Posted by craftylikeafox on 2005-11-02 13:20:50
Post Subject: Check out my kitschy/subversive craft kit website!
craftylikeafox.ca
I've recently gotten my craft kits business on the web and I'm eager to spread the word and find out what people think. I have two series so far, the "Hardcore Chick" series featuring portraits of awesome ladies in pop culture, and the "Housewife" series featuring ladies from 1950's ads.
Before the end of November, the "Sassy Samplers" (larger cross stitches featuring text that reads "I love sex", "cats are the new babies", "high heels bring us down" or "don't patronize me") and my brand new line of rug-hooking kits will be available just in time for Xmas.
Check me out!
Posted by Vigilantesjustice on 2007-01-11 14:48:46
Post Subject: Food storage options?
Hi everyone! I am a housewife in a family of two and I always make way too much food for the two of us. I also like to buy in bulk staple items like meats and cheeses, and I vegetable garden (I think my neighbors are sick of the bell peppers I keep shoving on them). Does anyone have a Foodsaver, or anything like that? I keep seeing them at stores, and the commercial makes them seem nearly indispensable. I am interested in product reviews, suggestions, and alternatives. Also, if anyone has any great canning recipes, I'm all about that as well!
Thank you,
Corinne
Posted by MorriganSlayde on 2004-07-06 13:11:15
Post Subject:
Oh wow, a box of fabric? If I could aquire that it would be so wonderful. I'm a housewife of a soldier in the military and don't get out much so I spend my time sewing, but I just got my sewing machine and really need the practice and more fabric because I have very little. I hope I can have even just a little or some scraps you have leftover from anything. :)
Posted by Vigilantesjustice on 2007-06-04 11:33:12
Post Subject:
Books I read:
Women and Money: Owning the power to control your Destiny by Suze Orman -I love Suze and her no nonsense style, and this book can earn me a hundred bucks. Fo'shizzle!
Give it Up! My Year of Learning to live Better With Less by Mary Carlomagno - I found this dissapointing. It's more personal memoir than big picture. Not what I was looking for.
Retro Housewife: A Salute to the Suburban Superwoman by Kristin Tillotson - Fun drivel with plenty of vintage images and ads.
You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Handbook for Grown-Up Girls by Lauren Catuzzi Grancolas -This book should be owned by everyone born bearing a uterus. I also highly recommend it to people without said organ. I've got 4 badges already, and I'm working on 2 more!
Books I didn't really *read* but used:
The Knitting Answer Book by Margaret Radcliffe
The Embroidery Stitch Bible by Betty Barnden
Posted by anthrogirl on 2006-02-17 19:51:59
Post Subject:
For a woman:
floozie
skirt
dame
chick
hen
babe
hoochie
mama
honey
baby
sweetie
lady lawyer
lady doctor
nun
virgin
maid
madam
madame
miss
fishwife
wife
harridan
harpy
siren
cockteaser
Venus
housewife
homemaker
Suzy Creamcheese
slut
whore
'ho
bad girl
angel
town pump
dyke
lezzie
lesbian
'athletic type'
diesel dyke
'businesswoman' (prostitute)
'working girl'
virago
bluestocking
suffragette
lady of the town
'of a certain age'
bitch
fox
vixen
lamb
witch
hag
cow
beast (applied differently to men and women)
cunt
sow
old maid
spinster
mother
grandmother
aunt
sister
niece
mistress (both owner and a man's sexual companion)
cooze
princess
girl
gal
daddy's little girl (pampered woman)
adventuress (woman who uses sexual wiles to live the high life)
tom-boy
lady
For men:
fox
bastard (a man born our of wedlock)
sugar daddy
daddy
prick
beast (usually a sexually aggressive man)
animal
gigolo
bachelor
homo
pillow biter
shirt lifter (both terms are for gay men who play the 'passive role')
'light on his feet'
fag
bloke
fellow
butch
guy
boy
he-man
milquetoast (a weak man, 'womanish')
Little Lord Fauntleroy (a man who is feminine or overly fancy in dress and manner)
mince (an effeminate gay man)
nancy (ditto)
joe
john
John Q. Public
The man on the street
mister
master (both owner and young man)
son of a bitch
father
brother
son
uncle
nephew
maestro
doctor
lawyer
man about town
playboy
mama's boy (emasculated man)
eunuch
adventurer
gentleman
lord
Posted by kateastrophe on 2006-02-17 21:09:43
Post Subject:
For a woman:
floozie
skirt
dame
chick
hen
babe
hoochie
mama
honey
baby
sweetie
lady lawyer
lady doctor
nun
virgin
maid
madam
madame
miss
fishwife
wife
harridan
harpy
siren
cockteaser
Venus
housewife
homemaker
Suzy Creamcheese
slut
whore
'ho
bad girl
angel
town pump
dyke
lezzie
lesbian
'athletic type'
diesel dyke
'businesswoman' (prostitute)
'working girl'
virago
bluestocking
suffragette
lady of the town
