High school is OVER

queen_bean · Joined: 25 Jun 2004 Posts: 4

Today my valedictorian made a speech saying "high school is what you make of it". Now, this seems a tright bit over simplified to me, especially since I was rather unpopular, and spent a great deal of time being made fun of or ignored, despite being heavily involved in artsy endevours (whcih, according to the "school stars" is supposed to be an instant ticket to enjoying high school), and also tbeing kind to people. I figure I liked who I was in the face of high school - but I think high school itself sucked, and the people treated me like garbage. That's not the same as high school being what you make it. I will never say it was a positive thing itself, I'll say my reaction to it, and the fact it's made me very determined to succeed for myself, has been. But they act like there's something wrong with me for not having enjoyed it.
 Are you enjoying life more after high school? did anyone else have a crappy time and have a better time outside of school? Let me know.. I'd enjoy the stories :)

smachel · Joined: 14 Apr 2004 Posts: 305 Location: kentucky

i think there's a little truth in the valedictorian's statement. yes, high school can be mean and cruel and sucky for many people... but it won't magically go away just because you're out. i think that part of it has to do with your personality, and if you don't change anything about it, you're bound to put yourself in the same situations. i.e. if you were very introverted in high school, then it may be harder for you to make friends outside of school where you're not forced into social situations daily. you talk about you reacting to school, but school also reacts to you... it's a crazy circular/spiral situation. :)

high school for me was hit and miss. i would love to go back. but only if i could change some things or skip the traumatic days. college was hit and miss. i would love to go back and and get more involved. just like in high school, i was very involved in school activities, but not in people.

i don't know if i'm supposed to be telling you that life is much much cooler outside of high school... there are plenty of people here who will tell you that. i don't know if it's necessarily better -- just a different phase of your life. for me, i can't say that life is much better now than in high school. i'm on my own which is cool and i have a wonderful boyfriend, but money is tight (ugh) and i am missing having friends nearby. in high school, i had to endure comments and the sense of never belonging, but i had friends nearby that i could call and hang out with, and my biggest worries were school-related. so how do you weigh those things against each other?

queen_bean · Joined: 25 Jun 2004 Posts: 4

believe it or not I'm quite outgoing.. and I do very well in my part time jobs, have lots of friends outside of school, and get along better with adults than most people my age.

smachel · Joined: 14 Apr 2004 Posts: 305 Location: kentucky

i wasn't assuming that you were introverted (although it may have sounded like it)... just giving that as an example.

queen_bean · Joined: 25 Jun 2004 Posts: 4

I know what you're saying but I also think you don't know where I'm coming from. I have no problem with accepting people will always make comments - but I doubt they will be as immature as "why don't you just cut yourself now" or "don't kill yourself" when I was looking upset one day. You don't make those types of jokes - it's downright insensitive.
 I'm supposed to somehow take responsibility for the fact I was treated that way? Like I invited them to say that?
 I know a lot of really great people who weren't out drinking on the weekends, who were down to earth and talented, who got no recognition in high school. Does that mean they're nothing for the rest of their life? Hardly.
 I know what you're saying - but what I am saying is that I will never say high school was great, becuase a great deal of the people WERE shallow and jerky - but I can control how I reacted to it by not letting it cave me in. I am proud of myself, but I will never say high school itself is fun, or something to be missed.

queen_bean · Joined: 25 Jun 2004 Posts: 4

oh, and might I add - the valedictorian was the person who constantly made suicide remarks around me. So I always find it funny that it's the people who make others lives more difficult who say "high school is what you make it" almost as if to say "don't be mad at me. If you're hurt it's your own fault".

topazdebutante · Joined: 21 Apr 2004 Posts: 38

I think high school is just that school..I think that once you have the freedom to choose your classes and study mostly what you want attitudes change. I know in HS I was always like when will I ever use this in life..and a lot of it I never did...perhaps people get petty b/c there bored..I think it can be what you make it to an extent...but like most others you are stuck there 6 hours a day if you like it or not...

I hope that made somewhat of sense..im half-awake...
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honeybee · Joined: 15 Apr 2004 Posts: 285 Location: appalachia

the main thing i noticed about high school was that it was an arena for certain people to exert control and stand out and feel better about their own small lives. once out of high school, these popular kids, in general, had a harder time adjusting to the big real world because they were so used to being the big fish in a small pond.

i was neither popular nor unpopular, but rather friends with different groups (except for the really snooty rich girls who were not interested in anyone outside of their safe little clique). there was some fun, some trauma, and lots of shallowness, and i'm quite happy to have moved on from high school life.

sounds like you will be, too. it's so all-encompassing while you're going through it, but believe me, in a few months, you'll probably be well on your way to a bigger, better life, regardless of your personality. and remember, people can change-i am not at all who i was in high school, and have changed for the better now that i'm not subject to others' meanness.

