Posted by Eli on 2006-04-22 23:57:27
Post Subject:
I am a housekeeper, and right now I work for eight different families. And, yes, sometimes I wonder how much difference I make, because the house is already so clean. But, when I miss the occasional appointment due to illness, I can always tell that weekly appointments are indeed necessary.
As a housekeeper, I do hate nicknacks with a passion. But, it really doesn't matter. I would never turn down a job because of them. I charge 15 to 20 an hour, depending on the house, and I have an "excessive filth clause" that lets me charge 25 if things are disgusting, although I've only used it once. First time or irregular jobs (like 4x a year) are 25 as well. I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive, and I think that's why I get so many jobs.
Some clients tidy up, some tell me where to pile the crap for them to deal with later. Only one wants me to put everything away, and she also wants me to sort out her mail. It's all about your level of comfort.
As for the weirdness of being in someone's house alone, it takes some getting used to. I have keys and alarm codes to everyone's houses, and sometimes I house-sit for them.
Just a note: the housekeeper doesn't have a right to ask you to leave the house while he/she works. That's crazy! It's your house! Most of my clients are gone when I'm there, but that's their preference. One of them told me, "I love coming home after you've been here. It's like a magical cleaning fairy came along!" Okay, as long as you remember to leave that $60 on the table.
Self-employment is the way to go. Aside from the awesome pay, I get to choose my hours and my dress code. I love it, but recently I found out that I make more than my favorite teacher... which kind of broke my heart. I mean, shouldn't the ability to educate be valued above the ability to clean?
Okay, that was long winded, with no intro. Hello crafty people, I'm Eli, I'm a housekeeper, and I'll be graduating from university in just over 2 months.
Posted by BrocanteHome on 2005-08-03 15:35:34
Post Subject:
Hi all, I'm the Vintage HouseKeeper and I just wanted to tell you how I go about cleaning out truly scary fridges:
*Empty everything you can out of the fridge.
*Put all removeable parts in the dishwasher.
*Wipe down the fridge as best you can with boiling water.
*Make a paste with salt, baking soda and lemon juice and use to shift any truly stubborn stains.
*Mix four parts hot water with two parts white vinegar and one part lemon juice and wipe down all surfaces.
*Choose a scrumptious little vintage dish and use it to hold your baking soda at the back of the fridge...
*Put a tiny little flower in a bud vase and put it on the top shelf and smile everytime you go to steal a cookie...
Posted by h_pets360 on 2006-06-22 15:12:37
Post Subject:
At most hospitals, you have to be a Certified Nursing Assistant or have a clinical portion of nursing school under your belt. Becoming a CNA can be easy - I took a very brief course with on the job training at a nursing home, then passed the state test. I don't necessarily recommend that - the training sucked, and the nursing home was even suckier. (Disclaimer: not all nursing homes are bad). Some places, you can take one semester long course and become a CNA.
Being a CNA is really good experience, especially if you've got a good team of nurses to work with. If your nurses know you want to learn, usually they'll try to share their knowledge with you when they can.
If you want to just jump in the health care experience, the aforementioned transport and phlebotomy are very good places to start. Phlebotomy, if you're good at it, is easy and pretty rewarding. For some reason, patients always thank you after you stab 'em with a needle. It takes a coupla times to get used to, and you need to be confident. But it's fun. Transportation aint bad either.
... trying to think of other jobs. Being a secretary / order-taker-off person isn't a good idea unless you have a very very good working knowledge of medical terminology and community and in-house resources. Being a housekeeper isn't much fun. I think you can work in the lab processing certain tests with minimal training, but there's no patient interaction.
I think the best thing to do is start in phlebotomy or transport, get your CNA, then go to nursing school. I wish every doctor and nurse would be CNAs first. It seems to help out their empathy skills and their clinical skills a whole ton.
Posted by jasmineT on 2004-06-30 10:27:24
Post Subject: Remedial home ec
If most people knew that I visited a home ec board they would pee their pants with laughter. I am probably the worst housekeeper in the world. But... I recently talked to a woman whom I've always admired and....she's offered to teach me some home ec skills! YIPEE! I'm so excited.
It's funny because she's often felt like her mission in life is to give moms home ec classes but thought it would be rude to ask if anyone wanted them. (like it would imply failure) I talked to her at a potluck about how she made ALL of her own bread (even grinding the wheat) and she offered to show me how. She's also going to show me how to do ALL of the shopping for one month in one trip. (that one may take a while to sink in since I can go to the store, like, 3 times in the course of preparing a dinner party)
I'm just really excited and wanted to share...
BTW- I DO know how to make bread but I have to see the step before and see that it's all possible to do on a regular basis without losing one's mind
Posted by orangeaum on 2004-05-14 23:56:38
Post Subject: peru
Hi, my girlfriend saw this and told me. I went to Peru in July '02. Awesome experience. My cousin and I basically winged it, without any real plan. Here is a story I wrote about my trip.
My trip to Peru
My cousin Mary and I flew to Peru for the month of July, during the summer of 2002. I flew down to Virginia to my cousins’ house the night before we left for Lima. This was my first international adventure, whereas my cousin had spent a few months in Guatemala the previous summer. Mary and I flew to GBA in Texas and then to Lima, Peru. Lima is at sea level on the west coast of South America. The city of Lima is hidden in constant smog, so there is very low visibility. From Lima we flew to Cusco. Cusco is high in the Andes mountain range, and is the ancient Inca capitol. It is said to have been founded around 1100 AD. (According to the central Inca creation myth, the Sun sent his son, Manco Capac and the moon her daughter, Mama Ocllo, to spread culture and enlightenment throughout the dark, barbaric lands. The Sun pitied the people of this savage region because they could not cultivate the land, make houses, nor had they any religion. Manco and Mama Ocllo emerged from the icy depths of Lake Titicaca and began their journey in search of the place where they would found their kingdom. They were ordered to travel north from the Lake until a golden staff they carried could be plunged into the ground for its entire length. They traveled as far as the valley of Cusco where, the staff fully disappeared and the soil was found to be suitably fertile. They named this place Cusco – meaning the navel of the earth.)