'of a certain age'
bitch
fox
vixen
lamb
witch
hag
cow
beast (applied differently to men and women)
cunt
sow
old maid
spinster
mother
grandmother
aunt
sister
niece
mistress (both owner and a man's sexual companion)
cooze
princess
girl
gal
daddy's little girl (pampered woman)
adventuress (woman who uses sexual wiles to live the high life)
tom-boy
lady
For men:
fox
bastard (a man born our of wedlock)
sugar daddy
daddy
prick
beast (usually a sexually aggressive man)
animal
gigolo
bachelor
homo
pillow biter
shirt lifter (both terms are for gay men who play the 'passive role')
'light on his feet'
fag
bloke
fellow
butch
guy
boy
he-man
milquetoast (a weak man, 'womanish')
Little Lord Fauntleroy (a man who is feminine or overly fancy in dress and manner)
mince (an effeminate gay man)
nancy (ditto)
joe
john
John Q. Public
The man on the street
mister
master (both owner and young man)
son of a bitch
father
brother
son
uncle
nephew
maestro
doctor
lawyer
man about town
playboy
mama's boy (emasculated man)
eunuch
adventurer
gentleman
lord
I hope this helps. I know I left some out.
hi, can i please have your babies?
seriously though, that's amazing thank you very much.
Posted by MissAmyO on 2007-01-12 15:29:57
Post Subject:
Thanks LuluB! I think the 50's housewife is the direction I'm going- and all the way! A girlfriend and I are going to hand make the invitations and mail them (no E-vite this time) and add a couple of mixer games. It's also a women in business networking gig so I think the extra kitsch fun will add to the ease and comfort.
Now, where does one find a giant punch bowl in 2007...
Posted by PamTheQueen on 2005-05-09 10:57:17
Post Subject:
I am going to take a risk right now and ask if I can have your newspaper job!!!??
My last big jump was when I went from being a housewife with an audience of 3 little boys to a MC/DJ/Entertainer with an audience of hundreds (well, the average is 300/event) talking over a microphone and (hopefully!) playing the right songs to keep the dance floor full. Almost a decade later, I am still feeling like every time I step in front of the crowd I am taking a big risk. But that is part of the thrill, too.
I've never had to take a financial risk related to a job (other than investing thousands of $$ in equipment and music, which is now paid for). I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing. I think bad. I think having my husband's nice cushy income as a backup makes me not try as hard as I might if I had to feed the family and pay the bills with my earnings. I know I have the ability to reach further with my skills, but i'm being lazy because I can be. Even with the purchase of our new home and having money tighter than it has been since our early marriage I know I can still be lazy. Ugh.
Posted by revafisheye on 2005-01-05 11:26:30
Post Subject:
While I love some of the artists mentioned - Seurat, Kahlo, Rothko - and some not - Boccioni, Kandinsky - my hands down, no question favorite is Keith Haring. My fantasy piece would be one of his subway drawings:
http://www.haring.com/art/subway/tvs_angels06.html
or this totem from the Milan '84 show:
http://www.haring.com/art/milan/ttm1.htm
And just to freak people (and myself) out, I would love a sculpture by Duane Hansen:
http://www.batguano.com/bgma/housewife.jpg
Yes, that's a sculpture. Freaky!
Posted by cinderellen on 2004-08-31 22:24:01
Post Subject: crafty heritage
My parents were also born during the Depression. I think that's one reason why Mom learned to do so many things, and to teach me to do so many. She started teaching me to cook when I was four years old, and to embroider. My the time I was out of high school I could sew, crochet, knit and cook. I knew how to make jam and pickles, and could get a family meal on the table all at the same time and all piping hot from whatever we happened to have in the kitchen. I could shop for groceries, do laundry and cleaning for a family and balance a checkbook. I tell people I was trained to be a 50's housewife. I think these days these skills are underrated, but what is the point of having a good job and coming home to chaos?
We made all of our special occasion clothes, and most of our school clothes. Mom taught all of the neighborhood ladies to crochet and did everyone's taxes. We also cut each others hair - sometimes with good results, and sometimes not!
Mom is still learning new things - in recent years she's learned to quilt, play the guitar, do faux painting techniques in her home, and has taken up oil painting. Her mother and sister are crafty, her father and brothers are handy (some living and some not, but I don't want to mix tenses). One of my brothers is handy and one not. My sister is crafty too.