Miss M · Joined: 12 May 2004 Posts: 168 Location: Plano, TX

LIFE is what you make of it, not high school. And most of the time, it takes us awhile to realize that you have to get off your hiney and do it for yourself. I know, this sounds really really obvious but as I inch toward 30(just one more year now), I'm finally getting it.

There is more to life than high school and anyone who tells you different might just still be in high school(or wish they were). The rest of my life so far has been infinately better than those 4 years. Would I change them? Probably not. They shaped who I am. Did they suck? Sometimes.

Look forward to what's next & forget about that dopey speech. My guess is, she couldn't think of anything more intelligent/witty to write.
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amanelle · Joined: 13 Apr 2004 Posts: 347 Location: NC

High school was okay, but I don't ever want to do it again. I wasn't popular or unpopular, I kind of just floated in the middle. I wish that in high school I had been more comfortable with who I was. Instead of trying to do, be, or have, I wish I just been.

JediEmpressMel · Joined: 28 May 2004 Posts: 374

Personally, I think that whole "high school is what you make of it" "high school is the best years of your life" is all a whole bunch of crap.
Just because a lot of people had a good time, and look back on good memories, doesn't mean you have to be dillusional and make a whole bunch of bad memories into some pretend great thing.
HS for me was just a huge waste of time. I only had 4 good teachers the whole time I was there. Everyone is so caught up in thier petty stupid cliques, and acting like a bunch of morons, it's just really stupid.
It sucks that you got ostracized like that. I know how it feels. The best thing to do, is cut your losses, realize that it sucked, and move on.

smachel · Joined: 14 Apr 2004 Posts: 305 Location: kentucky

i have probably oversimplified myself as well in my late night response. and my post was totally about my experience and trying to analyze the "high school is what you make of it" comment, not trying to guess about yours.

Mother Dearest · Joined: 27 Jun 2004 Posts: 12 Location: Eyeball central

I've just finished secondrey school (the English eqivalent to high school, except you finish at 16) and it hasn't quite sunk in yet that i'll never be taught in that school again. I'm going off to college in September but on Thursday i have an induction day and i'm nervous already. I suck at making friends, i'm easy to talk to and not shy in that sense, but i just cant go up to a stranger and start making conversation. So basically, on Thursday i'm doomed. I'm going to have to sit alone in the classes and possibly eat lunch alone. I really hope it isn't like that, but it doesn't seem unlikely.
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xuli · Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2004 4:31 pm Post subject:

Congratulations on getting out of high school, Queen Bean!

I also think it's a bunch of crap to say that "high school is what you make of it", because that places all the burden on the individual to rise above social structures that are limiting, ugly, and often downright unfair. I went to a very underresourced public high school, and the administrative people in my high school were mean. And racist. And unjust. And really, really terrible. And so were many of my classmates. I'm glad for the person I am, but I had to go through some terrible experiences to get to be this person, and I think that saying that "high school is what you make of it" is totally trivializing the fact that really terrible and traumatic things happen in high schools. Rather than trying to change that, people place the burden on individual kids to rise above circumstances. That's unfair.

Anyway, I'm on a soapbox, so I'll get off it now. But I wanted to tell you, Queen Bean, that my high school valedictorian (my best friend) said the following in her speech: "If I ever call these the best years of my life, shoot me." That was a speech I could get behind.

karikazo · Joined: 22 Apr 2004 Posts: 64 Location: N.C.

JediEmpress Mel, you and I must have had the same high school experience! I was so bored by the lame classes most of the time. Also I never fit in with other students very well. I HATED high school (and I was a student with great grades, and wasn't actually ostracized or bullied--just disliked it!).

Life got lots better for me after I went off to college. I was studying stuff I really cared about (music), was incredibly challenged by the teachers and the material, and I was around a bunch of other people who cared about what they were studying and were fun to be around. College wasn't perfect, but it was a darn sight better than my boring sucky rednecky high school.

unfortunately, there are people who never lose that high school clique-ish mentality...you'll run into them your whole life. Especially if you are unlucky enough to encounter them in your workplace, your major, your social life. But you can also luck out and meet totally wonderful people who care about doing neat stuff, and then, you know what? It does not matter one bit what the cliquey ones think.

congrats on graduating!