My Uncle Paul and my Aunt Kate were already there for there friends wedding the night before and he arranged us a cab from the airport in Cusco to their hotel in a small village named Urambamba. We arrived the morning after the wedding, and everyone was waking up with a hangover, which was fine because we needed time to rest and get acclimated. After a brief rest, we (my cousin and I, and my aunt and uncle and four of his friends) headed off to Aguas Calientes, the town below the famous Macchu Pichu. We arrived at night in the rain, by train. We looked at a few extremely cheep rooms, and finally decided to crash in a shitty 1 roach hotel (toilet seats are rare down there). The next morning 7 of us (Kate was sick and skipped) hiked up from the village to the Macchu Pichu ruins. The trail cut across the zigzagging and cross-cutting the bus road. I felt like dying about three-quarters of the way up. We made in about 45 minutes without too many rests. We had to buy amusement park-like tickets to get into the national park for about $35. It was awesome. The ruins were made on a peak of a mountain in the middle of nowhere. You could see for miles down each of the valleys, and the stonework was so perfect that they didn’t need to use any mortar, the stones just fit so perfectly together that they have lasted 500 years of earthquakes and weather. There were plenty of alpacas (cousins of lamas), lamas and tourists roaming around. We looked around for a little while and then climbed up to Wayna Picchu, to look down on the ruins from above; and it was worth it. We chilled there for a while; it felt as if “I were on top of the world with my legs hanging free”-DJM. We climbed back down to the main ruins and took the bus (coaster) down to Aguas Calientes (which means hot water as in hot springs -which have a very pungent odor- but for everyone we were with it meant dirty water, because everybody was getting sick). All eight of us got it; I got the least of it. Paul’s friends went back to Cusco while Paul, Mary and I stayed an extra day so Kate could recover. My aunt Kate had a Peruvian med student give her an I-V drip with my cousin Mary as an interpreter. She did a good job reassuring the “Dr.” that Kate was not pregnant. The extra day was cool because we got to go up to the ruins again (Kate even made it to the park for an hour or so) and Mary and I hiked to the Gateway to the Sun. We didn’t want to pay again because the trail we wanted to hike went out and away form the main park. We got denied, but a nice gentleman heard us complaining about paying again as he was leaving, and gave us his tickets, so we got in for free anyway. It was misting out that day and we wore ponchos. Mary wasn’t feeling so well, so she didn’t make it all the way up to the crest, but I went up for myself to see the gateway. It was the lowest point between two peaks where the sun rose and would shine onto the main area. The gateway was used as a guard tower and was not very big; (it kind of reminded me of a patio) but it was made out of the same stonework as the ruins. I had to go over the crest and down the other side just to check it out, without leaving Mary too far behind. The jungle was a lot denser on the other side of the trail (because it faced the sun); it reminded me of the beginning of “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. I turned around when I got to what looked like a big power plant or something in the valley below. Then I went back to where I left Mary and we took the bus back down to the village. There was a young Cuscanian boy wearing the traditional dress running down the same trail that we had climbed on our first time up and he was waving at the bus every time we crossed back. The boy beat the bus to the bottom where he got on and everyone cheered and gave him some change. We went shopping in the village at a “shakedown street”-like strip of collapsible vendors and I got a cool Indiana Jones-like hat. Mary, Paul and I ducked into a little bar to get out of the rain and had a couple of Cuscinas. I was playing with a kitten and Mary got my camera out and took my picture. We left the camera behind in the bar and went back for it 10 minutes later and the bartender said he didn’t see it. We were the only ones in there. Luckily, this was the worst luck we had the whole trip. We stayed one more night in Aguas Calientes, and we took a train and bus back to Cusco in the morning.
It was Mary’s turn to puke now, on the train. We got a decent room in the San Blas neighborhood of Cusco, just blocks from the square, for another recovery day. Paul was getting sick now, so he stayed with Kate and Mary while I took an overnight bus to Lake Titicaca with four of Paul’s friends. Franco and Denise were really cool Argentineans; they could speak fluent Spanish for us (I spoke zero Spanish and Pam and Sandra spoke some). We only had 14 hours at the lake and we took an all day boat tour, visiting Los Urus-the floating reed islands (we got to walk on them, they were kind of squishy and we also got to ride in a reed boat) and another larger island (a traditional earth island) in the middle of the lake for a hike and some lunch. That island was like going back in time a hundred years. Everyone who lived there lived traditionally like their grandparents had (there were a couple of solar panels for minimal electric use even on the reed islands). That was nice but the wind picked up and the boat ride back was through 6 foot waves and half the other tourists (13 total and 3 tour boat guides) got soaked. I almost made it back to the town we docked in before it hit me. Peeing fire out of my ass (or Montazuma’s Revenge- our stomachs aren’t used to the bacteria in the water). It was the same thing everyone got; I was the last one and the only one out of all eight of us that didn’t puke from it. I managed to hold it for the 8 hour night bus ride back to Cusco. Another recovery day, this time it was for me, and everyone else went shopping. The next day my aunt and uncle and their friends went home and left Mary and myself in Cusco.