My oldest girl is crafty and a fine cook, my son likes to cook for friends and knows how to crochet and do small home repairs (16 and learning), but my younger daughter has no interest at all in crafts of any kind.
For a long time I thought it was a generational thing, but it seems hand crafts of all kinds are coming back. I think cheap, flashy goods are losing their appeal and younger crafters are learning to appreciate the magic of handmade goods.
Posted by anthrogirl on 2006-02-07 09:42:46
Post Subject:
One other thing: by the time Betty Friedan wrote, black middle class women in cities had already started turning their Sundday social s and women's clubs into vehicles for change. Non-white women and poor white women already knew that it was extremely difficult to balance marriage, family, and outside work; it was Friedan's myth that women could 'have it all'. The truth is that no human being can have it all. Sacrifices and choices have to be made all the time. The only way any woman can have it all is if she hires another woman to do her cleaning and find help in the raising of children- in other words, the only way for a woman to not be a housewife is to hire a part-time surrogate, unless her husband is willing to stay home and do the work himself. But if housewives are viewed as neurotic, uneducated, simple-minded, and confused- what political and economic position does that give women who clean houses and act as nannies? And what does it say about most feminists that they aren't addressing the exploitation of women by other women?
Working at home is hard work. Even with timesavers, it often requires back-breaking labor that is boring and repetitious. Talking to children all day destroys the mind's ability to think, especially if women are discouraged by society at large and other women in their circle to keep their minds and ideas limber. But simply going out, becoming a lawyer, and hiring Jewel or Conchita or Gayle to clean your house or pick up your kids from nursery because you're too busy, and then feeling such contempt for the cleaner or nanny that you don't pay her what someone would have to pay you in order to do that kind of work- we already have one sex that's quite adept at that kind of exploitation. I'm a teacher, and I don't want to clean all day, either. But there are ways of making that job less miserable, just like there are ways of not exploiting other women. It's one of thereasons I don't have children, and why I'll have to make at least $100,000 a year before I can hire a cleaning lady- because I think the job is worth at least $100 an hour.
The reason I think these issues don't get addressed is because middle-class and wealthy white women have always had a dirty little secret- and that secret has been seeing some women as less human than others simply because they are poor. There is no other way to explain why many feminists have not defended the rights of women on welfare to raise their children safely, which otfen means staying home to keep them out of trouble, or why many feminists have not tackled the issue of what housework is really worth- and what they should pay their housekeepers. Is it truly feminist to breed like a bunny, use medications and in vitro fertilization to start your family late, insist that the world cough up enough raw resources for your little darling- and then deprive another woman of a decent living wage and in some cases the right to see her children? Micht it not be more feminist to discourage women above a certain economic line to stop having children, and to use that money to give health care and a pay raise to their housekeepers, who are often raising children on the poverty line and who do not have the same resouces for their kids? Perhaps some women could uplift other women by paying for a poor child's education, instead of spending ridiculous sums of money on breeding a child for someone else to raise. Women in the US have not fought as hard for daycare and work creches as they have in other countries, because they can hire someone to push the stroller. What if they showed their feminism by working for all children to be given a decent start in life, and for all women to be educated to whatever level they wished, without money being a problem? Then the women who stayed home or became housekeepers would be better educated people and probably more capable at their jobs- but then we'd have the problem of many of them getting uppity and not wanting to work for other women, right? Which is one reason the Civil Rights movement started.
Posted by girlsavage on 2005-05-12 17:13:36
Post Subject:
Wow Jean, when do you get time to shower? I'm so glad you want to reclaim the term "housewife"!!!! I think I may have to do a pillow along those lines!;) I was disappointed when reading the Do and Don't section in my new Galmour magazine; 37% said it was a do to call yourself a housewife and 63% said it was a don't! Very dissapointed! I take pride in calling myself a housewife!!!
Posted by Katrin on 2005-08-11 10:53:20
Post Subject:
Maybe this isn't really a recipe, but I do remember the worst food my mom ever made. I'm sure she got the recipe from some '70s housewife magazine.
Spread evenly in a casserole pan and chill:
Bottom layer: Chicken salad. Ordinary innocent chicken salad with mayo, celery etc.
Top layer: Raspberry Jello made with TOMATO JUICE instead of water.
She made this a couple times to serve at her women's group luncheons. Fortunately we kids didn't have to eat much of it. Disgusting.
Posted by sjkmaurice on 2005-08-11 11:24:59
Post Subject:
Maybe this isn't really a recipe, but I do remember the worst food my mom ever made. I'm sure she got the recipe from some '70s housewife magazine.
Spread evenly in a casserole pan and chill:
Bottom layer: Chicken salad. Ordinary innocent chicken salad with mayo, celery etc.
