Posted by artemis.sun on 2005-04-21 06:54:45
Post Subject: If he isn't a feminist (long)
I wanted some input from you wise and wonderful feminist women (and men). Thank you for reading.
There was a time when I was spoke up whenever I saw sexism and injustice, I even founded a science mentoring program for girls and socio-economically challenged kids. Recently I've felt more and more stagnant, to the point of being jaded. It has gotten to the point where I'm worried that I believe in feminist principles but am not doing enough to apply them to my actual life.
The question - I'm starting to become interested in a guy who's said a few things that can be interpreted as sexist. He's well spoken and phrased them very politely so they're not immediately offensive, and he did listen to my points, and seemed to genuinely consider them. However, strip him of his manners, and the ideas are quite insulting, and there was a time when that would have been enough for me to write him off completely. Now, however, I'm wondering if I'm overreacting and if maybe I should cut him some slack. He is a product of (private) British boy's schools (but has been in the US for several years) if that affects anything.
One example is a discussion of the ratio of men and women in the science departments at universities. He supports a 50-50 ratio, one reason being that the social scene suffers when it is heavily male. There are women who "are far from Cindy Crawford", but because they're rare, men clamor to date them anyway, and these women "use it to their advantage" (quotes are his). He also mentioned that "romantic frustration" distracts people from their studies. I've heard a similar argument, from a Caltech survey which asked that Caltech "import" women for the men to date (sexual frustration was cited as a problem).
I always thought it was good to have women in the sciences because it was an equal rights issue; this is twisting it back to the objectification of women as primarily sexual objects. If it was a matter of saving time, a daily masturbation session takes much less upkeep than a relationship, if sexual frustration is an issue. And if it is a yearning for companionship, universities should not be obligated to play matchmaker.
On the other hand, he is honest, and at least he says what he things instead of sugarcoating them. So when he says that he's into equal partnerships, I'm more inclined to believe him. I dated someone who was a little in awe of the math-genius feminist, so he watched his words and seemed women's rights oriented on the surface. Later on, his secret sexist pockets came up and contributed to some of his actions that caused a lot of hurt.
This boy and I aren't nearly at that stage yet; I'm just a little infatuated at this point, and I don't even know if he's interested. But I feel that if I keep hanging out with him in a certain setting, something's going to develop.
Am I making too much out of something small? I'm not the best judge of character, and I don't trust myself on this matter. I'm afraid of letting past scars control what I do, but I'm also afraid of the status quo attitude that this infatuation seems to bring out.
I'm sorry that this ended up so long. I don't really have any friends who would understand the way the craftistas do. :)
Posted by pudding on 2005-03-15 05:12:08
Post Subject:
Finally, a book club.
i heart this site.
I feel the same way!
OK. Before I had a chance to post my thoughts on Woman Hollering Creek I went and read the whole of The House On Mango Street too.
I have heaps of thoughts swirling around in my head and I'm worried I won't do them justice. I'll just start by mentioning two thinks which strike me about both books.
Firstly, I like the way they are divided up into bite sized chunks. The chapters (in Mango Street) and stories (Women Hollering Creek) feel lovely and rounded and I loved being able to read small amounts and then stop and think.
Also, I thought Sandra Cisneros was really excellent in the way that she was able to say something without coming right out and spelling it out. She told stories which made a point: rather than saying "feminist women are powerful", she would weave a story about a powerful feminist women. You saw that the woman (women) was powerful, and dignified, and brave through the choices they made. (This hasn't come out exactly right, but I hope you understand).
OK, lastly (I know this is a third thought, but I'm on a roll), I loved the way she described women in love - descriptions of the physical sensations, emotions and thoughts of a woman consumed by love all mixed together.
Posted by brdgt on 2005-04-19 08:21:22
Post Subject:
The thing to remember is that no matter what is "typical" if you felt uncomfortable then you should switch doctors.
If you have the ability to be choosey (I know with HMOs that isn't always easy) try to get a female nurse midwife (while they typically deal with pregnancies, they also do routine ob/gyn). My best experiences have always been with them. Tell her your experiences and what made you uncomfortable.
Alternately, there aren't many left in the country, but feminist health clinics were started on the premise that the doctor-patient relationship needs to be more egalitarian and may make you feel more comfortable. Here are some suggested by The Feminist Women's Health Center based in Washington state. They also have a great resource page with all sorts of information from how to do a self-cervical exam to what to expect during an routine exam.