Cusco is a tourist town, so there are lots of restaurants and tours available. When the Spanish concurred South America 500 years ago they destroyed the towns, stole their gold and built catholic churches, and raped and murdered the local Incas. Most of the surrounding ruins are ruins because they were destroyed by the Spaniards, not just from age. What still remains in the city after all of this destruction, is most of the foundations that they rebuilt on, and some of the roads and stairs that were made so well hundreds of years ago that they are still in good condition today.
For the most part, Peru was very beautiful and clean, but the locals are used to littering because until recently (the last 20 years or so) everything they used would decompose. They still litter, but now with all of the plastics that don’t breakdown for decades the trash stays around longer. And the large tourist population also contributes to this. They use a lot more disposable products just like at home, but here they don’t have landfills or dumps, they just throw their garbage over a cliff or into the river.
Mary and I used many internet cafes to surf around and to phone home (it cost about a tenth as much). I saw most of Spiderman on a bootleg tape in subtitles just a few days after it was released in the theaters back home. We got a horseback ride tour to four other ruins and got to check out each one for as long as we liked. The huge carved stones at Saqsayhuaman (pronounced saxywomen) fit together like a giant’s puzzle. We hiked down from Saqasayhuaman back to our room in San Blas. We also toured many of the highly decorated Roman Catholic Churches in our neighborhood, and saw a festival that looked like a cheerleading or dancing competition where maybe 30 or so teams of 10-20 people in traditional costume paraded then stopped in front of a judging panel for about 5 minutes to let each group to do their thing. One Sunday we ate breakfast in a café with a patio overlooking the square. We watched a large military procession for a couple of hours. They said the parade was a weekly event, after everyone gets out of church they watch the soldiers march in the square. We also frequented an Irish pub, where when you entered it felt like you stepped into Ireland. One night there we were drinking Guinness and Cusqina (Malta) with some friends and I heard an Ani DiFranco song on the jukebox.
We signed up for a week long study at a non-profit Spanish school which provided a room in a Peruvian family’s house. Mary’s Spanish was excellent and got us through everything. I learned a lot that week how to understand and speak a few words which I have since forgotten most of. Jesus was the friendly owner of The Amigo’s school. I enjoyed learning from the other teachers as well. I got to play “lie in our graves” on guitar while Amy, another of the teachers, improvised on violin for the local kids who attended the school.
Maria was a wonderful host. Her house was large and nice; she had 3 extra rooms which she would rent out to travelers and also cook food for them. Maria was separated and liberated from her husband and lived with her children Cesar, Coco and little Maria, and their housekeeper Alicia. They cooked us local meals (lots of rice and soup for lunch, and usually a hard boiled egg, some toast and tea, and some avocado slices for breakfast) and took us out for coy (guinea pig) and fried pig parts. It was unusually cold and raining that week, but we didn’t mind because we were busy studying Spanish. . . Maria graciously let us stay a few extra days after our week of school was over. We also tried alpaca steaks and kabobs (very succulent, moist, mouth-watering steaks).
Cesar, Maria’s oldest son organized a mountain bike rental escapade for us. Geeta (an Indian from Berkeley) and Sabine (German) and the two of us (Americans) followed Cesar and his friend. They took us on a bus almost to the top of an old dirt road that wound down through the countryside. It was impossible to pedal up hill-the altitude was too great and the air was too thin. We coasted down the old dirt road back through Yucay and Urumbamba and right past the hotel we stayed in the first night we had begun this adventure. The views were superb, and we only got 16 flat tires.
The next day Mary and I took a bus to Pisac and climbed to the ruins that shadowed over the village. Pisac had fantastic views and nice ruins. On the way down, we heard cannons and bells ringing-time for another parade. We saw a bunch of town’s people riding horses around the town square trying to grab live chickens off ropes tied over the street.
The last night at Maria’s, I was tired and went to bed early. Cesar took Mary and Geeta and Sabine out to the discotech. They made it home an hour before Mary and I needed to be at the airport. Mary didn’t get any sleep that night so she slept on the plane back to Lima. We bought new tickets to fly into Lima a few days earlier so we could spend a solid week in Huraz. . We found a nice cab driver who took us to the bus station in Lima. He drove us around to 5 different bus stations until we found a safe one that had a bus that was leaving within a few hours. We took another 8 hour bus ride (this time during the day and the AC was broke) to the village in the Cordella Blanca mountain range, Huaraz. On the bus there, we got stuck in a couple of different towns for the Virgin de la Carmen parades. We watched American Pie 2 in Spanish with English subtitles
When we reached Huaraz that night, we easily found a hostel and settled in for some more acclimation. We had to work our way up, acclimating a little higher each day. The first hike we went on, we walked right out of the town through the countryside to the Monterey rock wall. It was a pretty cool hike through some fields, over and around a mountain. For the next hike we rented a guide, Marco, from Montrek and went up to Lago Churup (=lake of many colors), it was a good hike, longer than the last, and we took a bus to the trail and hiked up for 4 and a half hours to a lake on top of a mountain. I saw a huge bird (Condor?) on our way up. Our third hike was the best. We rented Marco again, but this time we also got a porter, Chaparito, tents, climbing and cold weather gear for a three day hike to Urus Mountain. We got mules and an arrayo (mule driver) and hiked for six hours all the way to the end of a valley where we pitched our tents. There were about 20 other tents of other climbers around us. We turned in early and woke up earlier. It was still dark out when we got up around 4 am, and we ate breakfast and proceeded to climb up the mountain. Chapirito left us at the edge of the glacier when we strapped our crampons and harnesses on. Marco led Mary and me to the peak. About 90% of the way up Mary and I felt like hell, we had to stop and catch our breath many times. The air was so thin we couldn’t breathe. I almost had to drag Mary to the top; she didn’t think she could make it. It was a great achievement to reach that peak and it felt good. That is until I got a headache from the altitude and had to run down to camp with the biggest pounding hangover I had ever felt. Mary and Marco got down a short while later while I was re-hydrating and trying to rest my head. Mary had some aspirin, which helped a little. We saw the most stars I had ever seen that night, including the Southern Cross. On the third day we had to hike out and back to Huaraz. We stayed another day in Huaraz, resting before our overnight bus ride back to Lima, for our flight back to the U.S.