Top layer: Raspberry Jello made with TOMATO JUICE instead of water.
She made this a couple times to serve at her women's group luncheons. Fortunately we kids didn't have to eat much of it. Disgusting.
Posted by kittensrme on 2005-08-22 02:14:02
Post Subject:
Where I work there's a poster of Jessica Simpson in her underwear pushing a Swiffer sweeper that says "Housewife of the Year." She'd probably never even seen a Swiffer sweeper before that shoot! I'd go on, but I'm afraid I'd just start rambling... I like to think that if I were a superhero, Jessica Simpson would be my arch-nemesis.
Posted by anthrogirl on 2006-01-04 17:58:04
Post Subject: Thanks muchly!
Thanks muchly. I simply am who I am. In high school one of my friends was the daughter of a college professor and a former research scientist. Mom had given up doing tests on bunnies to become a belly dancer. Dad collected old junk and restored them to their antique state. Their house was beautiful. They had a swing for the parents and three kids in the basement. My mother felt they were scandalous- she and my dad had once been a party where this woman had danced professionally. It was one thing to ogle a belly dancer or take lessons for exercize, but what kind of woman actually gave up a CAREER to become a professional?
I still think they were some of the most alive and ethical people I'd ever met. Ditto my mom's outrageous friend Kitty, who worked as a barmaid and wore Pucci-inspired clothing and had a major wig collection. I always found that the women who lived on the borders were the most entertaining.
I understand about creativity. I only view myself as being semi-domestic. I hate cleaning. I just like the creative part. But people assume I want to be some latter-day housewife, which I don't. I once told a friend that I wanted to stay home, make crafts, and cook all day, and maybe wear pearls while vacuuming- he thought I'd become anti-feminist. Nope. I just wanted to be an artist and dress in a way that would make a commentary on people's assumptions about women who work from home.
They're really great. I get one every year. She's got lots of fun useful stuff in there, including a divider every month (on which is the entire month), then the months are broken down into weeks. She's always got note paper, and a couple of pockets. She throws in people's birthdays, moon phases, holidays and little activities and stuff, too. Every year she's got this goofy, wise-ass kind of theme, too. They always look really sharp.
I think the extra paper and pockets come in really handy. One of these days, I'm gonna make my own as well, because I think it's a really grand idea. You can put whatever you want in it, you know? What kinds of things do you use a planner for? If it were me, I'd add things like to-do lists, lists for monthly or weekly goals, things like that.
Hope that provides some inspiration! I think it's great that you're making your own.
Posted by violetkarma on 2004-11-12 03:46:16
Post Subject:
a housewife...cooking, cleaning, and crafting all day long
a spa reviewer
a vegan food critic
or a mattress tester. There's got to be SOMEONE who tests out how comfy a mattress is before they put it on the market, right? I would come to work in my pajamas and proceed to sleep for 8 hours. Then, I wake up and review the mattress's comfiness. The next 16 hours of the day would be mine to do whatever I wanted.
Posted by alterego on 2004-07-23 12:55:24
Post Subject:
Did anyone ever read the play printed in the Nation last spring (I think?) about Laura Bush reading stories to the children that had been killed in . . . some American conflict--I can't remember now whether it was Afghanistan, new Iraq, or old Iraq. She was trying to explain to them why it was "okay" for them to die, but she was also horrified that these poor children were dying, and her character came across as very kind-hearted and caring, and resentful of her husband, a bit subversive, even. It was quite entertaining, and it caused me to subconsciously attribute the qualities of the character Laura Bush to the real woman. Which may or may not be accurate--but why is she so damn quiet and subservient? Or why does she present herself that way? Like the Ariana Huffington article said, " has chosen to take on the image of the perfect 1950s sitcom housewife." Why would a person do that? She seems like a woman who's never been happy as an adult.
In response to soapandwater's question about why Fox News is so conservative, you should read Al Franken's Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, which is largely a rebuttal to the conservative media's accusations that there's a liberal bias in the media. Then it attacks all the major right-wing news personalities and pundits individually. I'm reluctant to accept everything Franken says as truth because, like I said, it's a rebuttal, and given the opportunity, I'm sure the right-wingers would pick apart (and have picked apart) Franken's statements just as he has theirs. And it's not really fair to say, well, Al has had his say, the argument ends here, Al wins! (Even though I am inclined to believe everything he says.) Anyway, it's really funny and accessible, and it's a good place to start if you know very little about the right-wing media. It give you the big names (including media magnate Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox News and all other Fox companies), summaries of who's who, what they've said and why, and why everything they say is bullshit.
