most of their parents were divorced too. I thought that parents staying married and women staying home with the kids was something that took place "in the olden days".

When I had my daughter, I quit working and stayed home with her. With the exception of a few temp jobs I took just to see if I was missing anything, I've been a SAHM ever since. It surprises me sometimes to find myself here, just because it's still such a foreign and novel concept to me. It suits me. I never imagined I'd be able to do this. To go volunteer at the school library. To sit at my kids' ball practice and crochet Christmas presents. To launder for four. To go fetch a plate of grub for the old man when he comes stumbling in all tired and sore from getting up at the crack of dawn to earn our daily bread. To cook a lasagna from scratch or make a Halloween costume, or take apart the sweeper to find out why it's making that clackclackclack noise.

I imagine this is how the hausfraus used to feel when they found out they didn't have to stay home like their mothers did, they could go to school and get a job and bring home a check with their own name on it. Funny that I'd end up feeling that way about being able to manage the house and kids instead of clocking in somewhere. I guess the common thread is having a choice. My work isn't considered "valuable" and I'm aware that some people do look down on my choice, but I'm satisfied and content, which is what all of us are aiming for.

Anyhow, that's my rambling take.

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