We saw Matt and Anna at the airport (our friends from Maria’s’) who were on their way to Huaraz. We had a 8 hour layover until our flight so we locked our bags in lockers in the Lima airport and hopped a cab to Mira Flores (the nice, costal part of Lima). We had a couple of good meals including a seafood sampler that was excellent. The same cab driver who drove us there came back and returned us to the airport in time to fly back to New Jersey where we had another 5 hour layover. On the way down to Peru I had to go through security checks take my shoes off at least four times at various U.S. airports, on the way home they didn’t even open our bags. Mary had never seen NYC so we hoped on a train and cruised Broadway for a while. We had a good American lunch. Then we went back to the Jersey airport and flew back to D.C. where Adam, Mary’s brother picked us up.
Things to remember:
-everyone gets sick in Aguas Calientes
-drink lots of bottled water to help with the altitude
e-mail me if you have any questions or would like to see pics.
klugr27@ecc.edu
Posted by DJules on 2005-07-21 11:53:39
Post Subject:
I'm seconding the "just don't realize everything that gets done" remark!
This was something I had to work on (I've never been a stellar housekeeper) Just learning to "see" what needed to get done, and what little things I could do towards making my living space more pleasant. (I always had to be told what to do regarding housework when I was growing up and living with my folks - otherwise I would blithely ignore it. )
I've talked to DH about this - and asked him to try and start learning it as well, so I don't feel the full responsibility falls on my shoulders. And he has been, and it's helped. (I used to say in frustration that I was sure I could put a crumpled up paper towel in the middle of the floor, and it would stay there until I threw it away.)
Posted by the wire whisk on 2005-08-13 16:09:17
Post Subject:
thanks for all the advice. just needed to be told that it's perfectly fine for my husband to spend the weekend with his kids without me being included considering what has happened.
i know that there is no justifiable excuse for me "thrashing"(as in throwing things at my husband) my house. i just erupted (but not once did i include the kids in the argument). that was the day that my husband was at a dinner party at his mother's house in the snottiest suburb in CT/USA/world (which i did not attend since my hubby's mom could not seem to get over the fact that her daughter-in-law is the same race as her housekeeper's (that's another story) and he came home with his kids. now his kids are high maintainance and grew up accustomed to having someone clean up after them. i have been functioning as a maid every weekend without the parental authority to impose discipline. i just wanted a day off from all the mania and demands (like any other maid). if only i could afford to hire a helper to do the chores, i will. the mom was recently jailed because she left the 12yo daughter at a parking lot when the child threw a fit when she did not get the outfit she wanted. if it's difficult for their mom, it is doubly difficult for me who is still struggling to be accepted.
Moral of the story is think twice before getting oneself involve with a blended family because it is so much more difficult and the risks of failure
are high.
Posted by sarabell on 2005-08-02 16:44:09
Post Subject:
we've got some more tips in a similar thread in domestic bliss.
msfish - your comment reminds me of a dutch housekeeper we had for a while when i was a kid - my mom told her to keep an eye out for cobwebs and she was freaked out, thinking we had cockroaches!
Posted by Sewlittletime on 2005-08-14 10:27:13
Post Subject:
Hmmm..I have never been in a step-parent situation, but this certainly sounds frustrating. My take on this, however is that you and your husband should sit down and discuss these issues together and come to a resolution before sitting his kids down and discussin with them just how it's going to work in your household while they are there on weekends. For example, I think it's perfectly justifiable to have different rules in your own home, such as "You will pick up after yourselves." "You will treat your step-mother with respect." "There are consequences for not doing A, B, and C, and this is what they are." And stick to it as a team. Your husband needs to understand that it's not only difficult for his children, but difficult for you, and he needs to make it clear to his children that they are NOT to use you as their own personal housekeeper, and that you are part of the adult team responsible for their well-being and safety and that they must follow the rules that you both set up for your household. You don't say how long you've been married, and the kids may take a long while to at least "tolerate" you as an adult figure in their lives, but they need to know that the respect is non-negotiable. And I agree that you should apologize to them for your outburst. I don't think it is at all a sign of weakness to children to admit that you were angry at their father and lost it, but that you and he are working to make things better for all of you in the long run. How old are the kids now?
Posted by craftycarol on 2007-11-13 01:21:57
Post Subject: Housecleaning
Draw lines in all the rooms. Let him live on his side, and you live on yours. But remember...bugs can't read between the lines! You'll have to put up with it, or be his housekeeper as long as you can put up with his style of living.
Posted by stella on 2006-01-16 23:39:22
Post Subject:
check out "Other People's Dirt", i can't remember who it's by. the author is a housekeeper, and she gives good tips on hiring a housekeeper and maintaining a good relationship with him or her. she also gives a good argument against using a maid service. you may be paying $25 an hour, but the actual workers might get paid minimum wage.
i've never had a housekeeper, but my sister cleans people's houses, and since she doesn't work for anyone, it's a good gig. i can barely deal with my roommate's hair in the drain, though, so i can't imagine dealing with some random stranger's bodily secretions.