Posted by literaryvamp on 2005-09-15 12:42:10
Post Subject:
After months of waiting, I was a little disappointed. I knew Luke would say yes, but it was a total downer the way they both reacted. Yes it's a shock, but seriously, you're getting married! I do think that the kiss at the end made up for all that though. Luke looks like a good kisser!
I'm scared that Lorelai did it because she needed something happy in her life. Something to take the focus off Rory - a substitute if you will. Speaking of Rory, she looks like she's put on some weight. She looks good. I think it's fine that Rory's taking a break from school. I just wish that she'd take a break from Logan as well.
Conspiracy Theory: Does anyone think that Logan's dad purposely "dissed" Rory's reporting skills in order to turn her into the housewife that his family desires for Logan? I don't think Rory's cut-throat enough for the news biz. I can see her working for a magazine, or writing a column, but I can't see her surviving as a hard-news reporter overseas. Maybe Logan's dad really did do her a favor.
Posted by kindarana on 2005-11-01 01:04:30
Post Subject:
I student teach at a middle school, where they try to downplay Halloween for various reasons. So I went ahead and dressed up as a desperate housewife, in my matching sporty sweatsuit and too much makeup for exercise.
No one got it, but I wasn't really trying to get noticed either.
Posted by jean on 2005-05-12 16:07:49
Post Subject:
i'm jean. i don't know how to label myself any more! i haven't had a day job since i was pregnant with my first son, but i write, run this web site and am slowly earning a master's degree at nyu in food studies (yes, food studies!). i run my household, but my husband co-parents with me (he's a professor and his university gives parents part-time work for full-time salary for one year after their baby is born) and occasionally cooks and often cleans, but i'm the brains behind the whole venture, which means i grocery shop and set the kid's schedule, make the doctor's appointments, that sort of stuff.
and most of the time i have no idea what i'm doing, but i'm getting better at it.
i've been thinking about reclaiming the title housewife or even homemaker. stay at home mom just doesn't feel right. and domestic queen is so played out.
i have two sons, sebastien, 9 weeks, and sydney 23 months. two under two. there are moments when i feel like i'm losing my mind and i can no longer think straight.
i love hearing the stories from everyone. great thread.
Posted by Globule on 2005-05-16 16:50:53
Post Subject: Hooray to talk to so many at-home-crafty-mums!
I've been an at-home-mum since my daughter Lollipop arrived when I was 20. Now I have a son too, Bobo, and he's going to be two in a couple of months (oh how the time flies!).
Before I stayed at home I was a PA, working the old 9-to-5. It took a while to feel proud of staying at home as I felt like I was totally out of touch with other people my age, and I found it hard to say to people that I was a Housewife.
Now, I am SO proud and I know that being at home is the best thing I can do for my little chidlers; my daughter is at school and at the age of four and half was the youngest member of the school council! My son since the age of 18 months has known 9 shapes (including pentagon), numbers from 1 - 10, and half the alphabet. I think the benefits from being at home far outweigh those from going to work just to earn some extra money (well for me it is anyway).
Now, I have got my own website as a little sideline, as the next step on from doing something I really enjoy, which is making things. Who knows what will happen over the next few years, but for now, watching my babies growing and changing, and being able to have freedom to do things that I like (apart from the ironing *bleurgh*), I am have found Pure Domestic Bliss :D
I am not relishing going through potty training again though.. *sigh*
Posted by girlsavage on 2005-09-27 08:20:10
Post Subject:
I'm thinking of being Mrs. Roper from Three's Company. I have a gaudy mumu/robe thing I got for the fabric, but haven't cut up yet. I just have tie up my hair so it looks shorter and put on lots of jewlery and orange lipstick. I wanted to be her last year, but couldn't find the right clothes. I ended up being a zombie of a 50's housewife.
Posted by kittensrme on 2006-06-22 14:50:56
Post Subject:
Dear hairdressers:
Okay, I know that suburban Cleveland isn't exactly a fashion hot spot or anything, but what is with all of you trying to make me look like a middle-aged, midwestern housewife? I'm 19 and I would really appreciate it if you at least tried to make me look that way.
Argh, I don't have bad hair days; I have a bad hair life.
Posted by philokitty on 2004-12-14 00:34:34
Post Subject: feminism and domesticity
Boy, this really struck a chord in me. What started out as a one paragraph reply got considerably more lengthy real quick. I hope you don’t mind. This is a really important issues for me and it feels good just to get it out there. Thanks for your indulgence!
I belong to the first generation of American-borns in my family. My whole life I have experienced conflict between what my family has taught me (obey husband, cook, clean) and the opportunities that America has to offer (career, independence, autonomy). Although my grandmothers, aunts, and mother instilled these traditional values into me, I observed how miserable they actually were practicing these very values. In practicing complacency, they became very restless and unsatisfied. I observed how they regretted never pursuing their dreams and their missed opportunities for self-actualization. And I mourned the poets, artists, inventors, and CEOs they could have been.