Posted by craftfetish on 2007-05-17 09:40:00
Post Subject:
um, ew.
I realize that it is expensive, but if he really is too lazy to clean, could he get a housekeeper?
Faced with the options of (1) cleaning up after himself, (2) living in squalor and never getting to be alone with his girlfriend or (3) finding some extra cash to have someone else clean up - I doubt he would take option 2. (or at least not for long)
Posted by marvy on 2004-12-30 10:32:23
Post Subject:
Hey Valagator, you should check out the book Clean House, Clean Planet by Karen Logan- it has tons of recipes for safe, natural cleaners to use around your house.
Last year's resolutions were:
1. Eat better (both healthier, and better prepared food)
2. Exercise more- even if it's just a walk around the neighborhood every evening.
3. Try to be a better housekeeper- I feel more calm and centered in a clean home.
4. Travel more!
5. (the big one) Get a new job; one that doesn't make me dread waking up in the a.m!
I have suceeded in only accomplishing #4, and for a few months, I was really good at keeping #2, but that has gone downhill in the last 3 months. For the new year, I think I'lll continue trying for all 5, and add a few new ones:
6. Get debt-free and start sacking away $$ for the future.
7. Expand my knitting skills.
8. Be a better listener.
9. Finish the home repairs we started this year.
10. Get over guilt of spending $$ on myself.
Posted by stella on 2007-03-13 14:58:58
Post Subject:
don't clean his house! sheesh, it's not your nasty-ass apartment, and it's not your job to take care of your lazy boyfriend.
my suggestion? stop cleaning up after him and tell him you don't want to go to his apartment any more because it's so unsanitary you don't want to spend time there. he might start picking it up if he wants to spend time with you there, or you might just end up hanging out in public places, but you won't be mothering him on his apartment any more. if he wants to keep it tidy but he doesn't know how or doesn't feel like he has the time, he can hire a housekeeper.
i will occasionally clean something (like the tub or stove or windows) for a friend who is too busy or having a hard time keeping up with cleaning, but i do NOT clean for people unless i am getting paid well.
in my experience, people have a level of cleanliness that they are comfortable with, and it's pretty much impossible to get them to change that. if he's happy in squalor, no matter how much you harrass him about it, he's probably not going to change. if it's something that really bothers you, this may not be a person you want to move in with.
Posted by Eli on 2006-04-23 00:05:54
Post Subject:
I am a housekeeper, and I don't think any of my clients are snobs. It's no different from hiring landscaping help, but for some reason, people feel weird about not having time to clean their own houses. If you don't have the time or inclination, then hire somebody.
Most of my clients are doctors or lawyers or therapists, so their time is worth too much to use it cleaning. So, I get a good wage ($15-20), and they get their time. And, since they all have professional degrees, they are all very flexible when exam time rolls around, and understand that my schedule changes quarterly-- this is VERY important to me. School is my priority, and housekeeping is just a job that I do in the meantime. I like it, but not for life.
I might get a housekeeper, someday, if I get busy and have the money.
Posted by anthrogirl on 2006-02-17 20:20:49
Post Subject:
Being a military wife you often find your self "single" quite a bit. It's nice to have that time to yourself.
I think it's wonderful that others find so much good in being single when others get too sourpussed over it. I know I didn't get all bent out of shape over it. Why would I?
Anthrogirl, I completely agree with your statement of not having to chose between being "coupled" or having an interesting life.
Over the years I've met a few military wives, and pretty much all of them felt the way you do. One such woman once told my mother that she felt a sigh of relief whenever her husband shipped off with his Coast Guard unit (they lived on the now-closed based near Liberty Island), because she didn't have him underfoot. She wasn't sure what he would do when he retired and was home all the time, because as much as she was happy when he was home, he spoiled all her routines!
Having time alone is essential for human growth, I think. We all need what Virginia Woolf called 'rooms of our own' in order to think, write, craft, dream. That's why I started this thread. It turns out that single women and married men have the longest life expectancies, and that on average, unmarried women are happier than married ones. When you think about it, it makes sense, since the work-load of a woman often doubles and triples after marriage as she's often cleaning and cooking for two and acting as the primary caregiver to children. Even if there is a housekeeper or nanny, she usually acts as the supervisor.
I already told my boyfriend that when he moves in, he should look forward to spending a nice amount of time alone, since we both havea tendency to be solitary. Thank goodness he has no problem with that, and he enjoys cooking as much as I do.
Posted by mrs_stroozi on 2006-01-03 14:23:21
Post Subject:
I second anthrogirl's recommendation to get an old copy of Joy of Cooking for anyone looking to learn to cook. It's a marvelous learning cookbook! I would also recommend Fanny Farmer, the old Boston School of Cooking bible. I learned from Fanny Farmer, because my boss (I worked as a cook and housekeeper in Cape Cod that summer) preferred it, and I still use my old 1985 copy almost every week. Can't beat Fanny's brownie recipe!
Also, FlyLady.net is one of the bestest and most straighforward methods I've ever used for organizing and simplifying my life. I don't follow her system religiously, but if it wasn't for her my life would be a quivering mess of pasty spaghetti and hair on the floor. I HIGHLY recommend Ms. FlyLady!
My resolutions are simple -
.Walk 15 minutes a day. And once I'm used to that, add more time or more visits to the gym.