Thus, I resolved that this would not be my fate. I enthusiastically rejected traditional women’s roles and proudly embrace feminist ideals. I was certain that I would live a perfectly fulfilling, productive life as a single woman on her own, as her own person, happily without a man to lordeth over her. I looked forward to earning my own money. I dreamt about the house I was going to buy. I was going to break up the boys club and become a respected scholar. I was also convinced that I would never marry, as there did not exist an enlightened man who was down with my brand of feminism. I told all my friends that since I was never going to have kids, I would not need to marry. I was so pleased to have been born into a society that gave me this new free life. Ah, it was beautiful! I was full of hope, full of confidence, full of potential.
And then I met my husband.
Fortunately, he has no interest in lording over me. He supports my continuing education, my goals, my autonomy, and he respects all my feminist ideals. He is a brilliant, decent man. However, we are still products of our environment, no?
Yes, we sat down together and consciously decided NOT to repeat the sins of our parents. He would do his share of the housework. I was not expected to have dinner and his slippers ready at the door when he got back from work. He would not emotionally withdraw into ESPN. I would not have to ask him permission to make any purchases. We would make decisions together; we were life partners, after all. We expected to negotiate, we expected some compromise. But then reality hits. The bills. The dreaded routine of life.
Neither of us could have predicted the oh-so-subtle descent into our prescribed gender roles. They gradually revealed themselves the first year of our marriage. He has more earning potential than I do, so he went to work right away. (That left me at home with a whole lot of nothing to do.) I hate taking out the trash, so he agreed to do it. He is better at fixing the cars, so he took that responsibility over from me. I am actually better than him at some housework, so I took that on.
It did not take long. I became very concerned with whether the toilet bowl was sparkling white. He stopped making the bed. I rearranged furniture.
It was quite shocking. There I was, a college graduate, a feminist, a freethinker, and now a housewife. I have been changing the oil in my car, by myself, since I was sixteen, but I was not ready for this. I could not prepare for the utter dismay I felt, nor could anybody have warned me. My new status as a “wife” really made me question all the values and knowledge that I thought I had. I went through all the stages: anger, denial, depression, bargaining, acceptance. There are probably more.
Denial: No, I’m not really a housewife. It’s just that I’m taking a break from school. Ya, I do the laundry while he’s at work. Ya, I make most of the dinners. Ya, I sit around on my ass most of the day. But, I’m applying to Master’s Programs. I’m catching up on projects. I’m being creative. I’m not a housewife, OK? (followed by nervous laughter)
Anger: What the hell! I did not get two bachelor’s degrees so I could pick up some man’s socks! Why doesn’t he change the friggin’ toilet paper? Why does society have such screwed up expectations of women: do all the housework, demand we look like a super model, don’t complain. It’s not fair!
Depression: God, I suck. I’m just like my mother. I’ve sold myself out; I’m just perpetuating the patriarchal cycle. I now completely understand why 50’s housewives were raging alcoholics and drug addicts. Cocktails, anyone?
Bargaining: OK, I can do this for a couple of months. Just till I get a good job. No big deal. This is temporary.
(After a year…..) OK, I can do this for a couple of years. Just till he’s done with law school. Then I will go to school, get a career, and hire a housekeeper. (ya, right!)
Acceptance? This is a tricky one. Although I have accepted my new role (despite being the only female in my peer group that is not out in the world kicking but and working), and I have resolved to make peace with my domesticity (by getting in touch with my inner craftiness and trying to make our home beautiful and comfortable), I do NOT accept the expectations that go along with it.
For example, everybody wants to know when we are having kids. When we are having kids? That is so far down on my list of priorities right now. We are more concerned with how we are going to afford groceries this week. But, I digress.
Once in awhile, my husband leaves the dishes for me to do. We both slip up occasionally. The point being that it is a constant struggle for both of us. I must remind myself that just as I had my female relatives telling me that I would never find a husband because I have tattoos, and that I should never act smarter than my future husband, my husband also had his jerky male relatives telling him how to cow his future wife. It’s a friggin’ full time job to consciously stop those negative patterns and create and maintain new, healthy ones. But in a society that does not value women’s contributions unless they enter a traditionally male dominated field, change comes very slowly, if at all.
In the meantime, I am down with the “New Domesticity” Movement. Crafts have helped me deal with my gender role confusion. They are meditative and calming. I have learned new ways to express my creativity, my spirituality, and even my politics. I have gained great respect for so called ‘women’s work.’ Just like yourself, I have also experienced “how empowering, liberating, and validating the domestic arts can be.”