.Curb my snacking and improve my eating in general so I will lose 1/2 to 1 lb a week until I'm down 10 lbs, and then eat to maintain that weight.
.Be a better friend: answer eMail and phone calls more regularly, remember birthdays, etc.
.Make it through my first semester of grad school without damaging myself or anyone in my family.
.Update my Quicken accounts and balance my checkbook in a timely manner.
.Don't forget I'm a creative person and make sure to always have a project going!
Posted by delqc on 2006-06-29 11:06:05
Post Subject:
* reuseable cloth pads, or a diva cup or keeper. How much money do y'all spend on "feminine hygeine" products a month? Seriously. It's silly.
* cloth napkins. No paper plates. No paper cups. NO.
* walk, ride your bike, take transit, and do as much as you can in one trip. Get the most fuel-efficient car you can afford, and look after it. This CANNOT be said enough. Also, keep tires pumped up to optimal pressure - saves lots of gas. Take stuff out of the trunk if you don't really need it in there.
* planned menus where you buy what you NEED for those meals, plus a few staples in the pantry for when you can't get to the grocery store (like pasta and tomato sauce, beans and rice, etc)
*packed lunches, breakfast at home, minimal eating out (we eat out about once a week). Bring your coffee with you in a thermos. I buy a small carton of milk at work, and bring teabags and sugar. I think my daily tea or two at work probably costs less than $0.10/day. Some of my colleagues spend almost $10 on lattes every day!
*offer things you don't need to friends and family, and ask for things you DO need. Our bookshelf and all of our dishes at the apt. came from one of my partner's friends who got all of theirs replaced as wedding presents. Halloween costumes get passed around the family so that they can be "new" again. Borrow what you will only need once.
* do repairs (house, car, etc) properly. It will cost you more in the long run if you skimp and then something goes drastically wrong.
* wearing classic styles and purchasing minimal clothes. I have 3 pairs of jeans: a dressy pair, a casual pair, and a gardening pair. That's it. And I don't get new ones until one really does die - the gardining pair already has several holes that are patched, and I have re-attached the buttons to the casual pair like 3 times.
* dates can be very cheap, like a picnic in a park, a bike ride in the countryside (my favourite date ever), or a walk through a museum. Many museeums/galleries have free or cheap days; learn what they are and enjoy them as dates. Enjoy public things, ike watching a peewee softball game, swimming in a local lake, enjoying high school football. These things are a lot more rewarding (and far less consumerist) than professional sports or expensive activities.
* some things are worth spending money on. We have nice bikes that we use often, and they are expensive, but they are also our main recreation. We don't need gym memberships because of the bikes, and we use them to travel on vacations. We also have a housekeeper, but it allows us to have more time to cook our own meals, study, and work, so it is worth it.
Posted by mrs_stroozi on 2006-01-18 13:49:52
Post Subject:
There's FlyLady.net online, who does a great job establishing organization and cleaning routines in your everyday life. I try to FLY as much as I can, and the house, although not the absolute cleanest, is much better than it could be, and my family helps out more just because they see me do it and appreciate the results.
A past comment on how someone didn't know how to housekeep well makes me wonder how well I'm training my daughter and son to keep house. I'm not very good at it, and I wonder if I am hurting their futures. My mother was a superb housekeeper but I don't think I trained well off of her, either.
Posted by redheadedali on 2005-02-19 12:36:22
Post Subject:
Name: Alison
Age: 28
Location: Dallas, TX
Status: Living with boyfriend of 11 (yes, 11) years; no kids
Pet: 1 cat - Willow - who I rescued from a no-kill organization and who promptly turned into the world's most spoiled diva cat
I collect: Hello Kitty stuff (I have much love for the Kitty), more books than I could ever hope to read, more craft supplies than I could ever hope to use
I've been beading since I was in high school, and it is still one of my favorite crafts (off-loom weaving and wire wrapping). I also recently learned to knit and picked up crocheting again after a loooong sabbatical, and I love them both. I also like to do collage, though I'm not especially good at it as of yet. I hate cooking and am not a good housekeeper.
I have one tattoo - a sun with a crescent moon in the center in the small of my back. I am pondering getting a couple more. I am also thinking of getting my belly button pierced so I can have a Hello Kitty navel ring - it seemed more advisable than the Hello Kitty tattoo I thought about getting for about 30 seconds.
I am a high school librarian, and I LOVE to read - lots of young adult lit, obviously, plus poetry and anything else that catches my fancy. I just finished Jonathan Stragne and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke, which I enjoyed very much; I also love Meg Cabot, Nick Hornby, Francesca Lia Block, Jane Austen, Neil Gaiman, C.S. Lewis, and J.R.R. Tolkien - I wrote my honors thesis on college on Lewis and Tolkien, back before they were trendy. In terms of music, I'm pretty eclectic - I like a little bit of just about everything. Lately, I've been into Aimee Mann, Elliott Smith, The Arcade Fire, Bright Eyes, and Beth Waters. I love, love, love movies and anything by Joss Whedon (I'm in the middle of watching season 3 of Angel on DVD right now). I'm also sort of fantical about Gilmore Girls.
I like Dr. Pepper more than any right thinking person should.
I guess that's sort of me in a nutshell. I'm so glad I found the get crafty boards. It's awesome to know that there are so many other awesome crafty girls out there. :)
Posted by keeeen on 2005-02-18 16:56:28
Post Subject:
Name: Autumn
Location: Twin Cities
Age: 27
Married, 3 kidlets Iryche 8, Zadye 4, and Aiko 2
Pets: 6 yo orangey cat Osiris and brand new 2 mo shih tzu Odin
I collect: too much, dad was/is an antique dealer and I started at an early age, I've got Bakelite jewelry and am working on a collection of Bakelite handled kitchen utensils to hang on my kitchen walls once I get that ugly country heart wallpaper off it, anything thats glass and cobalt blue (amazing how much a color can touch your soul), craft supplies, especially fabric, have gobs that I buy at thrift stores, estate sales, loving the "ugly vintage" patterns lately...old plastic purses..rag rugs I find for 50 cents at garage sales...antiques christmas decorations, all things asian...
I have more neat ideas to try crafting than I actually do...one of the reasons I like this board, I live vicariously...my kids love to sew with me tho I don't do anything with a pattern or a machine, and sewing everything by hand takes a long time, I'm afraid of sewing machines tho, when I was five i was using my moms and sewed thru my finger...I do enjoy crosstitching, jewelry and ornament making, candle making, coloring with crayons and building with legos, recently discovered solder and glue guns and am thrilled at the possiblilties
I try to read every book that comes into my house, have a tough time with non-fiction tho unless its anthropological case studies, usually only get thru a couple pages otherwise. I have recently been into James Clavell, Shel Silverstein, Sandra Boynton, and getcrafty forums
I go thru huge phases with my music, listen to something from every genre, definately not a snob, I get too many pop and hip hop songs seared into my head for that. All time favs are Eartha Kitt, Billie Holiday, Beastie Boys, Beatles, Vivaldi, I like zydeco, old bluegrass, Bollywood, early nineties rap, late nineties techno, anything that makes me feel something
I like typing in run-on sentences...
I like to cook even tho my family is beyond picky...I can get the man and the youngest to eat a lot of Indian food right now which is good, its on the top of my list...I am definately a carnivore, altho I feel I should actually go hunt once to make me not take for granted the animals that I eat
I'm an awful housekeeper, I think there are too many other things that are more important to be doing then cleaning undermy refrigerator...I am also definately less stressed when my house IS clean...quandries galore...I don't make my kids get out of the mud puddles, or leave the bathtub when they've realized with their clothes still on, the water never got drained from the night before, we have flour and powdered sugar fights when making rosettes, there is glitter and playdoh on the floor behind me from half an hour ago when I started this post and the culprits I believe are downstairs watching one of daddy's kung fu movies
Posted by blackeyejoe on 2005-05-05 08:49:54
Post Subject:
I am a horrible housekeeper and i am a SAHM who has no excuse to live like this other than I have been a lazy bum. LOL But what I have found to be useful for me (and I have tried many things like flylady (absolutely HATED the testimonials)) is that I will pick a thing that needs done and before I even start I will offer myself a reward for doing a good job. Like today, the kitchen is a mess and I can't stand it any more. One of my children actually has dishes as the chore but has failed to do it except basics for the last several days. So that is my chore for today (don't worry, this child will be given another chore in its place) I told myself that if I get all of the dishes done then I can go and watch one of my favorite movies while laying on my bed this afternoon. This is the only way that I can motivate myself. And after that chore is done then I move on to the next thing that needs done. Such as... the bathroom needs cleaned again so when I get that one done then I will allow myself some time to work on the mothers day cards that I am making. I don't reward myself EVERY time but do it enough to keep me going and so that you can see some visible progress in our home.
Just works for me.
Posted by appleseeds on 2006-02-27 08:28:03
Post Subject:
This helps me....A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN IT'S PLACE.
Another thing that helps me, is cleaning as I go so, that I don't feel like I've wasted time cleaning...does that make sense? And with the dishes, if for some horrid reason they were left overnight, I do them as the coffee brews....this is something that a few of my friends have picked up on and they tell me it really works for them.
One more thing that helps is to pretend that tons of people who you would not want to see any mess or clutter in your home is coming over to stay! I do this and I clean like there's no tomorrow. ....I come from a Southern family and it's typical for Southern families to clean once a week...my bf can't believe it when I tell him that my Granny used to move all the furniture once a week (except for the china cabinet) to vacuum!! It's true. And one of my chores growing up was to wax/dust all the wood furniture. I also HAD to make my bed everyday and nothing was allowed to pile up...if something did pile up during the week, you better bet your hiney I was cleaning it/organizing it etc on Saturday!
Growing up I hated it all...I loathed my mom for making me do such evil things but, now as an adult (ahha) I appreciate it to no end. I couldn't be happier to know that I'm a great housekeeper, cook, seamstress, gardener and more because I was taught how to be all of that by the women in my family. There's a lot to be said about teaching your kids to make their own bed and simple household chores and tasks.....maybe they'll choose to be a slob when they are older and that's fine but, atleast it will then be a choice. I have so many friends that don't know how to keep a house and all I can think in horror is...your mom didn't teach you how? I really enjoy sharing household keeping stuff with my friends.
Posted by philokitty on 2004-12-14 00:34:34
Post Subject: feminism and domesticity
Boy, this really struck a chord in me. What started out as a one paragraph reply got considerably more lengthy real quick. I hope you don’t mind. This is a really important issues for me and it feels good just to get it out there. Thanks for your indulgence!
I belong to the first generation of American-borns in my family. My whole life I have experienced conflict between what my family has taught me (obey husband, cook, clean) and the opportunities that America has to offer (career, independence, autonomy). Although my grandmothers, aunts, and mother instilled these traditional values into me, I observed how miserable they actually were practicing these very values. In practicing complacency, they became very restless and unsatisfied. I observed how they regretted never pursuing their dreams and their missed opportunities for self-actualization. And I mourned the poets, artists, inventors, and CEOs they could have been.