But it comes at a cost. My single friends don’t understand and have lost some respect for me. They think I am completely out of my mind when I get excited over some beautiful new yarn I bought. It’s not their fault; I had led everyone to believe that If I ever learned how to cook, it meant that I had finally succumbed to the brainwashing ads on TV, and I might as well just die. Last week my girlfriend asked in horror, “You don’t do his laundry, do you?” Well yes, I do. Her silence in response spoke volumes. So I continue in my attempt to forge a balance between being a "wife" (whatever that means) and being my own woman.
The question still remains. Have I healthily adjusted to my new role or am I just being complacent? Only time will tell. I suppose if I am lamenting to my future daughter about how I never finished my master’s degree, I will know for sure that I screwed up. On the other hand, if I am lamenting to my future daughter about how I never finished my master’s degree, but she has completed hers, I would not feel like a total loser. My hope is that, one day, I have that novel published, and my future daughter gets hers published, too.
Posted by breewell on 2004-10-08 02:36:32
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I'm the opposite! I have absolutely no interest in most paper crafts, collage, stamping, stickers, origami etc. (fear of paper cuts?)
On the other hand, I thought I would hate scrapbooking, but one of the burlesque ladies here in NYC started teaching classes for the other burlesque ladies and she got me hooked (I think learning from a super cool chick removed some of the stigma I had associated with it). Once I got over the "midwestern housewife (no offense)" stereotype, I realized the pages would be as cutesy as I make them (not very). I admit, I did cave in and put a couple flowers on my wedding page (i posted some of the early pages in my photo album a while ago).
I also don't want to die fabric (especially tie die), or do the bead thing - I leave beads to people with better eyesight and more patience, and I can't paint. Also, I do so much carpentry with my job that I don't want to do wood crafts at home, although I would like to start welding again... : ) Oh yeah, and I don't like computer crafts like photo shop or flash (which is funny because I do like computer programming). I just end up clicking frantically and moving the mouse around so much I think the computer is going to blow up.
whew, i'm starting to feel grumpy, I'd better stop!
Posted by soapandwater on 2004-12-14 13:34:40
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Mindshare, a lovely good point! I think, though, the second wavers are still holding on to their critique of us third wavers (which I'm going to label us, since that's the best definition I can come up with at the moment).
I guess the real problem is how the cultural meets the bigger social movements, involving things like marches and all. It's good that this generation of feminists has been doing political action out on the streets, but I don't want the cultural politics to go undone. Because, let's face it, it's pop culture that needs to be dissected as much as anything else (okay, legal action takes precedence before pop culture, but you know what I mean).
I guess it's good we have things like Bitch magazine that scrutinize honest-to-goodness pop culture with a feminist slant. But how do we get the anti-feminists to read such stuff and find out that we're all knitting because we'd rather spend 10 dollars on a scarf rather than 35? And that's our message, not some housewife role? And that being a housewife doesn't necessarily mean subscribing to the same old beliefs?
I'm mostly repeating myself and talkign aloud because its' something I'm struggling with greatly, since last week. HA!
Posted by smudgy_cat on 2004-11-23 14:30:42
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There's lots of good points on this thread, but I'm utterly exhausted, so I just wanted to post a comment/rant of my own.
After I get married, and we get to the point of having kids, we've decided that I'll be the primary person at home to tend the kids and household. I'm looking forward to this (for the most part), but it annoys me that all these conservative men and women will assume I'm doing it to because a woman's natural talent is to stay at home and raise kids. I feel like I'll need to wear a t-shirt or something saying that even though I work at home, I'm still a feminist.
It's sad, but I'm really looking forward to having time to cook real meals so I can make healthy lunches for my bf/fh to take to work. I want to sew clothes that fit me properly and bf properly. I want to work on producing ceramics and soaps so I can sell things on my website. It just annoys me that by wanting to do all these things at home will put me in a box labeled 'good housewife'.
Posted by mindshare on 2004-12-14 13:14:32
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Ah, I hadn't thought of that, soapandwater. When we love and feel empowered by doing "traditional" female activities, it seems like we need to go out of our way to say "I'm progressive! Honest!".
Once one of my partner's classmates came over to work on a project, and I was baking cookies. He (clearly a jerk) said to me, sort of jokingly, "Aren't you a good little housewife?" Since I'm also a jerk, I had to go into detail explaining to him why baking one's own food instead of buying it at the Superstore is actually a really progressive act of resistance to the agrifood industry's near-total control of what we're forced to eat. But yeah, I'm not going to do that every time. I'm not going to sit embroidering on the bus with a big sign that says "Yo! I'm a feminist!"