Thus, I resolved that this would not be my fate. I enthusiastically rejected traditional women’s roles and proudly embrace feminist ideals. I was certain that I would live a perfectly fulfilling, productive life as a single woman on her own, as her own person, happily without a man to lordeth over her. I looked forward to earning my own money. I dreamt about the house I was going to buy. I was going to break up the boys club and become a respected scholar. I was also convinced that I would never marry, as there did not exist an enlightened man who was down with my brand of feminism. I told all my friends that since I was never going to have kids, I would not need to marry. I was so pleased to have been born into a society that gave me this new free life. Ah, it was beautiful! I was full of hope, full of confidence, full of potential.
And then I met my husband.
Fortunately, he has no interest in lording over me. He supports my continuing education, my goals, my autonomy, and he respects all my feminist ideals. He is a brilliant, decent man. However, we are still products of our environment, no?
Yes, we sat down together and consciously decided NOT to repeat the sins of our parents. He would do his share of the housework. I was not expected to have dinner and his slippers ready at the door when he got back from work. He would not emotionally withdraw into ESPN. I would not have to ask him permission to make any purchases. We would make decisions together; we were life partners, after all. We expected to negotiate, we expected some compromise. But then reality hits. The bills. The dreaded routine of life.
Neither of us could have predicted the oh-so-subtle descent into our prescribed gender roles. They gradually revealed themselves the first year of our marriage. He has more earning potential than I do, so he went to work right away. (That left me at home with a whole lot of nothing to do.) I hate taking out the trash, so he agreed to do it. He is better at fixing the cars, so he took that responsibility over from me. I am actually better than him at some housework, so I took that on.
It did not take long. I became very concerned with whether the toilet bowl was sparkling white. He stopped making the bed. I rearranged furniture.
It was quite shocking. There I was, a college graduate, a feminist, a freethinker, and now a housewife. I have been changing the oil in my car, by myself, since I was sixteen, but I was not ready for this. I could not prepare for the utter dismay I felt, nor could anybody have warned me. My new status as a “wife” really made me question all the values and knowledge that I thought I had. I went through all the stages: anger, denial, depression, bargaining, acceptance. There are probably more.
Denial: No, I’m not really a housewife. It’s just that I’m taking a break from school. Ya, I do the laundry while he’s at work. Ya, I make most of the dinners. Ya, I sit around on my ass most of the day. But, I’m applying to Master’s Programs. I’m catching up on projects. I’m being creative. I’m not a housewife, OK? (followed by nervous laughter)
Anger: What the hell! I did not get two bachelor’s degrees so I could pick up some man’s socks! Why doesn’t he change the friggin’ toilet paper? Why does society have such screwed up expectations of women: do all the housework, demand we look like a super model, don’t complain. It’s not fair!
Depression: God, I suck. I’m just like my mother. I’ve sold myself out; I’m just perpetuating the patriarchal cycle. I now completely understand why 50’s housewives were raging alcoholics and drug addicts. Cocktails, anyone?
Bargaining: OK, I can do this for a couple of months. Just till I get a good job. No big deal. This is temporary.
(After a year…..) OK, I can do this for a couple of years. Just till he’s done with law school. Then I will go to school, get a career, and hire a housekeeper. (ya, right!)
Acceptance? This is a tricky one. Although I have accepted my new role (despite being the only female in my peer group that is not out in the world kicking but and working), and I have resolved to make peace with my domesticity (by getting in touch with my inner craftiness and trying to make our home beautiful and comfortable), I do NOT accept the expectations that go along with it.
For example, everybody wants to know when we are having kids. When we are having kids? That is so far down on my list of priorities right now. We are more concerned with how we are going to afford groceries this week. But, I digress.
Once in awhile, my husband leaves the dishes for me to do. We both slip up occasionally. The point being that it is a constant struggle for both of us. I must remind myself that just as I had my female relatives telling me that I would never find a husband because I have tattoos, and that I should never act smarter than my future husband, my husband also had his jerky male relatives telling him how to cow his future wife. It’s a friggin’ full time job to consciously stop those negative patterns and create and maintain new, healthy ones. But in a society that does not value women’s contributions unless they enter a traditionally male dominated field, change comes very slowly, if at all.
In the meantime, I am down with the “New Domesticity” Movement. Crafts have helped me deal with my gender role confusion. They are meditative and calming. I have learned new ways to express my creativity, my spirituality, and even my politics. I have gained great respect for so called ‘women’s work.’ Just like yourself, I have also experienced “how empowering, liberating, and validating the domestic arts can be.”
But it comes at a cost. My single friends don’t understand and have lost some respect for me. They think I am completely out of my mind when I get excited over some beautiful new yarn I bought. It’s not their fault; I had led everyone to believe that If I ever learned how to cook, it meant that I had finally succumbed to the brainwashing ads on TV, and I might as well just die. Last week my girlfriend asked in horror, “You don’t do his laundry, do you?” Well yes, I do. Her silence in response spoke volumes. So I continue in my attempt to forge a balance between being a "wife" (whatever that means) and being my own woman.
The question still remains. Have I healthily adjusted to my new role or am I just being complacent? Only time will tell. I suppose if I am lamenting to my future daughter about how I never finished my master’s degree, I will know for sure that I screwed up. On the other hand, if I am lamenting to my future daughter about how I never finished my master’s degree, but she has completed hers, I would not feel like a total loser. My hope is that, one day, I have that novel published, and my future daughter gets hers published, too.