So I don't know the answer. I think at least part of it, though, is about being happy and making it known that you are happy. People who see us on the street aren't going to be able to tell what our motivations really are, but the people we have actual connections with can. We can be living examples of how all these supposedly mismatched ideas/behaviours can exist within one person. And we can enjoy being that person.
Posted by soapandwater on 2004-12-15 16:55:39
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MlleEmily, exactly. And I think a lot of things have been pinpointed, but not a lot of women are willing to work for those goals. I don't blame just men. I blame everyone, and I'm trying to change things every chance I get.
I'm kind of distressed by a lot of the myths concerning feminism. People are adamantly sure that we're either man-haters, housewife-haters, sex-haters, and stilleto-haters that the message often gets lost. And you have to have some definitions to a word as strong as feminism, or there'd be no point in any form of self-label.
I mean, I consider myself a feminist for pretty much that Merriam-Webster definition, but I also know that I'm going to have to help breakdown more barriers than just my own. I have to address issue of racism, heterosexism, classism-- if it's got an ism, I, as a feminist, feel like I have to take a look at it.
I do feel that I do things on an individual level, too. I do not think of cleaning my house or knitting as women's work; I think of it as daily work that is important for my well-being as eating a well-crafted spinach salad. But I, like many others, don't want it viewed as women's work by the outside world, and that's where change needs to be made.
It's not women's work. It's not men's work. It's work, and it's not valued in our society, and that's wrong. And I want to be loud and public about it. I want to stamp my foot about it.
Posted by Katrin on 2004-12-14 13:53:32
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how do we get the Better Message across?
This should be a topic header by itself.
The first thing that comes to my mind is that "women's work" must be de-marginalized - and that will be very, very difficult to do. Hard labor like cleaning and cooking, art forms like needlework and clothing production, and where do we begin to describe raising young human beings - these are still seen as "little housewife" (oh, that makes me seethe) activities because they're still portrayed as unimportant tasks done by inferior people.
The focus for so long has been on women's being able to do "anything they want". It's inherent in the term feminism - not that I dislike the word, but it certainly does leave out half of the world. A woman can be an CEO and do "important" high-paying corporate work, leaving her free to pay someone else (an inferior person, obviously) to keep her house and take care of her kids. Or she can choose to be "just a homemaker" (voluntarily being inferior, 'cause it's all about women's choices, right?).
The only way I can see this vicious cycle being stopped is to start including men. To expect of them the same responsibilities and the same opportunities as women, just as we expect for ourselves. To stop thinking and talking about homemaking and crafts as being solely the domain of women. To require both boys and girls to take both home ec and shop. To give sons and daughters the same household chores. To point out (every time it's suggested) that a man taking care of his own children is not "babysitting", and that there's no such thing as "Mr. Mom", because the correct term is "Dad" - even when he's baking a cake and vacuuming the carpet.
When a man comments on our craft projects, our response every time should be, "Would you like me to teach you?" - and mean it sincerely. Let them know we're not joking. Make them (and us) consciously aware that these are skills that require training and practice and that serve a useful purpose - though they're often enjoyable work, they're not frivolous little pastimes.
And if a man comments on our changing a tire, we should offer to teach him how to do that too.
This is an attagirl from another Jean, only I'm an 81-year-old retired college
prof in, you guessed it, Home Ec.
I found your Getcrafty book on our library's new books list and was curious. I
was a crafty housewife, with 2 years at Wellesley before I married, and with two
little girls who grew up during the 60's. It was then that I decided that there
was something in this feminism movement so went back to college (Ohio State) as
one of the first adult students. I chose Home Ec because I thought I could do a
better job than some of the teachers who my girls had had in high school. Well!
My whole life changed. I found myself in the middle of the campus riots, arguing
with young men who thought that a woman's place was barefoot, pregnant and one
step behind! When I finished my degrees (MS in Textiles) I could no longer
communicate with my old friends who cried when their children went off to college
and who spent their days playing bridge or watching soaps. I ended up teaching
Home Ec. at the college level and passed on my strong message that women counted,
could still be good parents/wives and also have a career ....but it took planning!!
I'm retired now, back to those great crafts... you name it I've done it... and am
delighted that my 2 girls are both homemakers and career women who, although super
busy are happy with their lives.
Which brings me back to my attagirl message: I'm delighted that your web page is
so successful and that your book is so inviting. The artistic side of life is SO
important and that self satisfaction of doing something creative is what all of us
need in this world. My special pursuit right now is quilting, but I also was an
avid knitter (at Wellesley in 1941 we used to knit in class... can you imagine
Hillary doing that?) and I still love making candles and soap. Thanks for opening
many doors for your generation.
PS: Glad to know that The Reader's Digest sewing book is still a good one... I
used it as a text in all of my clothing construction courses.
